Back in England..

Posted on September 28, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

Yes, I am now back in England.

Berkay and his friends took me to the airport on Thursday night and after a lot of tears, I got on the plane that bought me back to London Stansted at 5am Friday morning.

It was no doubt the hardest thing I’ve ever done, packing up my house was so sad, it was like I was removing all traces of myself from my home. Then it was time to say goodbye to my dog, Boncuk, and that’s when the tears really started. I went and gave her a big hug and kiss and I’m sure she could tell I was sad, instead of jumping up at me with a wagging tail as normal, she just jumped up and stood there, they do say animals can sense things… I hope she doesn’t forget me.

Next was the awful 45 minute car journey, we were both pretty much in tears the whole time. When we got to Dalaman airport we queued up together to check in, I am certain everyone else in the queue overhearing us must have just thought it was a typical holiday romance, English girl, Turkish boy, tears at the airport.. I was tempted to flash my residency permit in front of them and convince them otherwise, but was really too upset to be that bothered what they thought anyway.

An hour or so later, 2 hours before my flight left, we said our final goodbyes, hugged, kissed and shared plenty more tears. In the end I just had to go. I walked through security and passport control, looking back all the time and waving at him. The next 2 hours sitting alone in the food court was hell, thank God they had free wi-fi so I could distract myself with Facebook. I can’t even tell you how tempted I was to call Berkay and tell him to come back and get me and just not get on the flight…

Taking off was sad too, watching everything I love getting further and further away as we flew higher and higher. It was sad. But now it’s done. I’m back. Miles away from my home. My family are doing all they can to make we welcome, but the fact remains that my home is not here. I’m almost certain that instead of trying to get Berkay a visa, we’ll just settle in Turkey once I’ve worked and saved here for a few years. It’s going to take some adjusting living back here. We went to Asda today, it was so weird walking around and not seeing Turkish foods, not buying kilograms of fruit and vegetables. It was overwhelming and strange. On the plus side, I stocked up on pickled onion crisps and oreos.

Berkay is still telling to go back everytime we speak on FaceTime, he found a flight for £35 in a few weeks and is telling me to book it. I wish I could. ):

I will still be updating this blog, I’m unsure what about, but I do have a few posts about Bodrum planned and am open to suggestions about anything else you want to see. (:

Why am I moving back to England?

Posted on September 26, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

Lot of people have commented and messaged me asking why I’m going back to England, so I thought I’d explain.

The main reason is money. We live off one pretty poor Turkish wage. I cant find work here legally, I don’t have any qualifications or experience in teaching or in the travel/holiday rep area, I can’t speak Turkish and I bring nothing to the country that they don’t already have, businesses generally are not allowed to employ an English person to do a job a Turkish person could do. Living off Berkay’s wage is not so bad in the summer, but in the winter it’s nearly impossible. Each winter we get into debt and spend the summer paying it back, meaning we cant save for the following winter, its a vicious cycle. Coming back to the UK means we can both work and save for the future, albeit in different countries.

If we want to settle together in the UK one day, I need to be settled there with a good job earning £18.600 a year before we even apply for a visa for Berkay. Despite what everyone thinks, the UK makes it very difficult for non-European citizens to come to the UK, the new income requirement is a major set back, it has made things a lot more difficult for us. I’m not sure how many 21 year old’s earn 18.6k a year, but all people keep telling me is if I do not come back to the UK now, I will never earn enough as I will have been out of work for too long.

Berkay also hasn’t done his national service yet. All Turkish men are required by law to serve in the military at some point, Berkay is 22 and has not done it yet as he is studying at university. He hopes by completing his uni he will be able to find a better job later. If we can’t live together in the UK, I will be able to come back here with any money I have saved and live here so long as Berkay has a better job. I don’t know when he will go to the army, should he go now and get it out of the way, or should he wait, finish school and improve his chances of getting a better job later on?

Another question people ask is what is going to happen to our dog? Berkay is keeping her here in Turkey and will look after her, of course we wouldn’t just abandon her. I’m hoping one day to get her to the UK, if that is where we decide to and are able to settle, but it won’t be easy, none of my family want a dog so I will need to be living on my own first, then there is the fee to fly her to England and all the paperwork involved. I cannot see me ever earning enough for Berkay’s visa, saving enough for a place of my own and saving the £700+ to bring her to the UK. But that is all in the future, at least a year or two away, for now Berkay and Boncuk are staying together in Turkey and I’m returning to the UK alone, for how long I have no idea.

Perhaps I will be in England for 2 years saving money and then return to Turkey, perhaps I will find a job earning the required amount to get Berkay a visa and we shall live in the UK, perhaps we shall look into the European route and save to move to Ireland together. Friends and family ask our plans and pull nasty faces when we cannot answer, we do not have a crystal ball, hell I wish we did. There is no solid plan, I can’t say what is going to happen or what we hope to do, it is just impossible to plan ahead when visas are involved, the whole process is very long, very expensive and very uncertain.

All I am sure of right now, is that in less than 24 hours I shall be landing back in the UK. Alone. All I can think is how am I going to walk out of my front door for the last time and not look back knowing I will never step foot inside again? How am I going to say goodbye to my dog not knowing when I’ll see her again? How am I going to walk through security and leave Berkay behind at the airport? How am I going to get on that plane and leave my home, my dog and my boyfriend behind, sit on that plane and watch as I soar 30,000 feet in the air, leaving the past 2.5 years of my life and everything I’ve known down on the ground? How am I going to sit in a room full of people back in the UK, friends and family who are excited to see me, and all the time feel guilty for wishing I was somewhere else? It’s not that I don’t miss them, or that i’m not grateful that I have their support, it’s just that really, England is not my home anymore, it hasn’t been for 2.5 years, that’s a long time for someone who is only 21.

That plane is taking me away from my home tomorrow, not back to it.

Dressing up as a Sultan at Bodrum Castle..

Posted on September 23, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

While in Bodrum last week we had some fun at Bodrum Castle, it involved headdresses, funny costumes and dressing up like a Sultan and his wife…

It was such a touristy thing to do.. The amusing thing was, the entrance fee to the actual castle was 20tl each, we decided this was too expensive and just wandered around the grounds instead. While wandering, we found a cute little booth where you could wear traditional clothes and have your photo taken as a Turkish Sultan.. They let you pick your costume then took 30+ photos. It was 10tl for one printed photo, or 40tl for the whole CD. We were sucked in and bought the whole CD.. we could have just entered the castle after all!

Oh well, the photos are amusing, some turned out pretty sweet too. I like them.

Fethiye is beautiful..

Posted on September 22, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

Fethiye is always beautiful, the mountains, blue skies and turquoise sea make for a lovely backdrop, but sometimes when living here, you take it all for granted. Sometimes you just need to take time out to remember just how beautiful it really is.

Last week we walked the 163 steps up to what is known as ‘hill of the lovers’ (Asiklar Tepesi ) in Fethiye town. There’s no doubt it’s a very romantic place. There are little benches overlapping the edge and one small cafe at the top. The panoramic views there are breathtaking. There isn’t really much more I can say, the photos speak for themselves.

Amazing.

Where have I been?

Posted on September 22, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

Firstly, I’d like to apologise for not sticking to my promise of ‘blogging everyday’, it’s been nearly a week since my last post. I haven’t fallen of the face of the planet, but I have been really busy and had a lot on my mind.

We spent two days/nights in Bodrum last week, it was a very last minute thing, we booked the hotel on Tuesday and left first thing Wednesday morning. It was Berkays first day off work since April, and we were so grateful for the time together, it was lovely. I’ll do a separate post about it all later on.

The next thing that happened was I booked my flight back to the UK for good. I had been putting it off for as long as possible but the prices were getting more expensive and I couldn’t find anymore excuses not to book. It’s booked for Thursday night. This is the main reason I haven’t posted, I’m not really in the mood to be posting about all the wonderful things about Turkey when I’m about to give it all up. I’ll explain why in another post.

I have also been busy finishing a cross-stitch order, it has to be completed by mid week and I am running out of time!

Today we went for a lovely picnic with our friends, the last one for a long time. I’ve been trying to make the most of my last few days here. It still doesn’t feel real that I’m leaving. It’s not going to sink in til I’m sat on that plane alone, flying up and watching all the things I know and love be left behind on the ground.

I have 3 or 4 posts coming up really soon, but after that I’m not sure what or when I’ll be posting on here, but I will keep it as up to date as possible. Thanks for reading as always.

Walkies with a difference..

Aside

We take our dog, Boncuk for walkies everyday, usually always in the same, boring place. Yesterday we had a little change up and found a place with a great view.

She is still a pup and full of energy, so she needs to be let off the lead and have a run around everyday. Normally we walk through a field so we can ‘let her loose’ without the danger of cars, but today while chasing her ball she decided to run up a hill and stopped to look back at us as if to say ‘come this way’… Of course we followed her and we weren’t disappointed by the view at the top, Boncuk obviously knows best!

She has two favourite toys, a yellow ball and a rabbit-shaped rope. She decided to chew the latter while laying on my lap at the top of the hill, waiting for the sun to go down. I was covered in dog hairs, slobber and grass afterwards, but who cares, I won’t complain about doggy cuddles!

Berkay & I had some fun with the camera too! Cheese.

We sat at the top of the hill until sunset, it was rather beautiful! This is definitely going to be Boncuk’s new walkies route, it’s right opposite our house and there are no animals, cars or piles of rubbish for her to find, perfect.

Holiday fling or the real thing? Can relationships with Turkish men really last?

Posted on September 15, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

During a relaxing, carefree holiday In Turkey, it’s all so easy to fall in love with a handsome stranger with a sexy accent, romantic walks on the beach, watching sunsets together and a lot of fun in the sun, but what happens when you return home, can the relationship continue or will he forget about you as soon as you board the plane?

We’ve all seen the typical ‘Take a Break’ magazine stories about Turkish men being love rats, cheating on British women, manipulating them for their money or using them for a visa, but are they all like that? The answer is no, they’re not, and some (and only some) holiday romances can go the distance and turn into loving, long lasting relationships and marriages.

A lot of things really depend on what circumstances you met in. If you met him while he was working in a bar one night and the only communication you had was while either one or both of you were drunk, the chances are it’s not going to turn into a real meaningful relationship. Drunken conversation and sex does not make a good foundation. What is more important is spending real quality time together and getting to know each other properly before moving forward, although admittedly that is difficult whilst on a short holiday. The normal rules of dating are put on fast forward, it’s easy to get carried away and fall head over heels when everything is moving quickly, you know your time together is limited and that you’ll soon be returning home so everything is rushed. First date, second date, first kiss,sex…It all happens in a blur and it’s difficult to know what is going to happen next and what it all means.

I suppose it’s important to figure out if it is love, or lust. Is it really possible to fall in love with someone in a country thousands of miles away from home where there are so many obstacles to overcome? The language barrier is an important one. Is it really possible to ‘love’ someone you can hardly communicate with? Communication is key. Getting to know each other from 4000 miles away is never easy, but nowadays with Skype, Facebook, FaceTime, email and text, there really is no excuse not to keep in touch, if that’s what you want.

An important thing to be sure of is that you are both wanting the same thing, are you both looking for a quick fling, or is one of you more serious than the other? While on holiday, a lot of us let our guards down, we are physically and emotionally relaxed and free from all the stresses of home, this makes it oh so easy to get carried away, but in reality, when you’re 4000 miles away back at home and have work to do and bills to pay, are you still going to be as interested in your Turkish ‘lover’? If you are serious about the relationship, be certain he is too. A lot of Turkish men working in resorts see a lot of women come and go, as soon as one flight leaves, another arrives. Some men see women, British in particular, as easy and fun loving. They assume, rightly or wrongly, that these women want nothing more than 2 weeks of fun, and the reality is he probably won’t be interested in keeping in touch until you’re back next year.

Turkish men have a reputation as being love-rats, only interested in money and a visa. Sure, some of these men are really clever, scheming, con artists who cover their tracks well, however, in most circumstances there are some clear signs that your ‘relationship’ is doomed. Don’t ignore the signs and leave your brains at the airport. If you’re old enough to be his grandmother, or great-grandmother, he’s probably not genuine. If he runs to the toilet when his phone rings, he’s probably talking to one of his many other holiday flings, or a Turkish wife. If he tells you he loves you in broken English after having known you 5 mintues, he’s probably not genuine. Once you’re home, is he constantly making excuses and too busy to talk to you? Did you do a bit of Facebook stalking and find out he actually has 5 different profiles with photos of him and a different girl on each one? These are all huge red flags, don’t fall for his charm or excuses, it’s not worth the heartbreak in the end.

A lot of women who have experienced the above sell their stories to magazines or newspapers or create online groups and blogs ‘warning’ everyone about the dangers of Turkish men. There seems to be an assumption that all Turkish men will try their luck and manipulate British women for money. If your fella gives you a list of duty free alcohol, trainers and the latest iPhone he wants you to bring out the next time you visit, realise he is not genuinely in love with you, he is more interested in your bank balance. If every time you speak to him he mentions how his mother, father or sister’s friend’s dog-sitter etc.. is ill and he needs money to pay the hospital bill, end the conversation and delete him from your life. He’s lying.

Turkish men are not all scheming, money grabbing rats, far from it. Generally, Turkish men are very proud; they work to provide for their families and would never ask someone for money, especially a woman. Using my relationship as an example, I don’t have a penny to my name, Berkay works hard everyday to provide for us both. When family come to visit, the most he’s ever asked them for is a bottle of Nando’s sauce.

If people try to tell you that your guy isn’t genuine, that he’s cheating on you or using you for money, most of the time they are probably right. Don’t dismiss their concern as ‘jealousy’. Take their concerns on board and be wary. If the signs are there, pay attention and take notice, if not, stay on guard but don’t turn into a bunny boiling stalker.

Trust is important. When you’re living 4000 miles away from someone, it’s going to be impossible to know what they’re doing and who they are with every minute of the day. Gut instinct will be the key, if you think he doesn’t deserve your trust or he’s acting suspiciously, move on, there is no way a long distance relationship will ever work if you cannot trust each other.

The most important thing for me is can you really make the long distance relationship work? Are you patient enough to understand that while friends and people around you may be settling down and moving on with their lives, you’re going to be back and forth only seeing each other for a limited number of days per year until you come to a decision as to where your future is? You can only visit each other so much as your job, and your bank balance permits. At some point, one of you is going to have to give up your life in your own country and move away from your friends, family , job and everything you’ve ever known, it’s inevitable and is the only way forward, eventually.

This brings us to the issue of visas. Depsite what everyone thinks, visas to the UK are not easy to obtain, if you are unwilling to try to settle in Turkey, be prepared for a long battle to get your Turkish partner to the UK, it’s not something to take lightly, it’s a long, hard process and the stress can be enough to split couples up.

There are also cultural differences, and religion pays a large part in some circumstances too. Is he Muslim? Will he expect you to give up certain things? Will he expect you to be a stay at home mum/housewife? Is he willing to let go of some of his more traditional Turkish cultural values, and are you willing to give up some of yours? Can you come to a compromise?

If both of you are willing to make it work and put in the effort as well as having the patience, trust, understanding and communication, your relationship may well turn into something wonderful. If not, enjoy it for what it is and move on, either way you’ll have great memories.

Just another day in Fethiye..

Posted on September 14, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

Off we went to Fethiye again today, Berkay wanted his hair cut and we decided to stop off for chicken doner for lunch too!

4tl, bargain. Perfect with the chips in too. Probably not too healthy having half a loaf of bread in one sitting but hey, who can resist when it tastes so good and is just as cheap, if not cheaper than cooking a meal at home?

We went for another walk around our favourite place in Fethiye again too. I love the fountains and the topiary in all shapes and sizes… all very pretty! Of course we had another little mini photo-shoot, I never go anywhere without my iPod camera! I LOVE my iPod.

I like the clock tower too, it has the names of a few cities and shows the current times in each location, London, Moscow, Berlin and of course Turkey! The temperature read 39 oC , I’m not sure if that was the actual temperature or just in direct sunlight, but it certainly felt like 39 oC was a true representation, it was absolutely boiling! We resorted to walking around Migros for 10 minutes to use the aircon and cool down, that turned out to be a bad idea as we got distracted by the goodies and spent 35tl on some shopping.. Oops.

The park was nearly empty, which meant we could have some fun taking silly photos without looking stupid.. but it’s sad that more tourists don’t come into the main town of Fethiye and see this place, they’re missing out.

An afternoon at the beach..

Posted on September 13, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

I always used to think how odd it looked when Turkish families rocked up to the beach in the height of summer, fully clothed with rugs, cushions and pots and pans in tow to enjoy a full on family feast. Today I realised I have become one of these people.

My level of Turkish-ness definitely peaked today. I wanted to for a swim with Berkay and thought it would be nice to take some food along with us, I found myself marinating some chicken breast in Nandos sauce (we’re addicted to it) at 6am this morning, ready to cook in the oven before we went this afternoon. We ended up taking the chicken, some pasta and salad all nicely stored in saucepans and old ice-cream tubs and shoved in my bag… along with towels, a blanket, 2 cushions, plates, cutlery, a bottle of coke and the trusty salt pot. God knows what the tourists thought, Calis Beach was pretty busy with bikini clad sun worshiping tourists, and there we were, walking along trying to find an empty spot to set up our little feast. We did find a fairly quiet spot luckily.

It was lovely, but by the time we had walked 20 minutes in the 38 degree heat and were sweaty, hot and bothered, we weren’t all that hungry and couldn’t finish it all. Boncuk was grateful for the leftovers for dinner though!

After a little mini photo-shoot (I am way too snap happy, 7000 photos taken on my iPod in just 5 months..) we had a little swim, the sea is still lovely and warm at this time of year, perfect.

We had time for a quick walk and hugs with Boncuk before Berkay went to work too, isn’t this photo adorable? True love 🙂

Yogurt with dinner? ..

Posted on September 11, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

Hands up who has a Turkish friend, relative or partner who insists on eating yogurt with main meals? Berkay loves it, the sight and thought of it honestly makes me gag, there is just something about eating plain yogurt with dinner that is wrong to me, yogurt is for dessert! Berkay eats it with fish, chicken, pasta.. you name it. The other day he had a big bowl full with his omlette and chips!

It’s so funny to me, I just can’t get my head around it.
Do you like it? Did you ever think to try it before?

Apologies for the short post today, was out at a friend’s house til late and I’m so tired. I think a long post is due.. perhaps I’ll write one tomorrow. (: