Turkey Day 1 – The desire for familiarity, Sunsets and BBQ’s.

Posted on March 8, 2016 by livingtheturkishdream

I’ve been back from Turkey a month already, but haven’t yet posted any photos from my trip, so I’m going to do a little mini-series about the 9 days I spent there in January/February, starting now with Day 1!

It’s always weird when I go back to Turkey, especially this time as it had been so long since I last visited. There is always that desire to go and visit all my favourite places immediately, to check that they’re still the same and to reassure me that while our lives are full of uncertainty and obstacles, we have our own ‘happy’ places where things have stayed the same, the beautiful scenery, the promised daily sunrise and sunset, the friends we hadn’t seen for nearly a year… It’s an almost overwhelming urge for familiarity.

This time was no different. After landing late evening the previous night, when I woke up in the apartment the next day I was ready to go and see ‘my’ Fethiye. After a quick breakfast, we headed to the Friday famer’s market to stock up on fruit and vegetables for the apartment for the week, trundling through the market with bags full of fresh produce, eyes stinging from the smoke blowing around the stalls, arms aching from carrying the bags, but the welcome familiarity of the sights and smells.. just like old times. Then to the bank, the exchange office to change some currency, and the old age question of tost or döner for lunch… We settled for the tost.

I love sitting at this little toastie place and watching the world go by, the kids skateboarding in the park, workers rushing around the town, people paying bills.. the hustle and bustle of everyday life for the locals. It’s one of the best spots for people watching, that’s for sure! The added bonus is that the toasties are amazing, definitely the most popular in Fethiye! I had cheese and tomato (I think that’s the English girl in me..) while Berkay had the slightly more traditional karışık tost, cheese, sucuk (spicy sausage) and chilli flakes. The price was perfect for our budget too .. 10.50tltl for two toasties and two drinks (less than £2.60)!

After lunch we headed up to ‘Aşıklar Tepesi’ – lovers hill, which overlooks Fethiye bay. I love parking the car up, sitting on one of the benches and just admiring the beautiful view – it’s a good view all year around, but especially on clear winter days when the skies are blue and the mountains in the distance are covered in snow, it makes it look rather dramatic.

Another thing that always looks better in winter is the Calis Beach sunset. Although also rather spectauclar in summer, in winter the sun sets right on the horizon rather than behind the mountains,making it even more impressive.Watching the sunset from this beach was definitely something I knew I had to witness again on my first day back in the country for 9 months, so after a quick google search for the daily sunset time to make sure I wouldn’t miss it, we headed back to Calis and waited.

The sun set around 17.30 that day, and it didn’t disappoint! Although I love taking sunset photos, and have thousands (literally..) of shots of the exact same thing on my iPhone, iPad and camera, none of them really capture the moment well enough. The sun reflecting off the water, the boat sailing in the distance and that brief moment where the sun is perfectly aligned on the horizon and you don’t want to blink because if you do you’ll miss that last split second of the red glowing sphere before it disappears until morning… sunsets are really just something you have to see in person!

Apart from Berkay, Boncuk and the sunsets, the other thing I really miss about Turkey is the BBQ’s, so it made sense than on my first day back, that was our dinner of choice! BBQ’s are so much a part of our life there that now whenever I see (or smell..) one, the first thing I associate it with is Turkey! They don’t care what season it is, how cold it is or how wet it is, it’s always BBQ weather, even if that means sitting outside on the balcony wearing layers and freezing! There’s something so satisfying about preparing it, cooking it and having a good old chat while it’s grilling away, then sitting down to eat it straight off the coals. Mmm. We love BBQ’s so much that we had 4 in the 9 days I spent there. In fact, I’ve just this minute booked an apartment for us to stay in when I go back to Calis next week, we toyed with the idea of staying in a hotel as we haven’t done that for years, but the number one thing that swayed our decision was the fact we’d have no BBQ facilities, nowhere to store meat, no plates or cutlery etc in a hotel! Turkey just isn’t Turkey without a BBQ.

After washing up (that’s the downside to eating in…) we met our friends for a chat and a coffee at Erasta, and then headed off to our other friends house for Çay and baby cuddles. I’ve shared photos of their twins before, when I first met them in 2014, and even back in 2013 when I posted about our meal with the family celebrating the news that she was pregnant! Now, fast forward to 2016 and the twins are nearly 2.. not only that, but they have another baby who is 9 months old! Realising that our best Turkish friends had ‘grown’ a small human in the amount of time I’d been away from the country made me think about just how long I’d been away..

Our village adventure – Day 1

Posted on November 26, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

Berkay’s family have been asking us to visit them for a long time and it was just impossible during the summer, however, now that it’s winter and life is moving by at a slower pace, we had the chance to make the trip. His step-mum is quite ill and recovering from an operation so we were hoping our visit would cheer her up a little.

They live in a town called Beyağaç in the Denizli province, it’s a town 1.5-2 hours away from the city centre. Instead of travelling on the bus from Fethiye for 6 hours, we rented a car for a relatively cheap amount (150tl for 3 days) and made the journey in just 4 hours instead, even with the cost of running it taken into consideration, it doesn’t work out much more expensive than the bus tickets, that’s the plus side of having a car that runs on LPG instead of petrol.

We left Fethiye at 1.45 pm on Friday and arrived at the village at around 6.15 pm. I was really looking forward to the drive because I knew it would be beautiful and I wasn’t disappointed, we had amazing views of the mountains and it was a relatively easy journey with nice roads. That’s the beauty of Turkey, you can reach almost any city just by following a single road. When in one place you can see sign posts pointing in all directions, directing you to other cities hundreds of miles away. Imagine being in London and seeing a sign post for ‘Manchester’ – it would be weird, but it’s normal here. So simple.

As we were driving further inland, we began to feel a bit chilly. When we reached a town near Tavas and stopped to fill up on gas, we realised just how cold it was. Freezing. We had to turn the car heater on to defrost ourselves.

Eventually we reached the town of Beyağaç, it’s actually a lot larger than I remember, with a population of 7000 people. Driving through the main town centre I saw a few apartment blocks, a post office, police station, school etc.. and of course the customary Ataturk statue (there’s one of these in every single town in Turkey). It’s very much a working farming town – most of the businesses deal with fixing tractors, delivering and supplying coal, animal food etc..

Berkay’s family live a 5-10 minute car drive from the main town centre, up on a hill surrounded by fields and beautiful scenery. They have wooden shacks behind their house full of animals, sheep, goats, chickens and cows. They use the cows for their milk, eggs and meat. They even make butter from the cow’s milk. Almost every fruit or vegetable they eat they have grown themselves. Everything there is very simple, back to basics.

We went inside and were greeted by his step-mum (from now on I’ll just call her his mum, as he has never met his birth mum), aunt and brother. All gave me a big hug and kisses both sides of my cheeks, as is the norm here in Turkey! ‘Who is that?’ I said to Berkay referring to the neighbours sitting in the living room that also joined in the hugging, ‘no idea’ he said… You have got to love their friendliness! After the welcome greetings were over, I felt a little more relaxed, I’m always nervous about that first ‘hello’ – mainly because I always end up in a panic about the polite way to do it. It’s normal here when greeting someone significantly older than yourself, to kiss their hand and then raise it to touch your forehead. It’s polite and shows that you respect your elders. The only person who really expects this in Berkay’s family is his father (and elderly neighbours etc). As it happened, his father arrived later than us so I had time to prepare for ‘the hand kiss’, I seriously practiced with myself first…

After his father arrived it was time for dinner. Berkay’s aunt is the main carer of the house, she goes every day and cooks, cleans etc, mainly because Berkays mum is ill, but also because her husband died a few years ago and her daughter has her own husband and house to take care of. I think she enjoys going to other people’s houses to spend her time being useful and so that she’s not so lonely.

The village is very traditional, the women do not work, they just stay home, cook, clean and look after the children and animals. I suppose it’s like going back in time 50 odd years in the UK , when housewives were the norm, and not frowned upon like they are today (in my experience, stay at home mums etc are often considered ‘lazy’). If I were to walk around the town centre, I would stick out like a sore thumb and it would be very apparent that I’m not from the area, not because I’m a foreigner, but because I’m a woman. There are just no women wandering around there, ever.

Anyway, the dinner was lovely. We had rice, chicken (fresh from the garden), an aubergine dish, yogurt and some fresh crusty bread. It was served in the traditional way here, in big metal bowls on a large tray on a blanket on the floor. The whole family sits on the floor to eat and shares food from the same bowl/plate, although everyone has their own fork/spoon. I really like this way of eating actually, it used to be a strange concept but now we do it so often it’s normal. It works out well if you don’t like a certain food too, instead of being served a plate of something and feeling under pressure to eat it, you can avoid it and take spoons of something you do like instead, they’ll never even notice! I avoided the yogurt, as I’ve still not quite grasped the concept of having yogurt served with dinner, but very much enjoyed the aubergine as I have become addicted to that since living in Turkey this time!

After dinner, everyone sat down with a glass of Cay and had a gossip, I have no idea what they were saying as I find it really difficult to understand a word. When in Fethiye, I can understand a lot, but there in the village it was different, I don’t know if it’s the dialect or if they just speak at super speed, but I can’t keep up with it. I just sat taking the atmosphere all in instead.

We were then served another large tray of fruit, watermelon, oranges, grapes, apples etc, sunflower seeds, nuts and cake. I didn’t want any but it’s rude to say no so I ended up eating a whole bowl of sunflower seeds, as you do, it’s impossible to eat just one!

We were really tired after the day of travelling so as soon as the neighbours went home at 10pm we headed to bed. Berkay’s mum wouldn’t let us sleep on the sofas in the living room or the cushions in the other bedroom (there’s only one bed in the house)- she made us take her bed instead, even though she’s sick. Bless her. These people might not have much themselves, but they are very welcoming and would give you anything.

Part 2 of our village trip coming soon!

Fethiye, waffles & saying goodbye to summer..

Posted on November 2, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

It was Berkay’s last day at his summer job on Thursday and although he is already looking for work elsewhere, we are enjoying a well earned few days together.

The hotel is now closed which means Boncuk has taken up residence inside the grounds once again, she absolutely loves being free to wander around, explore and keep the hotel guard company. After breakfast this morning we went to visit her and spent an hour playing fetch and running around, she even had a little swim. She was so happy and kept doing excited little bunny hops. I made a short 1 minute video of clips of her bouncing around and having a dip, click HERE if you want to watch that. I just love how she’s sitting on me with her paws crossed, so elegant!

In the afternoon we caught the bus to Fethiye and headed straight to a place I’d been wanting to try for a few weeks. One of my friends mentioned a few weeks ago how she loves the waffles they sell in Turkey, and I never even realised they existed here or were so popular. Then I saw a new waffle cafe had opened in Fethiye and I knew I had to pay a visit! It’s near the blue culture centre in the Fethiye town square area, and is called ‘Renk Waffle’. They had a small menu to chose from but I’m sure you could adapt the toppings to suit your taste. Berkay chose a waffle covered in chocolate spread with kiwi, banana, strawberries and chopped hazelnuts, drizzled in chocolate sauce, and I had one covered with pistachio spread, banana, kiwi, walnuts, pistachio nuts and drizzled in caramel sauce. They were absolutely huge but delicious, and very unhealthy, probably a lot more than half a days recommended calorie intake! They were priced at 8tl and 8.50tl, which was reasonable considering the size of them. We washed them down with a glass of freshly made lemonade/limonata, and then sat for a while with a glass of Turkish tea. We had a lovely view of the town square where children were playing and people were skateboarding and rollerblading.

After recovering from our huge calorie intake slightly, we thought we best work some of it off so we went for a walk around the marina and through the Paspatur area of Fethiye, along all the little back streets. We once again found ourselves looking up at the brightly coloured umbrellas and taking photos, they are just so beautiful even if they are now a bit faded and battered from recent storms. Some of the umbrellas had even been closed up, I suspect they’ll take them all down soon, sadly – they really brighten up the place.

We made a quick stop off in LC Waikiki as I was in desperate need of some warm clothes as I have none here with me. I only bought a long sleeved jumper and a pair of jogging bottoms, but both will be very useful as I am definitely feeling the change in weather lately, especially in the evenings. Brr. We then took another detour, this time through the fish market where Berkay was hoping to find work in one of the restaurants. He didn’t have much luck, although he did hand out his name and number to some of the bosses, so fingers crossed a position opens up, unsurprisingly nobody really wants to take on new staff during the winter period. While we were there they were unloading some new crates of fish, check out the size of this one! It had the most beautiful, shiny scales, I felt quite sorry for it really… but not too much as we bought a few of his friends for our dinner.

The trees have started to change colour here now, yellow and orange leaves are starting to form and drop, they made a perfect frame for the mosque and I couldn’t resist taking a photo as we were walking back to the bus station.

I say this at the start of every month, but I really can’t believe it’s November already. This time next month I’ll probably be back in England, and in just 3 months time Berkay will be heading off to the army. Let’s just hope the next year passes as quickly as this past one has eh? I suspect it won’t.

Catching up with Berkay & Boncuk..

Posted on January 26, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

It’s been 3 weeks tomorrow since Berkay went back to Turkey, but it seems like so much longer. The day after he returned he found a job, but quit after a week or so because he was only earning £6.40 a day for 13-15 hours work and he was getting frustrated as the greedy boss was taking all of Berkay’s tips off him. When you’re earning so little, tips make all the difference, it could double his wages.

He’s been walking around all the hotels in Calis and in Fethiye trying to find work, but no luck as of yet, nobody needs staff in winter as most of the hotels are closed, and the ones that remain open are quiet enough that they do not need to employ any new people. All I can say is that it is a good job I’m not there this winter as we wouldn’t survive, no way could we find enough money to even pay rent, without even thinking about bills, food and other costs. Berkay is struggling himself, relying on friends to make him dinner and bring him food as he has zero money himself. It’s difficult for people here to understand, my Dad was moaning because I paid for Berkay’s upcoming flight to the UK in March and he thinks he should be paying for it himself, when that’s not even an option. If I don’t pay, I won’t see him, simple. Sure, at the moment Berkay doesn’t have to pay rent or electric bills, but phone, food and general day to day costs, buses, water, dog food… It all adds up, and earning £6.40 a day for a week hardly gave him an opportunity to save. He is doing his best to find work though, and is waiting for one hotel to call him back, it sounded promising!

I’ve got a feeling this summer will be hard too, with the strength of the lira weakening meaning prices in tourist resorts will increase, while wages most definitely will not.

Anyway, the time off work means Berkay has been spending a lot more time with Boncuk, and has been taking her for nice winter walks along the beach, he managed to get food for her on a ‘pay later’ promise, so she’s well fed and happy. She loves staying in the hotel and being free to roam around while its closed, we are unsure where she will be able to stay in Summer though. She’s due her yearly booster vaccinations now, so Berkay is trying to get that sorted too, luckily he has a friend who knows a vet, so no doubt they’ll be on a ‘pay later’ promise too. Getting into debt for Boncuk is worth it, of course. (:

This dog is Boncuk’s friend. It lives near the hotel and comes to the fence to say hello to her, Berkay let it into the hotel grounds today and let them have a little play off the lead together. Bless.
Berkay has also been spending a lot of time with friends, they often go fishing together hoping to catch some dinner! They are a lovely couple, we often went for BBQ’s together when I lived there, I have done a few posts involving them in the past. Their little boy, Çınar , is over a year old now, bless him. Berkay took this little monster dressing gown back for him from the UK after Christmas. Seeing how big he has got really makes me realise how much things are changing and how long I’ve been away. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday I lived there, sometimes it seems like forever.

Holiday fling or the real thing? Can relationships with Turkish men really last?

Posted on September 15, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

During a relaxing, carefree holiday In Turkey, it’s all so easy to fall in love with a handsome stranger with a sexy accent, romantic walks on the beach, watching sunsets together and a lot of fun in the sun, but what happens when you return home, can the relationship continue or will he forget about you as soon as you board the plane?

We’ve all seen the typical ‘Take a Break’ magazine stories about Turkish men being love rats, cheating on British women, manipulating them for their money or using them for a visa, but are they all like that? The answer is no, they’re not, and some (and only some) holiday romances can go the distance and turn into loving, long lasting relationships and marriages.

A lot of things really depend on what circumstances you met in. If you met him while he was working in a bar one night and the only communication you had was while either one or both of you were drunk, the chances are it’s not going to turn into a real meaningful relationship. Drunken conversation and sex does not make a good foundation. What is more important is spending real quality time together and getting to know each other properly before moving forward, although admittedly that is difficult whilst on a short holiday. The normal rules of dating are put on fast forward, it’s easy to get carried away and fall head over heels when everything is moving quickly, you know your time together is limited and that you’ll soon be returning home so everything is rushed. First date, second date, first kiss,sex…It all happens in a blur and it’s difficult to know what is going to happen next and what it all means.

I suppose it’s important to figure out if it is love, or lust. Is it really possible to fall in love with someone in a country thousands of miles away from home where there are so many obstacles to overcome? The language barrier is an important one. Is it really possible to ‘love’ someone you can hardly communicate with? Communication is key. Getting to know each other from 4000 miles away is never easy, but nowadays with Skype, Facebook, FaceTime, email and text, there really is no excuse not to keep in touch, if that’s what you want.

An important thing to be sure of is that you are both wanting the same thing, are you both looking for a quick fling, or is one of you more serious than the other? While on holiday, a lot of us let our guards down, we are physically and emotionally relaxed and free from all the stresses of home, this makes it oh so easy to get carried away, but in reality, when you’re 4000 miles away back at home and have work to do and bills to pay, are you still going to be as interested in your Turkish ‘lover’? If you are serious about the relationship, be certain he is too. A lot of Turkish men working in resorts see a lot of women come and go, as soon as one flight leaves, another arrives. Some men see women, British in particular, as easy and fun loving. They assume, rightly or wrongly, that these women want nothing more than 2 weeks of fun, and the reality is he probably won’t be interested in keeping in touch until you’re back next year.

Turkish men have a reputation as being love-rats, only interested in money and a visa. Sure, some of these men are really clever, scheming, con artists who cover their tracks well, however, in most circumstances there are some clear signs that your ‘relationship’ is doomed. Don’t ignore the signs and leave your brains at the airport. If you’re old enough to be his grandmother, or great-grandmother, he’s probably not genuine. If he runs to the toilet when his phone rings, he’s probably talking to one of his many other holiday flings, or a Turkish wife. If he tells you he loves you in broken English after having known you 5 mintues, he’s probably not genuine. Once you’re home, is he constantly making excuses and too busy to talk to you? Did you do a bit of Facebook stalking and find out he actually has 5 different profiles with photos of him and a different girl on each one? These are all huge red flags, don’t fall for his charm or excuses, it’s not worth the heartbreak in the end.

A lot of women who have experienced the above sell their stories to magazines or newspapers or create online groups and blogs ‘warning’ everyone about the dangers of Turkish men. There seems to be an assumption that all Turkish men will try their luck and manipulate British women for money. If your fella gives you a list of duty free alcohol, trainers and the latest iPhone he wants you to bring out the next time you visit, realise he is not genuinely in love with you, he is more interested in your bank balance. If every time you speak to him he mentions how his mother, father or sister’s friend’s dog-sitter etc.. is ill and he needs money to pay the hospital bill, end the conversation and delete him from your life. He’s lying.

Turkish men are not all scheming, money grabbing rats, far from it. Generally, Turkish men are very proud; they work to provide for their families and would never ask someone for money, especially a woman. Using my relationship as an example, I don’t have a penny to my name, Berkay works hard everyday to provide for us both. When family come to visit, the most he’s ever asked them for is a bottle of Nando’s sauce.

If people try to tell you that your guy isn’t genuine, that he’s cheating on you or using you for money, most of the time they are probably right. Don’t dismiss their concern as ‘jealousy’. Take their concerns on board and be wary. If the signs are there, pay attention and take notice, if not, stay on guard but don’t turn into a bunny boiling stalker.

Trust is important. When you’re living 4000 miles away from someone, it’s going to be impossible to know what they’re doing and who they are with every minute of the day. Gut instinct will be the key, if you think he doesn’t deserve your trust or he’s acting suspiciously, move on, there is no way a long distance relationship will ever work if you cannot trust each other.

The most important thing for me is can you really make the long distance relationship work? Are you patient enough to understand that while friends and people around you may be settling down and moving on with their lives, you’re going to be back and forth only seeing each other for a limited number of days per year until you come to a decision as to where your future is? You can only visit each other so much as your job, and your bank balance permits. At some point, one of you is going to have to give up your life in your own country and move away from your friends, family , job and everything you’ve ever known, it’s inevitable and is the only way forward, eventually.

This brings us to the issue of visas. Depsite what everyone thinks, visas to the UK are not easy to obtain, if you are unwilling to try to settle in Turkey, be prepared for a long battle to get your Turkish partner to the UK, it’s not something to take lightly, it’s a long, hard process and the stress can be enough to split couples up.

There are also cultural differences, and religion pays a large part in some circumstances too. Is he Muslim? Will he expect you to give up certain things? Will he expect you to be a stay at home mum/housewife? Is he willing to let go of some of his more traditional Turkish cultural values, and are you willing to give up some of yours? Can you come to a compromise?

If both of you are willing to make it work and put in the effort as well as having the patience, trust, understanding and communication, your relationship may well turn into something wonderful. If not, enjoy it for what it is and move on, either way you’ll have great memories.