Being real

Posted on April 13, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

I wanted to do a happy post today, with all our photos from my birthday on Friday, happy smiley faces and a great day out in London – I will write that post soon, but before that, I just need to get something else off my chest.

I haven’t really written any long, meaningful posts on here for a while, mainly just photos, what we’ve been doing, general day to day stuff. Why? Well, family were reading my blog more than I realised, and instead of commenting about how well it was doing, how well I’d done to get so many views etc, they just picked single phrases out of my posts and commented negatively on those. I felt like they had invaded my personal place, my blog, my thoughts, my words, my feelings, the place I thought I could be myself has become less private, so I stopped sharing it on my personal Facebook page. Now I just think F**k it – let them. Let them pick apart everything I do, let them read, hell, some people I see every single day of my lives and have known for 22 years could learn more about me from my blog than through our normal everyday interaction – guaranteed.

I could just write that happy post that I intended to, share it and keep everyone reading my blog with a big smiley face – but what is the point of that? What’s the point of portraying an image of us that isn’t real? I want to be honest, I want to keep my blogs true to myself. People always say ‘it could be worse – think positive’. Someone please tell me when those 4 words, ‘it could be worse’ have made anyone feel better? It’s bullshit. I KNOW it could be worse, I could have no family, I could be a one legged blind homeless woman, I know. Does this mean I’m not entitled to feel the way I do? Does it mean I’m not grateful for the things I do have? Of course not. I am grateful. All those 4 words do is make people feel guilty for feeling the way they do – which in turn, only makes them feel worse. It most certainly doesn’t help.

Anyway, here it is. I’ve realised over the past 3 weeks he’s been here, that Berkay not being here, in England permanently isn’t the problem. Of course it is a huge stumbling block, but if he were allowed in the country to stay, work and live, tomorrow, would we really be happy here? These 3 weeks have made me realise, that no, I don’t think we would. Life here just isn’t the same as life in Turkey. Perhaps it’s because we made our own life there, had our own house, own friends, nobody to answer to, nobody to clean up after or to rely on. We just had ourselves, and our dog. Sure, we had bills to pay, Berkay worked 24/7 and we had money worries, but we managed, and we were happy. I liked the isolation. I enjoyed it.

It’s just not the same here. I’ve been back here six and a half months and it still doesn’t feel like home. I hate it. I just hate it. It still feels like I’m intruding in someone else’s house. I live with 4 other people, yet I feel more alone than I did when I spent 18 hours a day alone in our house in Turkey.

I was closer to my family when I lived in Turkey – I spoke to them every day because I missed them – we had things to tell each other – now we talk because we have to, because we’re sat in the same room and there’s an awkward silence. People who made an effort to talk to me when I was thousands of miles away now no longer bother even though I’m right here, in the same country, city, town.

The other day, I had tears in my eyes because Berkay was watching a film and the doorbell that rang in the scene sounded exactly like the one at our house did. We rewound it to listen again. Even I know that’s not normal, who the hell gets so excited about hearing a doorbell that they rewind and listen to it over?

The problem isn’t that Berkay isn’t here with me permanently, the problem is that I am not there with him.

Busy, Birthdays & Brad

Posted on April 13, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

I’ve been so busy I don’t have time to update here much! I had a 4 day working-week this week as it was my birthday on Friday so I took the day off!

Me and Berkay went to London for the day and had a really good time, I’ll be doing a big post about that tomorrow, hopefully, with lots of photos!

Today though, we spent the day at mums house. She picked us up this morning and bought us to her house where a pile of presents, birthday cake and a balloon were waiting for me! Can always rely on mum for birthday celebrations hehe. They got me some lovely presents, including this Frozen Dvd, box of Ferrero Rocher and bag of chocolates, which apparently were from her Shih Tzu, Brad, as we are currently dog-sitting him until tomorrow evening – Mum and her husband have gone to London for the night and tomorrow to cheer on runners at the Marathon!

Before they went out, we all went to Nandos this afternoon, surprisingly it’s only the second time Berkay has been there in the two and a half weeks he’s been here! It’s his favourite place. I was feeling pretty festive so wore my new Easter t-shirt, why not wear cute chickens on your clothes while tucking into some tasty Nandos chicken eh? 😉

After our Nandos we came back home and had birthday cake! Don’t ask why it’s Spongebob – mum saw it and thought of me as I’m a little strange haha Who doesn’t love spongebob? Minions are favourite thing but she couldn’t find a cake version of one of those- instead she bought these little sugar paper cake toppers and stuck them on some little cupcakes herself – how cute, I love them!!\

Mum’s wedding was 2 weeks ago today, but she picked up the photos from the photographer today so we spent some time this afternoon looking through those – they turned out really cute, I love the ones of me and Berkay.

The one of mum and Berkay makes me smile too – how cute is this? Real happy faces.

We’ve just spent the evening watching Britain’s got Talent, Frozen, eating chocolate and looking after Brad the dog. We’re just about to go off to bed, the dog is spoilt and usually always sleeps on it with me so it’ll be interesting to see how two people and a dog squish on the sofabed.. I’ll look forward to my 6am wake up call for his morning pee-walk.

As promised, I’ll be back tomorrow with the photos from London… and trust me there are hundreds. I also haven’t forgotten about my 100,000 views giveaway, I’m planning to do an update about that next week if I have time. I’m trying to make the most of the last 6 days I have with Berkay…

Goodnight all ❤

ROLLERCOASTERS!

Posted on April 8, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

On Saturday Berkay & I decided to go for a little trip out. We were planning to get the train to Southend to have a walk along the sea front, visit the aquarium and go on the rides at adventure island, but after looking into it, and realising what would normally be a 45-60 minute car journey was going to take 2.5 hours and cost £40 on the train – late on Friday night we decided we’d go to Thorpe Park instead. It’s crazy to think that this actually worked out slightly cheaper, as it’s 100 x better!

We caught the 8:30 am train from our town to London Waterloo, then another train from Waterloo to Staines. Then we got the shuttle bus from Staines station to Thorpe Park, which was only 10 mins down the road! I was suprised at how quick the journey was, it only took an hour and a half to get there altogether, but it seemed a lot quicker. I’m also pretty impressed that I didn’t get us lost once.

When we arrived Berkay got concerned about the HUGE line of people queuing to get tickets, luckily, we paid for ours online the night before and printed them out so literally walked straight in past the massive line of people and through the ticket scanners.

We went on a few ‘tame’ rides first of all to warm Berkay up, then we attempted the bigg’uns! We queued for an hour and a half to get onto the next ride – Colossus. I can’t believe we waited so long really, not sure if it were really worth it, but we did get back row seats – nothing quite like sitting at the front or back of a big rollercoaster!

After that we went to go and get some lunch, but on the way we spotted a ride with no queue whatsoever – not even one person. So we made our way over to that. Now I’ve been to Thorpe Park before, so I knew what to expect- but it didn’t take Berkay long to figure out why exactly there was no queue for this ride on a grey, not-too-warm, April day in Surrey…

The ride in question was ‘Tidal Wave’ – clue is in the name really isn’t it? Up we went in the boat, sat in the front row I must add, we got to the top, the boat went around towards the steep drop and baaaam, it all became clear to Berkay – the huge tidal wave splash flowing into the boat was pretty much like having a shower, we were SOAKED, that’s why nobody else was queuing – who wants to be wet and cold during an English Spring?! I bet the ride is really popular in summer though! This is my favourite ride in the whole place – I’ve always loved it because of the theme, 1950’s American fishing village hit by a tsunami- the surrounding area of this ride all blends in well, all the buildings look like they’ve been hit by the ‘tidal wave’ – including the KFC we went into for lunch, the roof is all caved in and wonky with a giant shark poking through the building! I love the 1950’s theme going on – reminds me of Grease, which incidentally I’m currently watching on tv!

After KFC for lunch, we went to the other side of the park and went on the water raft ride – a nice tame one to keep our KFC safely in our tummies. After that – the spinning teacups – and after that … the big one… Stealth!

The queue for this ride was suprisingly not as long as I thought it would be – we only waited 45 minutes, and it’s arguably the most popular ride at the park. You really can’t quite comprehend how tall or impressive it is until you’re standing underneath it and hear the gas propelling the coaster, the roar of the cars on the tracks and the screams of everyone riding in it. It accelerates from 0-80mph in 1.8 seconds – impressive! If you’re not quite sat in the right position as it takes off up the track though, you really feel it, the first time it jolted my neck and hurt for a while.

When your feet are firmly on the ground watching it climb over the tip of the arch, there’s always that bit of doubt in your mind that it might not have enough power to make it quite over and end up rolling back down – something which apparently it is designed to do safely – but that would be scary to experience! When you’re on the ride at the top, all you can see all around you is sky and cloud – no track – not the car in front – just sky. Berkay loved this so much the first time that when we spotted a sign later on in the day advising that the waiting time was currently only 5 minutes for this one – we took advantage and went back on it for a second time!

After that we headed for the newest ride at the park – which was really cool and well designed – apparently it cost £200 MILLION to create. Ouch! The whole area is themed around ‘unexplained incidents’ and riots/war – with a very realistic looking plane crash, upside down burnt out emergency vehicles etc etc. We loved this one so much we went on it twice too!

Berkay tried to win me a giant minion teddy as we saw literally HUNDREDS of people walking around the park with them after winning them from the typical things – climb the ladder, basketball shooting etc etc, but it appears we’re just not lucky – he must’ve spent about £20 trying to win one! ):

After realising that the shortest queues of the day for the big coasters were after 5pm when most people had already gone home – we managed to squeeze in a couple more big rollercoaster rides before heading home. Berkay absolutely loved them and we had a really great day.

We caught the shuttle bus back to Staines station and spotted a little Chinese/Indian buffet restaurant and took a little detour in there for some dinner. It was soo yummy – especially the cakes for dessert! Mmmmm. After that, we headed home via London Waterloo – I love how old that station looks with the massive clock in the middle! We were so tired and achey from all the walking and being bashed around on rides that as soon as we got home we went to bed, but we had a really fab day, glad we chose to go there, even if it was a last minute decision!

100,000 views!!

Posted on April 2, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

So, I was in the middle of writing a new post, when I clicked onto my blog homepage to check something, when I scrolled down the page, something immediately caught my eye – a number – 100,000. My blog has 100,000 views!!!!!

I’m feeling very proud right now, even if I do say so myself! 100,000 views in less than 7 months. I can’t believe it, I honestly just can’t believe that so many people care about what I have to say, or are remotely interested. My blog has become more of a personal diary for me now, although I do still try to do serious or helpful posts like “10 untrue stereotypes”, “worst things about living in Turkey” and “holiday fling or the real thing?” as these types of posts are always more popular. I do like to post what I’ve been doing, and the simple day to day stuff as it’s a good record to look back on. I often sit and look back at my blogs and see what I was doing 5 months ago, 6 months ago… It’s amazing the things you forget and how a few simple words and photos can bring all the memories flooding back, whether it be good or bad.

Nobody ever cares what I say normally, I’m a girl of few words. I always say it, but it’s true, I’m such a shy person in ‘real life’ and my blog is a way of letting it all out.

I’m amazed so many people continue to read, the same few people comment on every single post, which is lovely. I really feel connected to people, it’s funny how strangers sometimes can be more supportive than people you’ve known all your life. I’m grateful for everyone who reads, and anyone who leaves comments, even if their words are not always what I want to hear. Just knowing people take time out of their day to read things that I am writing is an amazing feeling. I really feel like I’ve made friends through this blog. I’ve even had people offer to send money, to help Berkay, and Boncuk, and other people offering to bring biscuits and treats out to Berkay when they visit Fethiye, my faith in humanity has been restored, there are some really lovely people out there and I’m so thankful I’ve got to know them through doing this.

I’m so grateful for every single person who clicks on my blog, whether they read one post, every post, or just a few lines. Thank you all so much.

Back in January I posted about reaching 70,000 and what an achievement that was, and done a mini giveaway, which people seemed to like the idea of. I want to do something similiar this time, but I have no idea what to giveaway or what else I could do?

If you have any ideas, let me know!

Thank you all again, especially the Facebook group Turkey – the Good, the Bad and the Ugly, as I’m pretty sure at least 90,000 of these views came from there. ❤

Weddings!

Posted on April 1, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

This weekend was a busy one. On Saturday, my mum got married!

It was all a bit of a whirlwind romance really. She split up with her previous partner last year and moved into her own house, my uncle helped her move in with a few of his friends, one of them, unbeknownst to her, would be her future husband! He helped her move in, sent her a ‘new home’ card, got her number from my uncle and started talking. Two months later they told me they were getting married! Won’t lie, we all thought she was nuts. Bat-shit-crazy nuts. But so far, they’ve proved us all wrong, her new husband is lovely and I’ve never seen her so happy.. Who are we to judge? (:

Anyway, Saturday 29th March, 7 months after meeting, they officially tied the knot!

After doing some last minute wedding preparations and getting the venue ready for the reception, me and Berkay stayed at my Mum’s house on Friday night, along with my aunt.

We had a 7am wake up call, ate breakfast and spent the next 4 hours getting ready, helped along with a glass of bucks fizz of course! Poor Berkay was stuck in a house of girls. Mum was having her hair done by her hairdresser, my aunts friend was doing her hair, and then there was me… Berkay was just sat downstairs flabbergasted by what was going on… so much so that he took himself off on a long walk around the town for an hour! Bless.

Mum had 3 pairs of wedding shoes – decreasing in height and increasing in comfort! I also took along a ‘back-up’ bra, dress, shrug, and shoes, which quickly made an appearance after stuffing myself with the buffet!

When he came back, all our hair was done and we were all fighting over the only mirror with good-lighting in the house so we could do our make-up. “Hurry up and get ready Berkay!” we nagged… “I’ll only take 10minutes”… he said. He wasn’t wrong either. He was all suited and booted within minutes while us 3 girls were all rushing around like sweaty headless chickens upstairs.

The photographer arrived at 11, by then luckily we were all ready, and began a mammoth photo shoot in the garden, what a lovely sunny day it was, thank God! I can’t wait to see all the professional photos, she took hundreds! The only thing I don’t like is how posed they all were, “til your bouquet towards me a bit, move your hands down a bit, now stare up at that tree” – I’m not a fan of cheesy posed photos like that, candid shots are best, they capture the special moments best.

Berkay went off to the register office in a different car, and Mum, grandad, my aunt and I followed in the wedding car. We got stuck at every set of traffic lights, and the sunny warm weather meant the streets were full of people walking, so everyone kept stopping and pointing “oh look, someone’s getting married!”

We got to the register office and had a 15 minute wait until the part I was dreading most – walking into the actual register office room. Anyone who knows me knows how shy I am, walking into that room with everyone turning to look is the worst thing I can imagine! I know everybody was looking at how lovely mum looked, rather than at us two bridesmaids following, but it was still very scary. Uhhhh.

I took my seat next to Berkay, and a few minutes and the wedding vows later, it was official, they were Mr & Mrs Gormley! It’s so weird now that mum has a different surname to me, even after her and dad divorced she still kept his name, so we’ve had the same name for as long as I can remember! I was a witness and had to sign the book, so once again I had to stand at the front of the room of 70 people all watching… my worst nightmare!

After all the necessary paperwork was completed, and marriage certifcate all signed and handed over, it was time to head outside for more photos! We were there for ages having lots of photos taken by the photographer, all 70 guests managed to squeeze in at one point. I’m sure the photographer got some nice shots. After the photos were all done, it was time for the traditional confetti throwing, some people had bubbles to blow too – the groom’s family couldn’t resist a little rendition of ‘I’m forever blowing bubbles’ – most of them are West Ham fans!

All us guests headed off to the reception venue, and waited at the bar for the guests of honor to arrive. Everyone grabbed a glass of Bucks Fizz to raise when they walked in.

When the speeches were over and done with, and presents given out, it was time for the buffet! Pride of place on the buffet table was the wedding cake – which everyone was admiring. As you can see from the photos, mum didn’t have a red dress, she wanted a claret one, so claret was the theme of the day, the cake, roses, ribbons, banners , balloons. Our bridesmaids dresses were blue. Has anyone figured this out yet? Claret & Blue? West Ham. Ewwwwwww. The groom even had West Ham cufflinks and there was an alternative bride and groom cake-topper, with co-ordinating claret dress and West ham shirt!

After the buffet it was time to cut the cake, then the first dance, which was to Ellie Goulding’s ‘How long will I love you?’ – a few other people joined in the dancing, but me and Berkay were too shy. He did eventually get up and do one dance with mum, but I just sat down all night!

The reception was lovely, but it was a very long day. The wedding was at 12, so we were all sat in the reception venue from 1pm til very late evening – this meant everyone had plenty of time to get nice and drunk – resulting in some pretty hilarious dance off’s! I didn’t really speak to anybody most of the night, people were coming up to me and saying hello and I had no idea who they were – ours is one of those families who only gets together for events, which doesn’t occur very often, so I’m so glad Berkay was with me.

After chatting, eating and dancing the day away, it was time for the bride and groom to leave – everyone formed a circle on the dance floor, had a kiss and a hug and wished them well – and then off they went. We followed literally 2minutes afterwards as we had a taxi waiting. We were so knackered from the day that we were in bed ~~snoring~~ asleep by 10.30pm!

Mum & Berkay enjoyed a little boogie.

Click here to compare to my experience of a Turkish wedding last year.

Reunited again!

Posted on March 31, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

Massive apologies for not updating sooner, I’ve had people message me asking if Berkay arrived safely, wondering where the airport photo was etc etc, but I’ve been SO busy I hadn’t had chance to reply!

Berkay did arrive safely on Wednesday evening ❤

He left at 4.15 pm Turkish time, but not before having a little goodbye cuddle with Boncuk!

Me, dad, my brother and sister all went off to Gatwick airport after I finished work. Berkay was due to arrive at 18:30 and landed 15minutes early, when we got there we sat and had a coffee while waiting for the arrivals board to change to ”baggage in hall” then that was our cue to head towards the arrival doors!

My little sister was so excited, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so crazy! In the car on the way there she was singing “we’re gonna get Berkay, we’re gonna get Berkay, we’re gonna get Berkay” to a little tune. So adorable! When we got to the airport she didn’t want to sit down with us, she kept saying to me “come on let’s go and get Berkay now yea? Come on Dan, let’s go and get Berkay!”

Just as we headed over to the arrival doors, he appeared through them with his suitcase. My little sister went over to him and gave him a cuddle, then wouldn’t let him put her down. Kept talking to him, telling him that it’s her birthday soon, that she’ll be 3 soon and that he can play with her presents with her, he had to sit with her in the middle of the car, open her car door..etc etc. He’s definitely her favourite person at the moment!

❤ ❤ ❤
Over 320 people liked this photo on Facebook, I’m amazed at the amount of people who care and have sent lovely messages or comments. Thanks to all.

After we had picked Berkay up, we headed home to pick up my step-mum and then we all went out for dinner – anyone who follows me on Facebook or is a regular reader of my blog will know that Berkay’s favourite place is Nandos…. so of course that is where we all went to eat! Yum!

He bought lots of Turkish goodies with him, bless him, he went out and got all my favourite things, one being this big face biscuit from Migros, something I always used to get on ‘market day’ when I lived there! He thought of my dad and grandad too and bought them back some Efes in his suitcase.

It’s been lovely having Berkay back, the only part I’m not enjoying is the snoring – sometimes I really feel like shoving a pillow on his head, it’s terrible, and it definitely takes some adjusting to having to share the bed with someone, we’re both used to starfishing and end up fighting for the duvet or having one leg hanging off the bed!

I was off work on Friday as I had last minute things to do, buying wedding and mother’s day presents for Mum and a birthday present for my little sister… and yesterday was the day of my Mum’s wedding so I’ll do a post about that soon. It’s back to work tomorrow… I still hate it as much as ever, but knowing Berkay is waiting for me when I come home makes everything that little bit more bearable!

Babies, hen party & THE countdown.

Posted on March 24, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

This week marked the start of a very busy month!

Yesterday was Mum’s hen night, she get’s married next Saturday! We all went out for an Indian and had a lovely time (:
Came home to find her husband-to-be passed out on the sofa… we woke him up when we came in which resulted in some funny jibberish ‘conversations’.. I think it’s safe to say he had a good stag day…. 😉

The big countdown to Berkay’s arrival is well under way, 3 days til he arrives… I’m not sure he’s really looking forward to it, I’ll be working a lot so he’ll be alone 9-5 during the week, and he always gets so bored because he’s not used to not doing anything and relaxing… when he’s back home he works 7 days a week 15-18 hours a day. It’s all a bit strange to him! Dad says he plans to keep him busy doing the garden and other random bits and pieces around the house so maybe he won’t have time to be bored!

I’ll be stocking up on Nandos sauce and sunflower seeds tomorrow, Berkay’s favourite things 😉 Just can’t wait to go and get him from the airport on Wednesday! It’s come around so quickly when I look back. My little sister will be coming to the airport to get him too, she adores him so can’t wait to see her reaction either (:

I’m off work on Friday so that we can help with some last minute wedding preparations. I have a doctors and opticians appointment in the morning, then off to get a Mother’s day present and wedding present and get Berkay a suit! Talk about leaving it to the last minute. There’s just no time to do anything working 9-5 everyday, I never even appreciated this before.

After the wedding on Saturday, we’re having a Mother’s day lunch with mum and her new husband on Sunday, then it’s back to work for me on Monday. Wednesday 2nd April is my little sister’s 3rd Birthday, and I’m hopefully off work for that, then my birthday is 11th April and I’m off for that… then I’m off on good Friday 18th April, before Berkay goes back to Turkey on Saturday 19th! I told you it’s a busy month! If my holiday days are approved, and what with Easter, I won’t have a full week at work until 28th April…. and then the following Monday is May bank holiday anyway! You have no idea how happy this makes me! (:

Today was busy too, me, mum and my aunt went out for afternoon tea at a nice hotel… who says Essex girls can’t be classy eh? The good was gorgeous and it was good to spend some girly time together before the madness of next weekend’s wedding! We had a selection of sandwiches, ham and mustard, egg and watercress mayonnaise, smoked salmon and cream cheese and cucumber, along with little mini quiches. Then we had jam and clotted cream scones, cream and raspberry horns, macaroons, and huge strawberries, followed by chocolate and raspberry cakes, carrot cakes and a mango moose, all accompanied by an endless supply of tea, I chose the cranberry tea, yum! I felt so stuffed afterwards, and definitely put on a few pounds, I best be on a strict diet this week or my bridesmaid dress won’t fit!

In other news… Last Tuesday our good friend’s baby twins were born. One of the first posts on this blog was about how we went to their house to celebrate, back when she was only 6 weeks pregnant (click HERE to read that post!). Oh how time flies. It made me a little sad really, to see how things are changing without me there. We went to their wedding last May, often went for bbq’s and picnics with them, celebrated with them in their home… and now the babies are here and I’m not there ! It really makes me realise how long I’ve been gone, how much things are changing and how I’m still stuck here in the same position while everyone else is moving on, it really bothers me. Berkay has visited the new babies a few times this week, once in the hospital, check out the hospital room with a sea view! Not bad eh? Lucky babies.

Congratulations to Ela & Samet – little Emre and Emir are adorable and I want lots of hugs when I come back to visit in July! (:

I hope to post daily on here when Berkay is here, time permitting! Look out for the next ‘reunited’ airport photo that will undoubtedly be uploaded here Wednesday night… EEEEEK!
❤

7 more days…

Posted on March 20, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

So, it’s currently 10pm on Wednesday, which means that this time next week, providing there are no long delays, Berkay will have landed at Gatwick and we’ll be together once again! (:

I guess that’s a good thing about being apart, ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ and all that? Not entirely true, but being apart means that when we are together again its always new and exciting. There is no better feeling than waiting in the arrivals section of the airport as close to the doors as possible, watching as the doors slide open and waiting anxiously for their face to appear. Knowing that their imminent arrival means the months apart is about to be erased in that single split second moment when you’re reunited. When you’re waiting it feels like a lifetime, and when their face finally does appear through the doors, the feeling is indescribable.

I read a quote recently, ”Airports see more sincere kisses than wedding halls. The walls of hospitals have heard more prayers than the walls of churches.” How true is that? Has anyone seen that tv programme that was aired a few years ago? ”Hello, Goodbye” (Click HERE to read more about it, with a brilliant description of the other side of airports!) I loved that programme. A simple concept, cameras placed at the airport in arrivals and departures, filming couples, families and friends saying goodbye to their loved ones as they set off on a journey somewhere, or, the best part, filming when others have been reuined after long periods apart. Airports are emotional places, there’s no denying it. Most people see airports as exciting places, the minute they step foot in one their holiday begins. Its the first stepping stone to sitting on that beach, beer in hand and sun on your face… But for me it’s bittersweet, the excitement of arriving, and the heartbreak of leaving again. When I moved to Turkey it was always exciting coming back to England, seeing family, then there were always tears from everyone when we left again, and now obviously it’s the same, only Berkay is the one coming and going. I’m not one to show my emotions in public, rarely cry in front of other people, yet the airport is always the one place that gets me.

For now, I’m just looking forward to 18.35 next Wednesday when Berkay will once again land on English soil (: 7 more sleeps and counting.

I hope to update my blog a lot more when Berkay is here, and I’d like to do something special when I reach 100,000 views, if anyone has any ideas? Perhaps another giveaway, something better?
I’d also like to say a massive thanks to everyone commenting or sending me facebook messages after reading my blog posts. I know I’m terrible at replying, I just don’t have time at the moment. But I read every single one, and welcome and appreciate all comments. I promise to reply in the next few days. ❤

Worry, worry, worry…

Posted on March 9, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

It’s Sunday evening, and I’m sat in my bedroom utterly depressed. Monday tomorrow, which I’m sure everyone else who works 9-5 Monday to Friday shall agree, sucks. Monday should be a swear word. In fact, from now on I shall star out the letters. Screw you, M****y.

I’ve been at this job a month, and still hate it as much as my first day.
Despite hating every second of it, I was relieved when I was told by my manager that as far as he was concerned, they would keep me on for longer than 3 months, which they have now said isn’t true as there isn’t enough funding for the new role. So it’s back to square one. Spending my days doing a job I hate, and evenings and weekends back looking for a permanent job earning £18k in London. I applied for 200+ between October – January, and only ever got a reply from one, which was a no. I’m hoping this 3 months experience I will now have will help, but in reality, I’m not so sure it will. I’m sick of it all. I’m not passionate about any career in particular, I never have been. When I was 18 I had an unconditional offer for a university place,achieved 2 A’s and a B at A Levels, and was a fully pledged geek. Instead of taking the opportunity to go to university to study psychology, what did I do? Give it all up and worked 20 hours a week at Sainsbury’s. Clearly I don’t have my head screwed on correctly, because who in their right mind would make that choice? It’s a no-brainer isn’t it? The truth is, I only even applied for university to keep other people happy, because that’s what I was supposed to be doing. I never really wanted to. I should have stuck to my guns this time, and never took an office job. The only job I’m passionate about doing, is working with young children, or animals, neither of which pays much money, and neither of which will get me earning enough to get Berkay to the UK, not in the foreseeable future anyway.

People have commented before about doing a TEFL course and being able to teach English in Turkey, possibly allowing me to get a work permit, it’s not as easy as that though, and from people who already have these jobs, most places require CELTA qualifications, which are much much more expensive, and I’m not even remotely confident enough in myself to teach at a foreign school. I do intend to do a TEFL course soon though.

I’ve had conversations with my family this week about the immigration rules requiring me to be earning £18,600. All they kept saying before I moved back here was ‘you’ll walk straight into a job earning that money’, 6 months and 3 jobs later, here I am, unsurprisingly not earning that.Through these conversations, what I have gathered is that they see nothing wrong with these rules at all. It frustrates me. I’m not saying the world and it’s mother should have free rights to jump on a plane to the UK and enter freely, not at all. I’m just saying that it should be assessed in a fairer way, back to the old rules of the spouse having to show an extra £100 a week after outgoings to show they can afford another person living with them. Someone earning £18,600 could have outgoings of £18,600 a year, or be seriously in debt, whilst someone earning £16,000 may have outgoings of £12,000 a year. Who is in the better position then? Who has the right to decide which people deserve to live with their partners and children, based on income alone? Hell, reports have shown 48% of the UK’s population don’t earn £18,600, are you really telling me those 48% don’t have the right to live with who they want?

Away from the job and visa side of things, I have a new worry constantly on my mind. Boncuk. She’s staying with Berkay in the hotel at the moment, as it’s closed for winter and she is able to roam freely around the grounds. In summer, the hotel owner wants her gone as she’ll disturb guests by barking when seeing the lights, people and hearing the noise, which I can’t really argue with because I know she would do exactly that. This leaves us not knowing where she can go. Berkay has always taken care of her and took her with him to the hotel when he had nothing, he fed her before himself, sharing the only fish he’d caught with her so she’d eat well. We love her to pieces, and the thought of having to give her to someone else breaks my heart. Berkay was considering putting her in the kennels at the local vet, until they said they wanted 600tl a month for the privilege. 600tl a month out of his wages would leave him just 150tl a month to live on. Our own rent was only 350tl! I have gone to bed in tears twice this week after looking at the photos of the three of us, me, Berkay and Boncuk, and wishing with all my heart I could go back to those days. Giving Boncuk to a stranger, if we could even find someone to have her, would mean I never saw her again. I just can’t deal with that. We do have a kind of last resort, our friends said she can stay in their garden, but they only rent their apartment, and I’m worried Boncuk will get settled and used to them and then the landlord kick her out. I wish she could come here, I wish I could just fly out and get her and bring her back, but realistically that’s not possible either. £750 to fly or drive her back, and then still the issue of finding her a home here. My parents won’t let her stay here, not a chance in hell, I’ve asked and begged several times. She’s an outside dog, hates being indoors and isn’t even toilet trained, so I’d need to be able to find, afford and rent a ground floor flat or house with a garden to keep her in. What are the chances of that? I need to put her first, but I’ve always been adamant we’ll do everything we can to keep her with us. She’s our dog, we found her, took her in and she trusts us. Never in a million years would I dump her on the street, and finding a new home would be heartbreaking for both her, and us. What do to?

Honestly, life at the moment is just one big mess. I don’t even have anything positive to say. I don’t know what to do, say, feel.

It’s 2.5 weeks until Berkay is here, but that too, is bittersweet. When I’ve published this post I’m off to book his flight back to Turkey for 19th April. He’s not even here yet and I’m already thinking about and dreading him going back.

For now, I’m taking it one day at a time. Making the most of this Sunday evening before the hell of M****y hits.
Have a good week everybody.

31 days, 1 hour and 18 minutes..

Posted on February 23, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

Last week was probably the hardest week I’ve had since I came back to England, and I’m not entirely sure why.

I found myself spending more time crying in the office toilets, than actually sat at my desk doing work for the first half of the week, and I’m not even exaggerating.

It would be easier if there was one thing bothering me, but there’s a whole list. New job that I’m not enjoying, not getting along with people, missing Berkay, wondering when I’ll next see him after April, wondering how I’ll afford it and be able to take time off, worrying about where Boncuk is going to stay in summer… The list is endless, but I can’t go into much detail because my blog is public and there are eyes I don’t want reading it.

It’s painfully obvious I’m not happy here anyway.

On the plus side, only 4.5 weeks until Berkay is back here. To be precise, it’s exactly 31 days, 1 hour and 18 mintues til he arrives 😉