Berkay & Boncuk settling in..

Posted on November 19, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

I can safely say Boncuk is LOVING being at the hotel 24/7 and being able to walk around the grounds with no danger of her getting out. The hotel is closed and Berkay is the only one there, apart from the security man, who happens to be Berkays best friend! (: Boncuk is being a good little guard dog, barking and waking them up to investigate when someone/something is there who shoudn’t be!

Berkay’s not having the best of times, he still hasn’t found a job for winter, although he has one promised starting in January. He has no money and if it wasn’t for his friend always inviting him to his house for dinner, he’d be starving. The hotel has no running hot water either, so everytime he wants a shower he has to boil water on the gas, oh i do not miss those days.

At least they have each other, Boncuk adores Berkay. Everytime he goes in his room, she sits outside the window looking in at him, bless her. They really are best buddies.

It just goes to show that dogs really do stick with you, no matter if they’re in a lovely, cosy house or a small, cold room underneath a hotel with bare minimum. Animals are so much nicer than most humans ❤

Adapting to life back in the UK- Reverse culture shock.

Posted on November 16, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

I recently read a quote somewhere saying ‘the hardest thing about living abroad is returning home’. There have never been words more true.

I may have been back ‘home’ for over 7 weeks now, but adapting to life back in the UK is not easy. After researching, I found out that what I am experiencing is not just me being silly, it’s something that is real, something that others experience too. Reverse culture shock.

We’ve all heard of culture shock, I sure experienced that too when I first moved to Turkey. Moving thousands of miles away and being thrown in at the deep end, oceans away from all my family and friends and the life I had known for 19 years. No more ready meals, no wearing shoes inside, the fact it’s not uncommon to meet someone in the bus stop, instantly learn where he’s from, how old he is, and be invited to some random family occassion they’re holding soon. Adapting to ‘Turkish time’ and accepting that nothing will ever be done quickly. Learning to sleep through the call to prayer at 5am. The infamous Turkish toilets, and not being able to put paper down the normal toilets. Haggling in every shop you come across. Not being able to walk down the street without being called over by everyone you might have met once upon a time. Not hearing any English conversations… none of these are bad things, just very different. I adapted quickly and ended up living 99% like a local ~~minus the village baggy flowery trousers.~~

Culture shock, you expect. But reverse culture shock is different. On return to your ‘home country’ you don’t expect to feel like a foreigner, which is exactly how I still feel. The two and a half years I lived in Turkey I lost my connections to ‘home’, I felt less and less like an English girl, whilst obviously not being Turkish either. It’s a strange feeling, one that I can’t explain. It hits me at the most random times, sat on a bus and hearing English conversations all around, seeing English sign posts, seeing all the food in the English supermarket, it’s all quite overwhelming.

I suppose one of the main things which is difficult to adapt to is the fact that the lives of the people I love and care about at ‘home’ have moved on. Family and friends have new lives, some have attended and graduated university, others are married and have children, my mum has found a boyfriend and is engaged and my little sister who was a 3 week old baby when I left, is now over two and a half years old. Whilst I was not naive enough to expect everything to remain the same, it’s still hard to cope with things being so different to when I left them. Everyone else has moved on, and I’m back starting from the beginning, having to find a new job, adapting to life back with my family, and trying to find time to see friends who are all busy with their own lives. I don’t feel as close to my friends or family anymore, I left my own ‘family’ back in Turkey. I do feel like a foreigner in my own ‘home’.

Living back with my family is hard, after living alone with Berkay for two years. I miss the peace. Quiet evenings without a moody teenager and excitable toddler running around. Selfishly, I miss not having to worry about anyone else and just doing my own thing, washing up when I want, eating when I want, having control of the tv 😉 I feel less independent. I love my family but it’s still such an odd feeling being back, I feel like I’m intruding, this is their home, and not mine.

Another thing hard to adjust and adapt to is the whole ‘want it-get it’ attitude that is common here (I’m not saying every English person lives this way, please no nasty comments!) If someone wants something, they go out and buy it. Food, clothes, a phone.. whatever. While in Turkey I lived on the bare necessities, I had no luxuries. My dad has been bugging me for weeks to go out and buy a coat, or a pair of tights without a hole in the toe. He took out a new phone contract for me last week, despite me telling him I was happy with my ancient LG phone with a black and white screen and no internet capability that belongs in the stone ages. To me, that’s not the normal thing to do, If I were back in Turkey I’d just deal with it and carry on, make do and focus on the more important things like paying bills. I find that people’s priorities here are so backwards. I am starting to fall into that trap now too, especially where food is concerned!

I’m much more judgmental of the UK now I have lived somewhere else, perhaps wrongly, perhaps not. I have seen a different side of life that some have not, people assume I lived like a tourist, had what I wanted when I wanted it and had a life of luxury and a two year holiday. That’s so wrong.

People can’t understand what’s so difficult about returning to their own culture, customs, and language, they say ‘just move on get over it’. It’s really not that easy. The ‘just move on’ attitude doesn’t help, it only makes me feel more isolated, more like I don’t fit in. People not understanding has led to arguments. I was reluctant to do this post as I know any family reading will still be annoyed and upset about the things I say. Having read fellow ex-expat’s blogs about this subject, I decided to post it anyway, it’s important to know these feelings are real and if just one person reads and feels less alone and isolated, then it’s done it’s job.

Fethiye Fountains..

Posted on November 8, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

Feeling a bit ‘homesick‘ lately, so was looking through some old photos and thought I’d share some from my last night in Fethiye back in September which we spent watching the fountains in Fethiye.

They’ve been here for a year now, but because Berkay works nights we hadn’t had a chance to see them as he was always working.

The fountain show’s happen two times a day and are accompanied by music, very loud music! They are so pretty and I love them, even if they a little cheesy. They’re in the new park built opposite McDonalds in Fethiye town and look fab, brightly coloured and very cheerful. (: What do you think?

Visa time..

Posted on November 7, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

It’s been 6 weeks since I last saw Berkay, thankfully time is going by quickly, he’s currently in the process of applying for a visit visa so he can come to England for Christmas.

He’s actually on the bus for the 5 hour journey from Fethiye to Izmir as we speak. We completed the application and made his appointment at the visa application centre for 9am tomorrow morning, fingers crossed everything goes to plan and he gets it granted with no problems, but we won’t find out for up to 3 weeks/15 working days.

He’s had two visit visas granted before, and one refused 2 years ago. Despite what most people think, the UK’s borders are not open for all and it is not easy for citizens of non-European countries to come to the UK, even for a 3 week holiday. The whole process is a very long, detailed one and it is very frustrating. I have spoken before on here about how annoying it is to hear Brits complaining about having to pay the £10 visa fee on arrival in Turkey, and moaning about having to wait for 30 minutes in a queue for the visa stamp. If you compare that to the process of a Turkish person visiting the UK, it really is nothing to complain about at all. The visa fee for non-EU citizens to enter the UK is £80 and even after paying, it is not guaranteed that the visa shall be granted, as we discovered the first time Berkay applied, and was refused.

The amount of paperwork we have to provide is also ridiculous, not only does Berkay have to show his entire life history, prove his ties to turkey in the form of property, land, employment, family links etc, but me, as his partner also have to prove that I exist, copies of my passport, proof of address, evidence of our relationship, photos… Then there is the issue of having enough money. Berkay has no money saved as wages are rubbish, and so has to have a sponsor. My dad is his sponsor, who also has to show bank statements, work contracts, invoices, tax returns, earnings, passport copies, letters, etc. If British people had to show all of this to travel to Turkey, nobody would ever bother going, can you imagine the amount of people who get into debt to pay off holidays etc, they’d all be refused unless they just so happened to have a friend in Turkey who had money saved in the bank.

The previous times Berkay has travelled to England, I have travelled with him. On arrival at the airport we felt like criminals with all the questions asked and people watching us. I understand that checks have to be made, but the whole visa process is ridiculous and horrible. There is always a risk of people overstaying visas or working illegally, but when you’re genuine and know you are going to stick to the rules, it’s frustrating having to prove yourself and have strangers judging your life and making important decisions just by reading pieces of paper.

Fingers crossed he hands in his huge pile of papers ok tomorrow morning, and that we get the decision back as soon as possible. The wait to open that envelope searching for a refusal letter or a visa stamp in his passport is a horrible one too, glad I’m not there to go through that this time.

Let’s hope we hear ASAP and Berkay can join me in the UK for 3 weeks over Christmas and New Year. Wish us luck please! ❤

New home, Boncuk & work..

Posted on November 7, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

Loooooong time, no speak. Apologies for the lack of posts lately, have been really busy and struggling to find time to think about what to write.

A few new things… number one, I have a job. Nothing exciting, it’s only at Argos and only part-time, but hopefully I’ll get alot more hours in the next few weeks with the Christmas rush! Anything is better than nothing (:

Number two, Berkay has moved out of the apartment we shared 😦 He has moved into a room under the hotel he worked in during summer, and is staying there for the winter. The hotel is all closed up but he’s staying in a little room underneath and has taken Boncuk with him too, hopefully she’ll settle in okay and not miss her home too much 😦 The good news is this means he won’t have to pay rent, and will hopefully be able to save some wages. The bad news is he has no internet there so we won’t be able to Facetime each other, boo.
Here are a few photos of Boncuk checking out the new abode!

Turkish food shopping..in London!

Posted on October 22, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

Today Dad took me to the Turkish Food Centre near us, and we stocked up on a few Turkish goodies. Always on the look out for new blog post ideas, I thought Id take a few photos and share the store for anyone else in London who may be experiencing withdrawal symptoms from their favourite Turkish snacks!

The TFC we went to is in Welling, south east London, but they have branches all over London. Click here to visit their site and see if there’s a store near you!

The shop has a selection of fruit and veg as well as a meat counter and bakery. The bakery sells that fresh Turkish bread we all love, along with all kinds of traditional Turkish cakes and pastries, most importantly there is a good selection of baklava too!

They sell everything else you could want, shampoo, toiletries, snacks, cakes, biscuits, crisps, juice, cheese, butter, all brands that you would find in Turkish shops and that you wouldn’t normally see in the UK. In typical Turkish style, the ‘pickled vegetables’ aisle was the biggest, along with huge jars of olives and bags of cay!

Everything in the shop seemed reasonably priced to me, more expensive than in Turkey, but not by much. We came away with a bag of Turkish tea, apple tea, sunflower seeds, simit bread, sachets of salep, cracker sticks, pop keks and wafer chocolates.

It was so weird seeing all these Turkish brands in the shop, it was like being back home in Fethiye! When you spend 2.5 years in a country you get used to their food and I really quite miss it when its not there anymore. Seeing the shampoo I used to buy in Turkey made me smile, sometimes it’s the small things! In the same way when going abroad you miss home comforts, when returning back after so many years, you miss things you never thought you would. It’s a lot of adapting, even down to the little things like which shampoo you buy!..Perhaps I’m just a little odd and too sentimental (:

Iyi Bayramlar!

Posted on October 15, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

To all my Turkish, and Muslim, friends, family and readers all over the world, iyi bayramlar/Eid mubarak.
Hope you all have a wonderful few days celebrating with friends and family, I have blog posts coming up about how Berkay spent the holidays in Turkey! (:

What is Kurban Bayram?

Posted on October 12, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

As some of you may know, it is Kurban Bayram next week, but what does this mean, and how will it affect your holiday to Turkey?

Bayram literally means festival, or holiday, and is used to describe national and religious holidays in Turkey. There are two main religious (Islamic) holidays, one being Seker Bayram (celebrated after Ramadan), and the other being Kurban bayram, which is celebrated next week. In the UK this is known as Ed-al-Adha.

Kurban Bayram is the festival of the sacrifice, where millions of people sacrifice an animal to commemorate the Islamic prophet Ibrahim’s willingness to sacrifice his son as an act of obedience to God. Animals such as cows, goats and most often, sheep, are sacrificed. Once sacrificed, the meat is shared out, some is given to the poor, some is kept for the family, and some is given to other relatives, friends and neighbours. Of course Kurban Bayram/Eid isn’t just celebrated in Turkey, it is celebrated by Muslims all over the world.

This year, preparation for Kurban Bayram begins on the eve of the festival, the 14th October. Kurban Bayram will run from and including 15th-18th October and government offices, schools, post offices, banks, and some supermarkets will be closed throughout these days. Turkish people will be busy visiting family and friends, so roads, transport, hotels and restaurants will be very busy and full during the festivities.

What is my experience?
I was living in Turkey last year for Bayram and the atmosphere during this time is very special, it’s even something an outsider who doesn’t celebrate can sense. The only thing I can compare it to is Christmas. All the family comes together and enjoys time off from work and school to celebrate.

Berkay came home from work on the morning of the first day of Bayram and said our landlord had invited us downstairs for Turkish tea and to see the animal they were sacrificing. We stood on our balcony and watched as he tied the sheep up, said a prayer and slit its throat. It was all over very quickly. After he had killed it, he cut it’s head off, hung it up and began to skin it, then he cut its feet off, finished skinning it and cut its organs out. The wool and skin was left out to dry and the blood all washed away. That was it. My landlord is practically a farmer and owns sheep, goats and chickens so he was able to perform the sacrifice on his farm land, however, normally the sacrifice is supposed to be carried out by a professional in designated areas. It is not supposed to be done publicly in parks or playgrounds nowadays.

The sacrifice was over very quickly and it was very humane, it could be very disturbing for some people to watch though. It upset me a little, but it’s good to be reminded where your food comes from. Meat is so readily available in supermarkets these days that we all take it for granted and don’t really stop to think about where it really comes from.

The meat is given out to poor people, friends and neighbours. We got given a whole leg, it was a bit weird seeing it in my freezer.

In the evening we all gathered around for a barbeque downstairs in the garden (we all know how Turks like their bbq’s, don’t we?!) and of course the only thing on the menu was the meat that had formed part of a fluffy white sheep in my garden only a few hours earlier.

I have seen comments from people in the past who say the process of sacrificing millions of sheep over a few days for a religious festival is barbaric and inhumane, however, the meaning behind the tradition and the process of giving meat to those less fortunate people is a good one in my opinion, it is not meaningless killing for the sake of it, it has a purpose. Some people do find this an outdated, old fashioned tradition and some modern families like to donate money to charity instead.

Those normal tourists on holiday are very unlikely to see anything going on, they will probably be blissfully unaware of the sacrificing going on, as I mentioned above, it is often only done in designated areas in main towns. In the days leading up to Kurban Bayram you may see truck loads of sheep and goats being taken to towns, villages and cities. You will know the fate of those livestock on board. You may notice restaurants and hotels more busy than normal so it’s a good idea to book in advance if you plan to visit or go out during the next week. Remember banks will be closed and ATM’s may run out of cash. It is a nice idea to wish people happy holidays by saying ”Iyi Bayramlar”.

Overall, my experience of Kurban Bayram is a good one, It is more than just a bunch of crazy Turk’s cutting sheep’s heads off, in most cases, it is a traditional, civilized, family celebration of a religious festival.
I wish I were there this year!

Man flu, sister duties & giant teddies..

Posted on October 8, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

Tuesday today, instead of our weekly trip to Fethiye market for lunch and coming home with bags of fruit, veg and meat, I spent the day job hunting online, writing cover letters and going to cooking class with my little sister.

It still feels like a holiday, I still can’t believe I’m here for good and won’t see my home, boyfriend or dog anytime soon..

I’m loving spending time with my little sister, although it is a little irritating when she won’t leave my side and always wants to sit on my bed doing her puzzles, haha. Dad and stepmum have been working the same shifts this week so I’ve been doing big sister duties, taking her to nursery, picking her up and going to the park. (: It sure is a big adjustment from living alone with Berkay to living with my dad, stepmum, moody teenage brother and slightly irritating (seriously, how many times can you sing ‘wheels on the bus’ in one day?), two year old little sister. I love them though 🙂 Just miss the peace and quiet sometimes!

I do really miss general everyday life in Turkey, Berkay has been telling me its cold there this week, if I were there we’d be sitting all wrapped up warm around a BBQ on the balcony.. ): I miss walking our dog, going to the Tuesday markets, just waking up next to someone other than my giant teddy bear.. (It’s bigger than me..don’t ask..) He has been FaceTiming me everyday though and sending me photos of Boncuk, I hope she hasn’t forgotten me!

As well as all of that, I’ve been ill since Saturday, cold, cough, sore throat, headache, earache… Man flu..

All in all, nothing has changed since last time I posted.. It still doesn’t feel like home here, and I still want to go back.. ):

Bodrum Day 3. Views, boxes full of chicks and a broken down bus..

Posted on October 2, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

We spent our last few hours in Bodrum much the same as the previous two days, stuffing our faces with food and taking photos..

Breakfast was as good as ever. P.S, who doesn’t love hotel freebies?

After breakfast we wandered up to the roof terrace of the hotel where we had amazing 360oc panoramic views of Gumbet. The blue sky with a few clouds, boats on the sea and white buildings on the hillside make a great backdrop. It looked like a postcard.

I love how all the buildings in Bodrum and surrounding areas are white. It definitely adds something to the place, it makes it look so traditional and beautiful.

We sat by the pool for 10minutes and had a game of table tennis, then packed up our things and went to Bodrum. We had to check out at 12.00 but our bus back to Fethiye wasn’t til 14.30 so we had 2 hours to kill.
We wandered around Bodrum market, it was a lot bigger than the Fethiye ones. They also had some interesting things for sale… one man was sitting outside with a cage of rabbits, two boxes of baby chicks and several huge chickens/cockerels. So random.

Who wouldn’t be cheered up by a box of fluffy chicks though!? So cute.

Finally it was time to board the bus, it took over 5 and a half hours to get home, the silly old bus broke down for 45 minutes!

Overall, we had a fab time. We weren’t so keen on Gumbet, but the hotel we stayed in was lovely and Bodrum town was beautiful. It made a nice change from Fethiye and it was good to spend 2 days away together. It all seems a million miles away now I’m stuck back in England though. ):