It’s been a big week this week.
I finally started back at work, been waiting for 2 months for them to sort out the contract! It’s a full time office job and only a 3 month temporary role, but hopefully they may keep me on afterwards. Not going to lie though, it’s been hard adjusting back to working life!
Starting back at work has made me feel really frustrated. Frustrated about the visa rules keeping us apart. In order to meet the income requirements for Berkay to come to the UK, I need to be earning another £2,600 a year. Without getting a second job and working all weekend also, in order to make up the difference I need over £21,000 in savings. I really don’t know where these rules came from, how does a shortfall of £2,600 equate to anything near £21k? Ironically, If I did earn the required income I’d really be no better off, travelling to 2 jobs would cost more, and the more money I earn, the more I’ll be paying my parents for rent. I’ve been feeling really down about it, I feel like I’m getting nowhere and that every penny I earn is meaningless, I can save it up, sure, but what use is money when you have nobody to spend it with?
I know it’s a long process, and I’m finally on the first step of the ladder, but it’s still frustrating. I’m impatient. Having Berkay so far away and seeing him for a couple of minutes on Skype everyday isn’t enough. How can we cope like this for years? It’s seriously depressing me. ‘Keep positive’ everyone says, but knowing we have another 2 years+, at the very least, of living like this is so frustrating and upsetting.
I’m also feeling jealous of other people, and I know I really shouldn’t. Jealous of people who only spend a few weeks apart at a time. Jealous of people who have their husbands here for months at a time on a visit visa and wondering why that’s just not possible for us. In theory, Berkay could have stayed here for 6 months, that would be wonderful, but then there’s our dog Boncuk to think about, and he needs to be earning money, my parents wouldn’t let him stay with us for free, so we couldn’t afford that either. I find myself becoming more jealous of these people everyday, and more and more frustrated that I can never see us being in the same position as them. Berkay works bloody hard in Turkey, 12-15 hour days for less than £250 a month, yet he’s never in a better position. I don’t know what else he can do?
‘Don’t pay for his flight, make him pay for something and save’ my Dad says. He has no idea. The cost of living in Turkey is cheaper than the UK, yes, but not that much cheaper that makes living on £250 a month possible. Thank God Berkay doesn’t have to pay rent, water, or electricity currently. But he still has phone bills, travel costs, food costs, he still has to eat, and so does Boncuk. He has debt to pay off. He hasn’t even had a full months wages since October. Roll on summer when he’ll be earning more money.
I’m finding myself getting frustrated with people telling me they know how I feel, when they really don’t. All they’ve ever known is seeing their partner once every 3 months for a week, whereas I’ve lived there for 2.5 years, woke up next to him, slept next to him, ate meals with him.. Living 2.5 years of your life seeing each other every single day, then going to see them once every 3 months is just not the same.
People are being supportive, some tell me I should get back on a plane to Turkey…
as if I need any convincing 😉 , others tell me I’m doing the right thing and that we’ll get there eventually. Neither really make me feel better. I just feel stuck. There is no easy way out. No quick fix.
I seem to have caused quite a bit of controversy in the past couple of days by airing my feelings on the internet, but one of the reasons I started this blog was to have a space for my own thoughts, so apologies if It’s not always happy, rainbows and butterflies. I say what I mean, and mean what I say, I try to keep it real, It wouldn’t be a true representation of my life if I only wrote the positive things on here. I welcome all comments, even if it’s not always what I want to hear!