It’s been a big week this week.
I finally started back at work, been waiting for 2 months for them to sort out the contract! It’s a full time office job and only a 3 month temporary role, but hopefully they may keep me on afterwards. Not going to lie though, it’s been hard adjusting back to working life!
Starting back at work has made me feel really frustrated. Frustrated about the visa rules keeping us apart. In order to meet the income requirements for Berkay to come to the UK, I need to be earning another £2,600 a year. Without getting a second job and working all weekend also, in order to make up the difference I need over £21,000 in savings. I really don’t know where these rules came from, how does a shortfall of £2,600 equate to anything near £21k? Ironically, If I did earn the required income I’d really be no better off, travelling to 2 jobs would cost more, and the more money I earn, the more I’ll be paying my parents for rent. I’ve been feeling really down about it, I feel like I’m getting nowhere and that every penny I earn is meaningless, I can save it up, sure, but what use is money when you have nobody to spend it with?
I know it’s a long process, and I’m finally on the first step of the ladder, but it’s still frustrating. I’m impatient. Having Berkay so far away and seeing him for a couple of minutes on Skype everyday isn’t enough. How can we cope like this for years? It’s seriously depressing me. ‘Keep positive’ everyone says, but knowing we have another 2 years+, at the very least, of living like this is so frustrating and upsetting.
I’m also feeling jealous of other people, and I know I really shouldn’t. Jealous of people who only spend a few weeks apart at a time. Jealous of people who have their husbands here for months at a time on a visit visa and wondering why that’s just not possible for us. In theory, Berkay could have stayed here for 6 months, that would be wonderful, but then there’s our dog Boncuk to think about, and he needs to be earning money, my parents wouldn’t let him stay with us for free, so we couldn’t afford that either. I find myself becoming more jealous of these people everyday, and more and more frustrated that I can never see us being in the same position as them. Berkay works bloody hard in Turkey, 12-15 hour days for less than £250 a month, yet he’s never in a better position. I don’t know what else he can do?
‘Don’t pay for his flight, make him pay for something and save’ my Dad says. He has no idea. The cost of living in Turkey is cheaper than the UK, yes, but not that much cheaper that makes living on £250 a month possible. Thank God Berkay doesn’t have to pay rent, water, or electricity currently. But he still has phone bills, travel costs, food costs, he still has to eat, and so does Boncuk. He has debt to pay off. He hasn’t even had a full months wages since October. Roll on summer when he’ll be earning more money.
I’m finding myself getting frustrated with people telling me they know how I feel, when they really don’t. All they’ve ever known is seeing their partner once every 3 months for a week, whereas I’ve lived there for 2.5 years, woke up next to him, slept next to him, ate meals with him.. Living 2.5 years of your life seeing each other every single day, then going to see them once every 3 months is just not the same.
People are being supportive, some tell me I should get back on a plane to Turkey…
as if I need any convincing 😉 , others tell me I’m doing the right thing and that we’ll get there eventually. Neither really make me feel better. I just feel stuck. There is no easy way out. No quick fix.
I seem to have caused quite a bit of controversy in the past couple of days by airing my feelings on the internet, but one of the reasons I started this blog was to have a space for my own thoughts, so apologies if It’s not always happy, rainbows and butterflies. I say what I mean, and mean what I say, I try to keep it real, It wouldn’t be a true representation of my life if I only wrote the positive things on here. I welcome all comments, even if it’s not always what I want to hear!
I only hope it will be worth all the tears and time apart in the end. ❤
Quote : Art Williams.
Love reading your blog ,Danni but feel sad that you can’t be with the man you love,is there no way that you could get residency and work in Turkey? I know that unlike England an “immigrant” cannot take a job that a Turkish person can do but would that apply to you if you and Berkay were married?perhaps you could explain to us why you cannot live and work in Turkey as I for one would really like to understand the restrictions.Maybe you would both rather live in England ,would love to know.
I had residency for 2.5 years but cant work there no, not unless i wanted to be a teach but need qualifications for that. on the day i was moving back to england i had a turkish school call me offering me a job, but they said i needed my own work permit and they wouldnt help me get one. 😦 Or a rep, but you cant chose what area you want to be placed in. I looked at applying for rep jobs whilst i was in turkey but they only gave work permits to people living in england for the past 6 months, something to do with it being a british contract… check out this post too if you havent already 🙂 https://livingtheturkishdream.wordpress.com/2013/09/26/movingbacktoengland/
I enjoy reading all your posts, positive and negative. It gives me a real insight as to what it’s like being with someone from Turkey, as this is now my current situation. It’s good to know what other people are going through and that I’m not the only crazy one! 😃 xx
Aww thanks 🙂 Glad people can relate x
Oh sweet,most of your blogs are so positive and reading this last one I really feel for you,you said about getting a job in turkey teaching,could you not go to college or evening classes to qualify? Just a thought. I’ve been wracking my brains to come up with something for you to focus on and this is the only idea I’ve come up with so far. Not so long until Berkay is here again,I can understand how frustrated you are but keep those positive thought Hun it will all come good one day x
Thanks..I’ll have to look into it! I think i can do online courses like TEFL… xx
Can you not enrol in course called TEFL (Teaching English As a foreign Language) they are not to expensive and this might get you a work permit.
Am I correct in saying that if you and Berkay were married then you could legally work in Turkey? Just trying to find a solution for you to go back there as you really don’t seem to be very happy to be back in the UK x I hope that eventually you can both be together x
No, need to have a work permit or be married for 3 years and get a turkish ID xx
Danni you already know my feelings about all this so I’m not going to repeat anything, but you also know that I am concerned for you and want you to be happy.
One thing I would say though is that your blog is yours, for you to express how you feel, to write about anything that you choose. I use my blog in the same way. It’s useful, and yes we may get comments that leave us more confused, but we weigh it all up and make our own decisions. But I would say that I wouldn’t actually write about all this on Facebook, because in my experience it seems to bring out too much drama (and sometimes nastiness) in others commenting. (You probably saw my status about people sharing their drama on Facebook…which was not aimed at you, but at others choosing to use it for THEIR drama, which is not helpful).
Follow your own heart and mind…you will come up with your own solution.
By the way, TEFL courses can be done online…expensive but maybe worth the investment, to enable you to work legally in Turkey.
Thanks Linda 🙂 You are so supportive but honest too! 🙂 Yes you’re right about Facebook…
Im looking into the TEFL, its just finding time to do it to be honest! x
Danni I just wanted to say I feel for you. Life must be so tough for you and Berkay, thanks for sharing.
Thanks Sam x
The problem lies with the British government who should and must allow the spouses of British citizens no matter where they come from residency in the UK. These rules need to be changed. Most immigrants do not have a UK connection, but they are allowed in without all the restrictions and do not have to have a lump sum in the bank or gainful employment.
It is appalling in this day and age that families are split up. Maybe you should start a petition, I am sure you would get thousand of signatures as there are a lot of people in your situation, but of course you will have to get married!!!! Good luck.XXX
There are loads of petitions around, I don’t think the government even take them seriously to be honest! I agree with you, the government are just picking on the wrong people, they cant even claim benefits of anything else anyway. 😦 Thank you xx
A petition sounds a good idea Fleur,I for one agree with all you say,I am at a loss s to what to say to Danni she seems so down at the moment .
Love reading your blog.. i know how hard it is.. im now living in Turkey been here only 3 months with my hubby having a good job as a Teacher working for the government, im working as a Teacher here aswel.. I would do anything for him to live in the UK, but he’l never agree to it.. I hope all goes well for you and hubby, know how stressful it can get.. Good luck with everything xx
Thanks, youre lucky you both have good jobs! 🙂 You too xx
Firstly, a blog should be real & reflect your reality & as nobody’s life is all sunshine & butterflies, please don’t apologise for being honest. Ok, some blunt talking now. You say you need to be earning at least another £2,600 pa. So you have two options – get a weekend/evening job to make up the shortfall & save more money, or look for another better paid job while you are at your current job. As you are missing Berkay you might as well fill those empty evenings & weekends with work, they will keep you busy & earn you cash & stop the temptation to go out & spend. A pub job will give you some social life without buying spending your own money. Can you negotiate with your parents so that not all your extra earnings go on your rent/food? Maybe you could do some chores round the house/garden in lieu of extra housekeeping? Or bargain with the fact that you wont be at home so much. You cannot really expect your father & stepmum to keep Berkay for free for 6 months – sorry if this sounds harsh but that is the reality. In the 1980s I had a fulltime job & p/time job working every evening & Satudays to keep the wolf from the door when the mortage rates were 15% & rising. I did this for about 2 yrs – I’m not going to pretend it was easy, it wasn’t, but it was a means to an end & I got thru it. You will too Danni – nobody is going to pretend it will be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is. And when it all gets too much, you can come on here & let rip 🙂
Sorry for the late reply, thanks for commenting! I’m going to be looking for weekend work and havent stopped looking for a job even though im at this one, if something more well paid came along, i’d take it! 🙂 … Oh I do lots around the house, but it’s still the more I earn the more I give them, I definitely wouldn’t want them to keep him for 6months, I pay extra to them for him to stay here for 3 weeks! 🙂 Hehe I will, here is my place to vent and rant away, I try to keep it more positive though 🙂 Thanks x
Just wanted to reassure you that your housekeeping won’t keep going up – dad & I agreed that it would be a smaller amount when you only had a part time job, that’s why it has gone up now you are working full time 🙂
How could there be controversy? You guys are both trying your darndest to be able to be together, I think that’s inspiring.
One neat way I’ve found to make a tiny bit of cash online is to take surveys. I’ve only got links for Canadian ones, unfortunately, but there must quite a few in the UK. As soon as you’ve taken enough surveys (each worth a specific number of “points”), you can get cash – every 1000 points I get 10$ in my PayPal account!
Thanks, I knew about those kind of sites 🙂 Unfortunately, it has to be regular income as they take the lowest wage over the 6 months and use that as the basis! :(xx
Hello Danni. I know that this information does not help you at THIS moment, but its a light at the end of the tunnel! ( You may have already seen it)
7th December 2013
After more than two years of negotiations Turks will be allowed to travel across Europe without needing a visa within three years.
The agreement was finalised this week between Ankara and Brussels and in return, Turkey will allow EU governments to send back migrants who illegally enter Europe from it’s borders.
Visa-free travel for Turkish Citizens
“Turkish citizens will be able to travel to EU countries with no visa requirement in three years at the latest,” stated Egemen Bagis, Turkey’s Minister for EU Affairs.
The Turkish President Abdullah Gül, welcomed the new visa deal with the European Union; and stated during a visit to the governor’s office in Gaziantep; “The current visa requirements for Turkey were unacceptable.”
[New regulations for renting out your Turkish property]
“The fact that the EU was holding onto a very strict visa application while signing visa freedom deals with countries from Russia to the Balkans, countries that are not even candidates, was unacceptable,”
“I hope that in a short amount of time, maybe a couple of years, Turkish citizens can travel through Europe without visas. I see this as an important step,” [stated Gül]
On December 16th 2013 in Ankara, both the European Union and Turkey will sign the much-anticipated ‘Readmission Agreement’. And in return the visa liberalisation talks for Turkish citizens will be launched.
This comes after two years of vigorous negotiations.
On December 4th 2013 in Brussels, the decision for the signing of the Readmission Agreement was announced. (Allowing EU governments to send back illegal immigrants from Turkey) However, Turkey had previously stalled the Readmission Agreement for many years, due to their distrust over the EU’s willingness to relax visa rules for Turkish Citizens.
Count down to visa-free travel
Within three years, it is hoped Turkish citizens will be able to enter Europe without needing a visa. Providing the process goes smoothly after the deal is signed.
As well as the obvious benefits for Turkish citizens, the new deal is also considered to have a positive influence on Turkey’s accession process into the European Union.
Turkey has rightly criticised the EU for not allowing visa-free travel rights to Turkish citizens with President Abdullah Gül stating; Turkey is a full member of Customs Union which allows the goods to circulate between Turkey and EU member states, but the owners of these goods cannot travel to Europe freely to advertise their goods, isn’t it odd,”
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thanks, i think thats just for visits though, we can only hope though! xx