Lot of people have commented and messaged me asking why I’m going back to England, so I thought I’d explain.
The main reason is money. We live off one pretty poor Turkish wage. I cant find work here legally, I don’t have any qualifications or experience in teaching or in the travel/holiday rep area, I can’t speak Turkish and I bring nothing to the country that they don’t already have, businesses generally are not allowed to employ an English person to do a job a Turkish person could do. Living off Berkay’s wage is not so bad in the summer, but in the winter it’s nearly impossible. Each winter we get into debt and spend the summer paying it back, meaning we cant save for the following winter, its a vicious cycle. Coming back to the UK means we can both work and save for the future, albeit in different countries.
If we want to settle together in the UK one day, I need to be settled there with a good job earning £18.600 a year before we even apply for a visa for Berkay. Despite what everyone thinks, the UK makes it very difficult for non-European citizens to come to the UK, the new income requirement is a major set back, it has made things a lot more difficult for us. I’m not sure how many 21 year old’s earn 18.6k a year, but all people keep telling me is if I do not come back to the UK now, I will never earn enough as I will have been out of work for too long.
Berkay also hasn’t done his national service yet. All Turkish men are required by law to serve in the military at some point, Berkay is 22 and has not done it yet as he is studying at university. He hopes by completing his uni he will be able to find a better job later. If we can’t live together in the UK, I will be able to come back here with any money I have saved and live here so long as Berkay has a better job. I don’t know when he will go to the army, should he go now and get it out of the way, or should he wait, finish school and improve his chances of getting a better job later on?
Another question people ask is what is going to happen to our dog? Berkay is keeping her here in Turkey and will look after her, of course we wouldn’t just abandon her. I’m hoping one day to get her to the UK, if that is where we decide to and are able to settle, but it won’t be easy, none of my family want a dog so I will need to be living on my own first, then there is the fee to fly her to England and all the paperwork involved. I cannot see me ever earning enough for Berkay’s visa, saving enough for a place of my own and saving the £700+ to bring her to the UK. But that is all in the future, at least a year or two away, for now Berkay and Boncuk are staying together in Turkey and I’m returning to the UK alone, for how long I have no idea.
Perhaps I will be in England for 2 years saving money and then return to Turkey, perhaps I will find a job earning the required amount to get Berkay a visa and we shall live in the UK, perhaps we shall look into the European route and save to move to Ireland together. Friends and family ask our plans and pull nasty faces when we cannot answer, we do not have a crystal ball, hell I wish we did. There is no solid plan, I can’t say what is going to happen or what we hope to do, it is just impossible to plan ahead when visas are involved, the whole process is very long, very expensive and very uncertain.
All I am sure of right now, is that in less than 24 hours I shall be landing back in the UK. Alone. All I can think is how am I going to walk out of my front door for the last time and not look back knowing I will never step foot inside again? How am I going to say goodbye to my dog not knowing when I’ll see her again? How am I going to walk through security and leave Berkay behind at the airport? How am I going to get on that plane and leave my home, my dog and my boyfriend behind, sit on that plane and watch as I soar 30,000 feet in the air, leaving the past 2.5 years of my life and everything I’ve known down on the ground? How am I going to sit in a room full of people back in the UK, friends and family who are excited to see me, and all the time feel guilty for wishing I was somewhere else? It’s not that I don’t miss them, or that i’m not grateful that I have their support, it’s just that really, England is not my home anymore, it hasn’t been for 2.5 years, that’s a long time for someone who is only 21.
You know how I feel Danni. My heart aches for you, and I really hope that everything you find yourself having to deal with so that you and Berkay can be together again, will get sorted as quickly as possible.
As far as Boncuk is concerned, if you do decide to settle in the UK at some point, have a think about fundraising the cost of getting her to England. Lots of people do this, and I know you have many friends and supporters who would gladly donate something to help.
It only remains for me to say have a safe journey, and to send you lots of love. Linda xxxx
Sorry I never replied to this before, I hope so too.That’s a good idea, thanks 🙂 Hope you enjoy time in England xx
Well that brought a tear to my eye! I wish you the very best of luck Danni. Although it hurts and no doubt you are sobbing your heart out, it is the sensible thing to do, rather than struggle on with no money through another winter and hopefully you will get yourself sorted and get everything in place for Berkay and Boncuk to join you soon. My thoughts and best wishes are with you xxx
I hope so, thanks for the lovely comment xx
That is so sad but I’d say you are doing the right thing – even though it doesn’t feel like it. Wishing you all the very best and hope the three of you can be back together in the not too distant future. xx
Thank you xx
Dear Danni, your post brought tears to my eyes and I feel very sad for you. Berkay, you and Boncuk are such a lovely little family. From the bottom of my heart I wish you three all the best and that you will be successful to sort all problems, so that you can be together again in the very near future. I wish you a safe trip and want to give you a big hug.
Thank you for the lovely comment, really appreciated xxx
I felt very sad reading this, but understand your dilemma only too well.
I really hope you and Berkay will be together along with Boncuk as soon as possible and I think you are so sensible.
Best wishes and lots of love. Fleur.X
Thank you Fleur xx
Saw your blog on facebook, and have been reading your posts for the past few weeks. You are so brave, and I am absolutely sure everything will work out perfectly in the end. I know how you feel.
Just try to think of the future, and remember you can deal with anything in life as long as you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. So keep that little light in the back of your mind.
Will be thinking of you.
Thank you, Trying to see the positives but I’m not good at that 😦 xx
Wishing you all the luck in the world for your future x
Thank you xx
Found your blog few months ago via Ayak’s TD & have been enjoying reading about your life in Turkey. I have visited Turkey several times & it is a beautiful country but I know from personal experience how hard turkish people work & how badly they are paid & how difficult it is for Turkish people to get a Visa without someone to sponsor them. I cannot see you have any choice but to do what you are doing, You need to be somewhere where you can earn in order to give you & Berkay a fighting chance of a future together. I dont know where you will be looking for work & what type of work, but in the south east & London I think you stand a good chance of earning the £18,600 you need certainly after a year in a job. I know how hard this must be but I just wanted to say don’t despair – keep the faith & plugging away & I am sure you & Berkay will find a way to be together, whether it is the UK, Turkey or another country. Good luck to you, Berkay & Boncuk. Tricia x
I’m glad you enjoy reading my blogs. Yes, I don’t see I have another choice either, sad but the wages are poor and cost of living is more expensive in comparison to wages, unfortunately. I’m living in South East London so I may have a good chance at earning the required amount, but it’s getting the experience that everyone looks for that is the problem. Thank you xx
Ive just sat here and read through most of your blogs and this one brought tears to my eyes! I feel for you i couldnt do what your doing and leaving your boyfriend behind. Your so brave and i really hope things go quickly for you! Your blogs really show that Turkish men arent like the ones over here in England. He must realy care for you and i wish you both all the best and hope Berkay and your dog can join you here in England soon!! Xxx
Thank you so much. Yes there are definitely more than a few bad ones about! Thanks, I hope so too. xx
I am 21…I had t come back to Romania from Turkey, because I have to get my work Visa…I have the same feelings. I love my family, we never had problems. But I feel now that Turkey is my home. I came to Romania last week and my heart is broken and I feel guilty. I understand you so well! Wish you the best:)
🙂 Im 21 too! Yes that sounds like how i feel too, thank you, i hope you get a visa sorted too x
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I am dreading the national service, I honestly can’t think of anything worse, we speak every single day on facebook, it’ll kill me not being to just say good morning or chat during the day! 😦 How did you cope?
Yea you’re right, im just impatient. x
This is such a touching story! My sister had a Turkish boyfriend at the age of 16 and they stayed together for 2 years however, my sister stayed in the UK and her boyfriend lived in Turkey, so already things were hard but they managed to keep in touch via msn and skype. After them 2 years went by, my sister found out that the love of her life had unfortunately cheated on her with another English girl. This split them up and she’s never seen him since.
I’ve been going to turkey since I was 8. I’m now 16 and at that age of looking for love and finding out new things. I’ve always though what it would be like to have a Turkish boyfriend and of course, growing up with my sister having one has definitely shown me a lot, but my mind has never changed. I’ve spoken to my parents about moving out to turkey at the age of 18, once I’ve finished my college courses, one being Air Cabin Crew! Yes, they’re totally against it at the moment but maybe they’re minds may change. Reading this story just proves that it can happen, it does work. You don’t have to stay in England to find love. I have my mind set. I want to go into the cabin crew industry and hopefully get a job with BA or EasyJet, anywhere I don’t mind! It sounds a bit like a dream, but I’m going to make it happen!!
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Danni, have you considered getting a job as an English teacher in Turkey? I’ve read that this is a good way for native English speakers to find a job in Turkey.
I had heard that too, I don’t have qualifications though 😦 x
Maybe you can do a TEFL course now that you’re back in the UK? These courses seem to cost around £350, not too expensive if you could get a job in Turkey with that. For most jobs they seem to want a university degree, but not all. If you did a TEFL course and you are a native speaker, I think you’ll have a good chance to get a job as an English teacher. 🙂
Hı danni I came across your blog by chance I’m really enjoying reading all your blogs it’s like dejavu for me!! I really hope yous get sorted as hard as it is have faith and as the turks say allah büyük 😀 xx
Aww thanks Emma!