New job, visas & keeping it real.

Posted on February 16, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

It’s been a big week this week.

I finally started back at work, been waiting for 2 months for them to sort out the contract! It’s a full time office job and only a 3 month temporary role, but hopefully they may keep me on afterwards. Not going to lie though, it’s been hard adjusting back to working life!

Starting back at work has made me feel really frustrated. Frustrated about the visa rules keeping us apart. In order to meet the income requirements for Berkay to come to the UK, I need to be earning another £2,600 a year. Without getting a second job and working all weekend also, in order to make up the difference I need over £21,000 in savings. I really don’t know where these rules came from, how does a shortfall of £2,600 equate to anything near £21k? Ironically, If I did earn the required income I’d really be no better off, travelling to 2 jobs would cost more, and the more money I earn, the more I’ll be paying my parents for rent. I’ve been feeling really down about it, I feel like I’m getting nowhere and that every penny I earn is meaningless, I can save it up, sure, but what use is money when you have nobody to spend it with?

I know it’s a long process, and I’m finally on the first step of the ladder, but it’s still frustrating. I’m impatient. Having Berkay so far away and seeing him for a couple of minutes on Skype everyday isn’t enough. How can we cope like this for years? It’s seriously depressing me. ‘Keep positive’ everyone says, but knowing we have another 2 years+, at the very least, of living like this is so frustrating and upsetting.

I’m also feeling jealous of other people, and I know I really shouldn’t. Jealous of people who only spend a few weeks apart at a time. Jealous of people who have their husbands here for months at a time on a visit visa and wondering why that’s just not possible for us. In theory, Berkay could have stayed here for 6 months, that would be wonderful, but then there’s our dog Boncuk to think about, and he needs to be earning money, my parents wouldn’t let him stay with us for free, so we couldn’t afford that either. I find myself becoming more jealous of these people everyday, and more and more frustrated that I can never see us being in the same position as them. Berkay works bloody hard in Turkey, 12-15 hour days for less than £250 a month, yet he’s never in a better position. I don’t know what else he can do?

‘Don’t pay for his flight, make him pay for something and save’ my Dad says. He has no idea. The cost of living in Turkey is cheaper than the UK, yes, but not that much cheaper that makes living on £250 a month possible. Thank God Berkay doesn’t have to pay rent, water, or electricity currently. But he still has phone bills, travel costs, food costs, he still has to eat, and so does Boncuk. He has debt to pay off. He hasn’t even had a full months wages since October. Roll on summer when he’ll be earning more money.

I’m finding myself getting frustrated with people telling me they know how I feel, when they really don’t. All they’ve ever known is seeing their partner once every 3 months for a week, whereas I’ve lived there for 2.5 years, woke up next to him, slept next to him, ate meals with him.. Living 2.5 years of your life seeing each other every single day, then going to see them once every 3 months is just not the same.

People are being supportive, some tell me I should get back on a plane to Turkey… ~~as if I need any convincing 😉 ,~~ others tell me I’m doing the right thing and that we’ll get there eventually. Neither really make me feel better. I just feel stuck. There is no easy way out. No quick fix.

I seem to have caused quite a bit of controversy in the past couple of days by airing my feelings on the internet, but one of the reasons I started this blog was to have a space for my own thoughts, so apologies if It’s not always happy, rainbows and butterflies. I say what I mean, and mean what I say, I try to keep it real, It wouldn’t be a true representation of my life if I only wrote the positive things on here. I welcome all comments, even if it’s not always what I want to hear!

I only hope it will be worth all the tears and time apart in the end. ❤

Quote : Art Williams.

Catching up with Berkay & Boncuk..

Posted on January 26, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

It’s been 3 weeks tomorrow since Berkay went back to Turkey, but it seems like so much longer. The day after he returned he found a job, but quit after a week or so because he was only earning £6.40 a day for 13-15 hours work and he was getting frustrated as the greedy boss was taking all of Berkay’s tips off him. When you’re earning so little, tips make all the difference, it could double his wages.

He’s been walking around all the hotels in Calis and in Fethiye trying to find work, but no luck as of yet, nobody needs staff in winter as most of the hotels are closed, and the ones that remain open are quiet enough that they do not need to employ any new people. All I can say is that it is a good job I’m not there this winter as we wouldn’t survive, no way could we find enough money to even pay rent, without even thinking about bills, food and other costs. Berkay is struggling himself, relying on friends to make him dinner and bring him food as he has zero money himself. It’s difficult for people here to understand, my Dad was moaning because I paid for Berkay’s upcoming flight to the UK in March and he thinks he should be paying for it himself, when that’s not even an option. If I don’t pay, I won’t see him, simple. Sure, at the moment Berkay doesn’t have to pay rent or electric bills, but phone, food and general day to day costs, buses, water, dog food… It all adds up, and earning £6.40 a day for a week hardly gave him an opportunity to save. He is doing his best to find work though, and is waiting for one hotel to call him back, it sounded promising!

I’ve got a feeling this summer will be hard too, with the strength of the lira weakening meaning prices in tourist resorts will increase, while wages most definitely will not.

Anyway, the time off work means Berkay has been spending a lot more time with Boncuk, and has been taking her for nice winter walks along the beach, he managed to get food for her on a ‘pay later’ promise, so she’s well fed and happy. She loves staying in the hotel and being free to roam around while its closed, we are unsure where she will be able to stay in Summer though. She’s due her yearly booster vaccinations now, so Berkay is trying to get that sorted too, luckily he has a friend who knows a vet, so no doubt they’ll be on a ‘pay later’ promise too. Getting into debt for Boncuk is worth it, of course. (:

This dog is Boncuk’s friend. It lives near the hotel and comes to the fence to say hello to her, Berkay let it into the hotel grounds today and let them have a little play off the lead together. Bless.
Berkay has also been spending a lot of time with friends, they often go fishing together hoping to catch some dinner! They are a lovely couple, we often went for BBQ’s together when I lived there, I have done a few posts involving them in the past. Their little boy, Çınar , is over a year old now, bless him. Berkay took this little monster dressing gown back for him from the UK after Christmas. Seeing how big he has got really makes me realise how much things are changing and how long I’ve been away. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday I lived there, sometimes it seems like forever.

Saying Goodbye..

Posted on January 6, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

Yesterday was the day I’ve been dreading since he arrived, we had to take Berkay to the airport and wave him off on his flight back to Turkey.

We woke up early, had breakfast and got ready, then Berkay went into my little sister’s room to kiss her goodbye. She really loves having him here and he loves her too, so that was sad. He said bye to my stepmum, then me, Berkay, my dad and brother got in the car ready to go.

That 50 minute journey to the airport was the longest. It’s a horrible feeling knowing you’re time together is running out, and theres nothing you can do to stop it. I felt so out of control.

We got to the airport, checked him in and went upstairs for a hot chocolate in the coffee shop. At this point, as awful as it sounds, I just wanted it to be over, I wanted him to go through departures and be on the other side of the airport, so that I could stop thinking about the goodbye we’d be facing, so that I could stop the urge to burst into tears and the aching in my stomach.

At about 10.40 we got up and took the short walk to the security gates, he had to scan his boarding pass to be let through. He shook Dad and Toby’s hand first, then gave them a hug, then it was my turn. We had a cuddle and shed a tear, and then he went, he blew me a kiss from the other side of the gate and then went around the corner. That was it, the point of no return.

When I moved back from living in Turkey, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I had to physically walk through those airport security gates, I had to physically stand up and walk away from Berkay and my life there, this time it was his turn, once he went through to security, there was no way I could get to him and drag him back for another hug, it was over and done with, he’d gone and there was nothing I could do about it, in a weird way that made it easier… for me at least.

I’ve never been on the other side of those gates at Gatwick before, it’s usually always me going off to Turkey and leaving my parents standing crying at the other side. It’s a horrible feeling. I should be used to goodbye’s by now, the past 3 years has been full of them. Saying goodbye to my family when I first moved to Turkey was hard, then having to say goodbye all over again everytime they came to visit. It was easier as I had Berkay with me to reassure me and make me feel better. This time I felt alone, even though I had family with me, I don’t like to really show my emotions around them.

When we came back home yesterday, I hardly spoke to anyone, I spent the whole day and night in my room, only coming out for dinner. That’s not helping, I know, but I don’t know what else to do, I don’t want to sit in a room full of people. I’m grateful I have family here, of course, but it’s just not the same without Berkay. I live in a house full of people, but I feel alone.

I was talking to friends yesterday and said I felt like someone had died, that’s all I can describe it as. ‘How do you know, what do you have to compare it to?’ They said. I don’t (Thank God), but that’s what I imagine it feels like. Sure, I can still get hold of him via text, facebook or skype pretty much whenever I want, but the physical presence isn’t here anymore. 48 hours ago he was sitting next to me in bed watching a film, now there’s an empty space. His side of the bed is empty, he has clothes left in the wardrobe, slippers by the door that belong to him, yet he’s not here to wear them, one less place at the dinner table. I miss the small things, having someone for company on the train, having someone next to me on the bus, having someone with me at the shops, helping me chose what to buy, waiting for me when I come home from work. When Berkay was here, he used to give me his loose change for my coffee on the way to work, it’s the small, cute things like that that I miss. I miss being able to escape to my room and still have someone here for company, to watch a film with, to listen to music with, to talk to. It really is like half of me is missing.

Berkay is coming back in 11 weeks time, just in time for mums wedding and my birthday. Sure, it’s something to look forward to, but it seems so far away. Im dreading going to bed everynight alone, waking up to realise im still alone and having to face another whole day the same way. I guess it will be easier once I’m back at work and have other things to keep me occupied. I know I’m lucky that Berkay’s visa was granted, I know many who have children and young babies who haven’t seen their dad’s for months, or years, because visa’s were not issued. I’m very grateful that he has been to England 5 times now, I know we are very lucky and have great photos and memories of all his times here, but that still doesn’t make it any easier.

Berkay landed back safely in Antalya last night, after taking off an hour late, and got the late bus back to Fethiye. It was a long journey but he had a lovely welcome by our dog, Boncuk, when he got there. At least someone is happy to see him back!

I’m sick of the ‘goodbyes’ and ‘see you laters’, always having to say bye to somebody, always missing somebody, always having to chose between being with family or Berkay, having to chose between what my head says (stay here, earn money and work towards a better life) or what my heart says (sod it all and move back to Berkay). I dream of the day we can all be in the same place long term and not have to spend our days dreading the next one. I suppose I just want my ‘happily ever after’.

“Even when someone is miles away, always remember that we are under the same sky, looking at the same sun, moon, and stars”

New Year’s Eve

Posted on January 6, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

While most people spent New Years in the warm at parties or celebrating with friends and family, me and Berkay decided to go up to London and watch the fireworks..

First we took a detour to the O2, where we had lunch at Chiquitos, I booked in advance thinking it would be busy, but we were the only ones in there when we arrived at 2pm, perhaps everyone was preparing themselves for the night ahead. We had a lovely meal, with nachos to start, then Berkay had a half chicken with piri piri sauce, and I had the piri piri chicken fajitas. ~~Well, if you can’t have actual Nandos, you might as well order the closest thing possible, right?~~

After lunch we headed straight to Westminster station on the train, we got there around 5pm. Everyone had warned us to get there early in order to get a good spot, we wanted to be facing the London Eye directly from Embankment, and not on one of the bridges like we had 2 years ago. It was a good job we got there when we did, as there were already people sitting down along the whole length of the barriers, apparently some had been there since 11.30am, crazy. We found a good spot almost centre of the London Eye, and there were only 4 people in front of us, so we had a good view.

We sat on our little fold up chairs and ate our snacks. For 7 hours. I still can’t quite believe we just sat there waiting for 7 hours, literally just staring at the London Eye praying the time would go fast, every dong of Big Ben we breathed a sigh of relief that another hour was over! We didn’t bring anything to amuse ourselves, we had no mobile or internet signal on our phones, and were very very bored. A few little arguments broke out over people pushing in and others complaining about being pushed and shoved, that amused us a little at least, it’s good to be nosey, or ‘people-watch’ as my mum calls it.

We were pretty cold, but thank goodness the rain held off til about 11.45pm. Everyone was too excited by then for the rain to bother them. We couldn’t move out of our spot for the entire 7 hours either, so no toilet breaks for us!

Finally at midnight, Big Ben struck and the fireworks started. They were really impressive. We had been told beforehand they were ‘multi-sensory’, each of us had a special wristband that lit up and changed colour in time to the music and fireworks, and fruit smelling spray, mist, bubbles and confetti were blown out by huge canisters, when the fireworks were red we could smell strawberry, when they were orange, we could smell orange, etc. It was definitely different! They lasted over 10 minutes and the sky was completely lit up, beautiful!

Trying to make our way back to the train station after the fireworks wasn’t so fun, hundreds of thousands of people all pushing and shoving, drunk people falling over, smashed glasses and bottles lining the streets, it was a real obstacle course, made all the worse by the rain making everywhere slippery. We followed the crowd of people and ended up in Trafalgar square, which wasn’t where we needed to be… but 4 somewhat helpful policemen later we eventually got there and boarded the packed train. By this point we were half asleep, freezing, busting for a wee and achey, but it was all part of the fun.

Not a drop of alcohol was consumed but we still had a fab time and got some great photos. Can’t say that I fancy waiting another 7.5 hours next year though, the fireworks were amazing and so much better in person, but not sure they are really worth all that waiting around!

Happy New Year everyone, hope 2014 is everything you wish it to be.

A day out in London..

Posted on January 2, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

Last Saturday me and Berkay hopped on the train and went exploring in London.

Central London is only 25 minutes on the train from us, so we left at 1130 and arrived at London Bridge before 12. We took a little detour and found Borough Market. It was so pretty as there were still Christmas trees and decorations everywhere, some places were even selling mulled cider, yum. There were hundreds of stalls, the first row we saw were all selling cooked food, hotdogs, burgers, stews, soups, rice dishes, kebabs.. Berkay wouldn’t eat any of it as the meat was cooked on the same grill as the pork, which he doesn’t eat. We carried on walking through the market past stalls selling cheese, olive oils, vegetables, biscuits, wine, bread, chocolate fudge… the list is endless. We spotted this stall, and a huge smile swept across Berkay’s face… He chatted to them for a while and bought sigara boregi (pastry with feta cheese) and yaprak dolma (stuffed vine leaves). Also note the sign says ‘Turkish Deli’… of course we all know this as a delicatessen counter, but in Turkish ‘deli’ means ‘crazy’, so this sign of Berkay posing under a sign effectively saying ‘crazy Turkish’ is quite amusing 😉

After walking around the market, we headed back to London Bridge station and went on to Waterloo, we took a walk along Southbank, which had a few fun things to do, one of them being this ‘pedal powered snowdome’ . There was a tree inside and when people sat pedaling the bikes, the snow fell down inside the globe. I can’t ride a bike so thank goodness these were well supported and fixed to the ground. We had great fun!

We were quite amused by the street entertainers at Southbank too, flexible Jamaican dancers, men in cat outfits and people pretending to be statues, this man was my favourite, he literally stood still, didn’t move an inch or even blink in the 20minutes we were stood watching him. Not one blink! How is that even possible?

We popped into the Namco game station at County Hall and used a few pennies in the 10p machines, then walked past the London eye, and across Westminster Bridge towards Big Ben stopping to pose for the typical photos along the way!

Next stop was Hyde Park Corner, where we left for Winter Wonderland. Going on a Saturday probably wasn’t the best idea because it was so busy, we had to queue for 30 minutes just to get in. We eventually did get in and had a walk through all the Christmas market area, past the traditional hog roast stalls (sorry Berkay!) and through to the area where all the rides are. Along the way we stopped at a few of the stalls where Berkay tried to win me a Minion toy, it was massive and so cute, we must have spent about £15 trying to win it, darts games, ball games, trying to throw rings onto bottles, buzz wires, he tried hard bless him but didn’t manage to win 😦

The unfortunate thing about Winter Wonderland is that everything is so expensive, although I can understand why as they must spend millions setting it all up for just a month or two of the year. It is really impressive. We bought tickets to go on one of the cheaper rides, and that still cost us £4 each. It was an awesome ride though, spinning and spinning around so fast we all got ridiculously dizzy and couldn’t walk in a straight line when we got off! There were lots and lots of rides, some house of fun types, some rollercoasters, sky drops, swings… they all looked really impressive lit up when it began getting dark.

Just after 5 o clock we headed back to London Bridge and walked along to a nearby Nandos, Berkay’s favourite. Of course it was delicious, what’s not to love about spicy chicken, chips and garlic bread? 😉 (Diet starts tomorrow…boo!!)

We got back home at 8 o clock and were knackered after our busy day. The weather held up all day and was lovely and sunny, as you can see from the photos. It made a nice change and was a lovely day out. It certainly made a difference for Berkay to see the city in the sunshine instead of rain for once!

Christmas Day!

Posted on December 31, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

Well, it was nearly a week ago, but we had a nice Christmas.

Dad was working nights on Christmas eve, so me, Berkay and my step-mum were on ‘constuction duty’ helping Father Christmas build and deliver his presents… We were up til gone 1am helping him.

My very exicted little sister left Father Christmas a mince pie, a cupcake, a glass of milk and a carrot for Rudolph, we tried to convince her to leave a glass of baileys out, but she wasn’t having any of it..

This is what we all woke up to on Christmas morning, Father Christmas even wrapped up the living room doors so no little people could get downstairs into the presents before Dad got home… Little did we know that neither of the ‘little’ people would wake up til gone 9.30!

We all went up to Dad’s room and opened our stockings, me and Berkay had our own ones, which you can tell her was thrilled about! Apparently Father Christmas knows Berkay loves Nandos, as his stocking contained 7 bottles of Nandos sauce!

After crumpets and the traditional Bucks fizz for breakfast, my brother and sister ran through the wrapping paper into the living room and were greeted with presents. It took a good few hours to open them all, my little sister was amazed by it all and wanted to play with everything before opening the next.. I miss being a little kid, but have great fun playing with all her toys myself!

Berkay got me some lovely presents, one being a traditional Turkish cay kettle, and another this Fethiyespor shirt, I wanted one before I left in September but didn’t have a chance to get one, now I can wear it with pride! He also had a skirt specially made for me, I had one similiar before that was my favourite, but it had holes in it and was ruined so he took it to a dress maker and got a new one made, how thoughtful! Bless.

After presents it was dinner time, Berkay tested out one of his new bottles of sauce and ended up using about a quarter of it on his potatoes, he must be the only person in the country who has Nandos hot sauce on their Christmas dinner!!

After dinner we went to my step-mum’s Dad’s house for a buffet and a little evening together, poor Berkay didn’t enjoy it very much as pig was pretty much the only thing on the menu, bless him.

Hope you all had a lovely Christmas and a very happy New Year to everyone, we’re off to London tomorrow to watch the fireworks along embankment, wish us luck, I expect we will end up very wet, very cold and very squashed, it’s all part of the fun!!

Early Christmas..

Posted on December 22, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

3 more days til Santa, but Christmas came early for us today, as we celebrated at Mum’s house.

We woke up this morning after a night of sharing the sofa bed with the dog, who was also feeling very festive.

We had crumpets for breakfast and then opened our presents, while still in our pajamas, as per Christmas tradition 😉

Even Boncuk got some presents, she wasn’t forgotten! 🙂
We ate a huge Christmas dinner cooked by my mum’s partner (apparently having pickled onions with roast dinner is not normal?!) and had yummy dessert along with countless chocolates and other treats.

Of course we all had Christmas crackers and wore our cracker hats too, everyone has to have a silly cracker hat photo, right?

We’re currently watching rubbish films on TV, and waiting to go back to dad’s house soon. Work tomorrow and Christmas Eve, time is flying. Berkay has been here a week tomorrow already… Crazy.

He’s here for 2 more weeks until the 5th Jan, which I suspect will also pass by very quickly, unfortunately. Poor Berkay is bored out of his mind and probably can’t wait to go home 😦 I’ll have to get Dad to find him some jobs to do while I’m at work all day tomorrow, he’s already washed the car and done some babysitting duties, bless, anything to keep him amused!

BERKAYS FAVOURITE PLACE – NANDOS

Posted on December 21, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

Nandos is most definitely Berkay’s favourite thing about England. He absolutely loves it.

After work on Friday, we had a spare couple of hours before we had to babysit my brother & sister, so we took a detour to spicy chicken heaven, Nandos.

Being a Turk, Berkay loves spicy stuff. Very spicy. Not content with the hot chicken he had, he tipped loads of extra hot sauce over his garlic bread, pitta, chicken and chips. How he eats it without smoke coming out of his ears I have no idea, good job you get free refills for the drinks!

Nandos is my favourite too. Red pepper dip, chicken in pitta, spicy chips… yummy.
Afterwards we got the bus home, but not before stopping to take a photo of this pretty tree.
3 days til Christmas 🙂
Writing this post is making me so hungry, Im going out with my friends for dinner tonight and table isn’t booked til 8pm… mmmmm, We’re spending the weekend back in Essex in mums house, we are celebrating Christmas tomorrow here, 3 days early, as we won’t see her, so lots of festive photos coming tomorrow!

🙂

A Christmassy afternoon out!

Posted on December 20, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

We all got well and truely into the Christmas spirit yesterday, as after I finished work we all went to see Father Christmas at his grotto in Polhill, Sevenoaks.

Obviously we only went for my little sister (yeah right 😉 ) even if she was scared and refused a photo with Father Christmas, bless. She did sit in his sleigh though, and made Berkay hop in for a photo too!
Personally I loved the cute. but slightly scary talking bears, owl, reindeer and trees… we had to pose for a photo with Rudolph to capture the moment 😉

Father Christmas told us all a little story about a poor tiny Christmas tree that nobody wanted.. bless. He was a little bit scary, I can see why my sister didn’t want to be anywhere near him!
After wandering around the rest of the garden centre (we came away with nothing more than 3 bars of chocolate and a bag of oranges!) we went to a nearby Toby Carvery and had a yummy roast Turkey dinner. It was all very Christmassy!

6 more sleeps til Santa…

Reunited!!

Posted on December 18, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

We picked Berkay up from the airport last night!! 🙂

His flight landed at 22.45 and about 45 minutes later he appeared! Me and Dad stood right by the arrivals door so we could see him coming around the corner, we were getting rather impatient but eventually he came wandering through, after apparently being stopped and having all his suitcase searched! He must have looked dodgy 😉

A quick hug, kiss and a photo later, we made our way to the car and Berkay got greeted by the lovely, typical British weather, it was peeing down with rain!

We got home at 1.30am, and went straight to sleep. At 7am this morning when my alarm went off, I really didn’t want to get up and go to work. Berkay was all nice and cosy in bed and I had to leave him to go to work all day. It’s usually the other way around! 😉

He stayed at home all day and was reunited with my little sister, who adores him. Apparently she had been crying when she realised Berkay was still asleep earlier in the day as she wanted to see him so badly, bless. As soon as he woke up she made up for lost time and had him straight on the floor doing puzzles, building megablock houses and doing some colouring. She’s like his little sheep at the moment, it’s cute. Before she went to bed tonight she said ‘night night Berkay, are you going back to Turkey?’… I think she just wanted to make sure he’d still be here in the morning when she wakes up!

We had a mini belated birthday celebration, as it was Berkay’s birthday on Friday. My sister and step-mum made little Mr Men fairy cakes and we stuck sparkly candles in them. He opened his presents and cards and we had a lovely Chinese for dinner.

Tomorrow I’m only working in the morning so we can spend the afternoon together, we’re all going to see Father Christmas, I wonder if he’ll think Berkay has been naughty or nice 😉