Our Turkish Wedding Part 1.

Posted on May 8, 2016 by livingtheturkishdream

Back on the morning of the 27th April I woke up in our apartment to the sound of the waves on the beach, with Berkay in bed beside me. It was our wedding day! Traditionally I know the bride and groom aren’t supposed to see each other the night before, or the morning of the wedding, but quite a lot of our wedding day was a bit backwards!

There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and the forecast rain for the previous day had fallen and cleared ready for our day! Berkay and dad took me, mum, my stepmum and my little sister to the hairdresser in Fethiye around 10am. I had been worrying about how well this would work out since we booked her as she doesn’t speak any English, but she’s the wife of one of Berkay’s work friends so we got a good deal and she was really friendly, despite the rather large language barrier. Dad and Berkay left and went back to Calis and all the ‘boys’ had a shave and massage together, but not before Berkay gave instructions to the hairdresser about how NOT to do my hair and makeup, I did not want to have blue eyeliner and be orange! The lady done my makeup first, and other than some bright pink lipstick initially, it looked really nice, even if I do say so myself! Next was the hair, I came prepared with a photo of how I wanted it and she did that really well too.

Next, the hairdresser started on my little sisters hair while I went into a corner of the salon behind a screen and started putting on my dress. I was worried about the dress fitting right and not showing too much boobage (!) It was a little odd getting dressed in a tiny corner of a hot salon on the 2rd floor of a building in Fethiye town centre, but apparently this is the done thing in Turkey, and most brides do get ready in the salon with their friends/family. After a lot of pulling, tightening and lacing the ribbon by my mum and stepmum, we managed to get my dress on and looking exactly how I wanted it. A quick 10 minutes back in hairdressers chair and my veil was in and hair finished, complete with ALOT of pins keeping it in place, ouch.

At around 11.45 Berkay arrived back at the salon, now clean shaven and fully dressed in his wedding suit, to pick me up. Now, this is the backwards part of the day! While usually the bride and groom get ready separately and don’t see each other until the ceremony, we were spending the entire day together having a wedding photoshoot before our service at 6.30pm in the evening. This is normal in Turkey, sometimes they even have their wedding photos taken on a different day to their ceremony and wear their wedding outfits, do their hair and makeup etc twice, sometimes days, weeks or even months apart!

Berkay had already seen photos of me in my dress as I couldn’t resist showing him, but it was still very exciting and surreal when we were stood face to face with each other in the salon fully dressed in our wedding attire. A couple of minutes later and we were walking downstairs and through Fethiye town centre towards the car with the photographer behind us, leaving my family back at the salon.

I think my family found it quite hard to comprehend how, and why, we would spend all afternoon driving around in our wedding clothes and squashing my dress in the back of a boiling hot car. I must admit, when I first got to the car and realised how much of a struggle and how uncomfortable it would be to sit in my ridiculously tight corsetted dress squashed in the back seat, I did wonder ‘what the hell am I doing?’ but when I thought about the beautiful photos we’d get as a result, I realised it would be worth it and I certainly wasn’t disappointed!

Our photographer knew all the best places to go for photos. Berkay was driving and the photographer gave him directions. We ended up driving through Kayakoy and onto the road towards Gemiler Island. In the middle of the road high up on a cliff side, the photographer instructed Berkay to pull the car over and with a bit of help I struggled out of the car and scrambled across the dusty road and rocks to the side of the cliff. The photographer climbed up a few rocks, knelt down and snapped some photos, shouting at us what poses to do. These two photos are some of my favourites because I love how blue the sea looks in the background, it captures the true beauty of the whole Fethiye area and looks almost too perfect, like we were photoshopped in! I can 100% say we were not and actually none of these photos have been at all edited or photoshopped as we collected the CD the day after and they didn’t have time to edit them.

On the way to Gemiler the photographer had spotted a perfect photo opportunity in a field, so he made sure we stopped there on the way back. There’s a funny photo he captured of me and Berkay walking through these plants and me with a look of pure disgust on my face because of the amount of bees that were buzzing around my feet and all the other wildlife in the flowers that I was trying to avoid getting stung or bitten by! ‘Just sit down in the middle’ the photographer said, easier said than done with my dress on, so I settled for a half kneel-half sitting pose, but it still came out really pretty.

Next stop was Kayakoy, but not before parking the car next to a pancake house for a lunchbreak and a glass of tea. Yes, local people and tourists were sat in the shady pancake house enjoying a spot of lunch when in we strolled, dressed up in our wedding outfits looking totally out of place. So many people walking past wished us well and said ‘may God make you happy’ etc in Turkish (Allah mutlu etsin / hayirli olsun) but I felt really silly sitting struggling to eat a pancake with my big white dress on with everyone staring! It was a lovely sunny day without a cloud in the sky, but thankfully not unbearably hot so wandering through Kayakoy after our little detour was quite pleasant, if a little difficult because I was holding my dress up making sure it didn’t get caught on any sticking up stones or rocks. The first few photos were very posed, and reminded me of something you’d see in a catalogue. He had us doing all sorts of poses which had me in fits of giggles because they were so ridiculous! He had me staring into a stone window at a random person and pretend sniffing flowers at one point.

I really love the individual photos of me and the full length shots of my dress, the photographer definitely captured the surroundings well as well with the green trees and ruins in the distance. I’m not usually that much of a fan of Kayakoy but it’s nice to have a bit of Turkish history in our wedding photos.

After having a lot of snapshots taken at Kayakoy we headed back towards Fethiye where I requested we stop at Asiklar Tepesi (lovers hill) as that is my favourite place to get beautiful panoramic views of Fethiye. Each time I visit Turkey we always drive up there and sit down with a drink and an icecream or something similar and admire the view so I’m glad we managed to have some of our wedding photos there.

By this point it was around 2.45pm and the photographer suggested we drive to Gunluklu bay, via Calis. On driving through Calis, he decided it would be a good idea to stop at the infamous half finished, multicoloured houses by the canal. Rumor has it that these old houses were owned by someone in the Turkish mafia who was either killed or put in prison and the wife/s argued over what should happen to them afterwards, so they’ve remained unfinished, unused and left to be ruined by weather and old age. Whatever the truth about these buildings is, it’s a real shame as they would have been lovely properties in a nice location and keeping them there with no plans to use them is a waste of good space. We accidentally walked around the area once and got told we weren’t allowed to be there, so when the photographer told us to get out of the car, enter one of the buildings and walk up the the top floor I was a little worried, especially with the potential ‘mafia’ link!! Regardless, we did as he said and walked inside the house, through piles of rubbish and a lot of broken glass, mindful of my dress all the time, and up the stairs to the first floor. The photographer did manage to get some nice shots but it was still a very random, slightly scary location!

The next stop was Gunluklu bay, the other side of Calis, past Ciftlik and Yaniklar, on the main Fethiye-Dalaman road. They took a small entrance fee and we parked up, got out and stood among the huge trees which provided much welcome shade. The trees in the background made a lovely backdrop and I love all the out of focus green blurs behind us. The only bad thing was that I got absolutely eaten alive by mosquitoes and covered in bites that swelled up, I had 3 elbows on one arm at one point and had to make an emergency stop at the chemist on the way back to Fethiye.

One final stop was a tiny beach that I’d never been to before, I didn’t even know it existed and I’ve forgotten the name now but I hope to go there again and find out next time I visit Turkey. It was down a long road near Yaniklar and it was really beautiful and empty.

At this point it was 4.30pm and time to go back to Fethiye, Berkay walked back to get the car and I stood waiting in among the trees for him and the photographer to come back. I think this photo perfectly captures my mood at that moment, hot, bored, stressing about the wedding that was due to take place in a couple of hours time, covered in itchy mozzie bites and worn out from lifting my dress everywhere.

Right after these photos were taken we headed back to Fethiye and back to the hairdresser who done a quick touch up of my hair and makeup and then we set off on our way to our wedding ceremony and celebration in Calis.

Despite doing things backwards that day, and having our photos taken before actually being married, seeing each other before the ceremony, I’m so glad we did it that way. All the wandering through fields, getting a bee stuck in my veil(!!), climbing over rocks, through dusty ruins and being squashed in the back of the car with my big white dress for hours was all worth it and having these photos of all the beautiful places around Fethiye as our wedding pictures to look back on forever is just the best feeling – we certainly wouldn’t have got those lovely photos from a wedding in England, would we?

We got married!

Posted on May 3, 2016 by livingtheturkishdream

In case you’ve been living in a bubble for the past week and don’t follow me or my blog page on Facebook, you’ll know that last Wednesday, 27th April, we got married!

After all the worrying I did about our two families coming together and how nervous I was about being centre of attention for the day, it turned into the best day ever and I’m very proud to now officially be Mrs Değirmenci!

I spent 10 glorious days in Turkey but 48 hours ago came back down to earth with a massive, painful bump as the time came to board the plane back to the UK. People say that the time I spend in Turkey must go by really fast, but it honestly doesn’t. Each time I return to Turkey it feels like I’m going home, and all my visits blur into one. It feels like I’ve been there forever, which only makes it all the harder when I leave again.

It’s never easy leaving Berkay behind, but instead of getting easier each time, it gets harder, and this time was the worst. We’d been married for 4 days and spent 10 whole days together, waking up together, eating breakfast together, walking hand in hand together, doing the washing together, eating dinner together, sleeping together.. and had just 4 days as husband and wife before I flew back to the UK and all of that became impossible again. 48 hours ago I had a husband next to me, now I find myself back in the daily 9-5 routine of work, living with my family and not feeling like a married couple at all 1000’s of miles apart.

I’m not really sure I can describe it in a way that anyone would understand, unless they’ve already been through it themselves but it’s really emotionally draining and although people mean well with their wishes and comments saying ‘you’ll be together again soon’, ‘now you can start focusing on the visa and getting everything ready to apply’ etc, it doesn’t make it any easier and that’s really not what I want to hear.

The days after your wedding should be happy, you should be putting congratulations cards up in your house and buying toasters and kettles and things for your house together – not sat in an airport departures hall in tears preparing for that one last glance back at each other before you pass through passport control and can’t look them in the eyes or feel their touch again for several months. It should not be that way at all.

I only have 5 days of annual left to take now so won’t be able to visit Berkay again until September as I have to space the time out carefully. I think it’s even harder for us because we once lived together for 3 years straight, with barely any days without seeing each other, and then suddenly the army reared it’s ugly head and separated us for a year, and now that’s over and done with but we’re still unable to be together in the same country.

People ask why I don’t move back to Turkey but the truth is I would in an instant. I LOVE Fethiye and Calis and our life there. Sensibly and practically though, that’s just not an option. Winters out there are very hard, and although the lifestyle is more relaxed, friendlier and less materialistic, the long working hours in summer are tough too. We want to have children and having Berkay working 15 hour days 7 days a week in summer and then finding work in winter and not knowing if he’ll actually get paid that month is just too stressful, plus there’s no time for family time. I lived there for 3 years and only saw him for 3 hours a day. Money isn’t such a problem in summer, but in winter its too hard. We budgeted hard and rationed our electricity and food and while that was fine for us back then, we would never be able to have a family that way or get into debt with Berkay’s employers again through borrowing money to get him through the winter months. As I write this I’m not entirely certain if I’m trying to explain my reasons to you readers, or if I’m just trying to convince myself that it’s the right thing…

Living in the UK would be a real challenge for Berkay, and it would take a lot of adapting and hard work, but at the moment it’s our best option. I have a great job in a good location and I have no doubt he’d find work somewhere too. I earn the income requirement needed to apply for his visa at the moment and it took a lot of time to get to this point, giving it up now would be silly. I’ve saved a few thousand pounds which will be enough for us to apply for his visa and hopefully a deposit to rent somewhere here. We will be applying for his visa around September time, and hopefully have a definite yes or no answer by Christmas. If it’s a yes, we’ll start our life in the UK, and if it’s a no I’m willing to move back there and make sacrifices. We really have one shot at his visa, it costs thousands of pounds and a lot of time and effort so we really will only try once. I suppose the only thing for certain is that by Janaury 2017 we will know where our future is, be that in the UK or Turkey, and we won’t have to spend anymore time apart figuring it out as the decision will be made for us by the UK government. As soon as we hand those papers in in September-time, it’s out of our hands and into the hands of a complete stranger who has never met us and who judges our life by flicking through a pile of paperwork.

We’re married now but things regarding the future are as unstable as ever. Thankfully, we have each other no matter how far apart we are and the long distance aspect of our relationship means we never take each other for granted. Every meal together, every time we open our eyes and wake up next to each other, every time we walk hand in hand is a moment we treasure as it doesn’t happen everyday. I can’t stop looking at our wedding photos they make me smile even if looking back at them is bittersweet…

Brace yourselves for a lot of wedding posts soon!!

Wedding Celebrations – ‘Hen’ Afternoon Tea.

Posted on April 15, 2016 by livingtheturkishdream

Last weekend was the real start of the wedding celebrations as some of my family and friends joined me for a ‘hen-do’.

I know it doesn’t really come accross this way through my posts, but anyone who has met me will tell you I am very shy in person, I hate being the centre of attention and having all eyes on me, people singing happy birthday around a birthday cake is bad enough, so the whole wedding process, including dress fittings and hen-do was always going to make me nervous! Me and mum narrowed down the hen party options to two things, a meal in a Turkish restaurant or afternoon tea, and settled on the latter.

I went to the Orsett Hall over in Essex, joined by mum, aunt, nan, stepmum and three friends. It’s a really nice place and has lovely grounds, it’s quite popular too and whenever I’ve been it’s always busy and booked up in advance, there’s always a lot of baby showers there too!

The tables were nicely decorated and my aunt had bought me along a special balloon as well as the little favours my mum had organised – personalised chocolates and sweet bags. Mum also got me the customary ‘bride to be’ sash with ‘The Future Mrs Degirmenci’ and our wedding date written on it which I loved, it all made everything feel so real!

I’ve been to afternoon tea at the Orsett Hall 3 times before and each time it has been lovely, mostly similar food items but always a slightly different mix. This time we had 4 small finger sandwiches each – smoked salmon, cream cheese and cucumber, ham and mustard and egg and cress, which were nice (apart from the smoked salmon.. yuck) but let’s be honest, the real reason anyone goes to afternoon tea is for the cake, right? We had scones, jam and cream, pistachio cupcakes, macaroons, battenberg cake, chocolate covered strawberries and some kind of lemon and fruit dish in a mini jar which I’ve forgotten the name of! Of course the other main component of afternoon tea is the actual tea, and we had unlimited tea of every variety and flavour, fruit or otherwise, as well as water and coffee. I had strawberry and mango tea, lovely! Mum had booked the champagne afternoon tea so we all got a glass of champagne too which made the afternoon even more of a celebration, and the staff bought out a plate with ‘happy hen’ written on in chocolate for me which was a nice touch.

After the lovely food, I opened a few ‘hen’ presents, including these two bride and groom rubber duckies, my friends know me so well! Everyone that came all signed a special personalised plate that mum had found on the internet. I love this idea, everyone writes a message and then you put it in the oven for half an hour and the writing sets into the porcelain plate and becomes permanent and washproof. Definitely something good to keep and display on a special stand when we ever have our own house.

We spent a couple of hours sat at our table eating and chatting and then when outside into the grounds to take some photos, it was quite cold and it started to rain so we just rushed a few snapshots with everyone.

The funniest thing for me was taking a photo in the throne-like chair inside the Orsett Hall. Back in 2008, I had my senior school prom at this venue and had a photo taken of me sitting in the same exact chair. After a bit of digging through old photos I found that photo, and its quite scary when comparing them side by side, I don’t look too much different (although a bit fatter..). Who would have thought that 8 years later I’d be sitting in that same chair at my hen celebration, eh?

We all (I think..) had a lovely afternoon, and in the words of my friend “it was nice to have afternoon tea for a hen do, something different, everyone else just drinks through penis straws!’ which is totally true. Strippers, straws and cakes shaped like body parts and crude things are just not me, and it was lovely to have a nice quiet celebration with a few of my closest family and friends.

Now I have just 10 days left as a ‘Miss Smith’!!!

Turkey Day 4… Statues, Ducks & Red skies at night..

Posted on April 9, 2016 by livingtheturkishdream

I always say how fond I am of Fethiye town centre and even though I lived in Calis, 15minutes away, for 3 years, Fethiye centrum is absolutely my favourite place.

Whenever we were bored, or just wanted a walk and a drive, we headed off to Fethiye, found a parking space and wandered around. There is so much to see it never really bores me. Every town in Turkey has a statue of Ataturk (I only found this out recently) but Fethiye has a lot more than just one so you’re never very far away from a photo opportunity! This one is directly opposite Pizza Tomato and sits pride of place in the park, accompanied by a couple of lions, although I’m not sure what the reference is to those.

While wandering around the harbour, we came across one of the famous simit sellers. Walking along with lots of those little sesame covered bagel-like breads balancing on a tray on their head is a real art form, and its funny to watch. A part of me watches in awe, and a very small mischievous part of me watches wishing they’d trip over and drop them all on the floor because it would be a perfect comedy moment.

After a quick doner for lunch, we headed off to the fish market – another of the places we always have to visit while we’re in Fethiye. I do like the fish market, but boy does it smell, not only of the obvious, but also of smoke, so much so it makes my eyes sting just walking around it. We bought some fish for dinner and ended up with way more than we intended – the sellers are very persuasive!

On the drive back to Calis we stopped off at the Ördek Adası – duck island, opposite the devlet hospital. There were a lot of ducks around so we climbed over the fence (ignoring the signs…) and tried to feed them, but apparently these ducks don’t like bread as the whole area was full of bits of breads and the ducks just peacefully bobbed away ignoring it! It’s still nice to see the island so full of wildlife though.

It was a little too early for dinner when we arrived back in Calis so we decided to make the most of the sunshine and sit at a beachfront cafe playing backgammon and drinking tea. This is my favourite pastime, it’s so relaxing and even though I always lose, we always have a lot of laughs.

Back at our apartment Berkay cooked dinner for us as usual.. another BBQ, our 2nd of the week! We had fish, jacket potatoes, aubergine salad and crusty bread, believe me when I say it tasted much better than it looks. While he was cooking it, the sun went down over Calis and it created the most beautiful reflection in the pool on our complex, I love that time of day and how pretty the skies always are with the glow of the sunset. The best thing about watching the sunset is knowing you have another whole day in Turkey to wake up to!

Turkey Day 3 – Breakfast on a boat, Göcek and tavla.

Posted on March 29, 2016 by livingtheturkishdream

The morning of my 3rd day in Turkey, and the final day in January, was spent on board a boat! I am going to write a more detailed post on this soon as we enjoyed it so much. We had booked the previous day and were hoping for good weather and how lucky we were, it turned out to be a really beautiful, sunny morning. We boarded the ‘Princes Serap’ boat at 10am, departed at 10.30am and enjoyed an amazing open buffet, unlimited breakfast, with plenty of Turkish tea to accompany it. There was everything you could think of that makes up a Turkish breakfast – boiled eggs, salami, sausage, olives, tomatoes, cucumber, lots of cheeses, cooked vegetables, potatoes, fruit, bread, simit, borek, sigara borek, jams, honey and other spreads. It was so delicious.

Shortly after 10.30am the boat set sail towards Calis and floated along past the beach. It was weird to see Calis from that angle, we’d never been so close to it on a boat before as we usually do the 12 Island boat trips that go further out. We stayed out for around 2 hours, turning the engine off halfway through and stopping for more tea and coffee. It was really relaxing. I love boat trips in the summer months, but this was a totally different experience, all Turkish families just enjoying a family breakfast on their Sunday off, as opposed to a boat full of people in bikinis and sunbathing under the boiling sun.

The boat arrived back at Fethiye harbour around 12.30pm and we made a spontaneous decision to drive to Göcek to visit the Sunday market there. I’d only been to Göcek once before, and that was on a boat trip, so we really didn’t know where to go or what to see. We found the market, bought me a pair of baggy village pants, then got an ice-cream, some doritos and a bottle of coke and sat on the beach having our mini picnic. We walked along the very quiet seafront for a while admiring some of the luxury yachts, and came across a pretty street with multi-coloured bird houses suspended above – similar to the popular multicoloured umbrellas in Fethiye, very simple and very effective, they definitely brighten everything up.

On the way back from Göcek we stopped off at a viewing area where you can see the sea and across to several islands – these islands usually make up the backdrop of my sunset photos from Calis so it’s funny seeing them from a different angle! My photos don’t really do it justice – it’s a great spot to just stop and admire the view.

After going back to our apartment for dinner, we headed out in the evening to a restaurant/bar along the promenade in Fethiye that we’d never been to before – Matisse. I fell in love with this place instantly, and we ended up going back there most evenings. There was a great atmosphere about the place and it was always packed full to the brim – sometimes we even had to wait for table to become free. It was full of young men and women sitting playing tavla (backgammon) and drinking tea, beer etc, while smoking the traditional Turkish water pipe / Nargile. There were tables inside and out, and little sofas. Some of the outside tables were under a plastic covering which meant all the smoke lingered around which I’m not a fan of, so we preferred the sofa tables that were uncovered – they also had little bonfires going to keep us warm which were definitely needed back in January! While the bars/restaurants either side of this one were empty, the staff at Matisse were rushed off their feet and the tables all full. With the added bonus of free wifi and live music, we could have quite happily sat there for hours drinking cay and playing tavla – definitely my new favourite place to go in the evening.

Wedding date and 4 busy days..

Posted on March 22, 2016 by livingtheturkishdream

I got back on Sunday evening from 4 lovely days in Turkey. We didn’t have much time to relax as we had a million and one things to do to get organised for our wedding in April, and with only 3 working days to do it!

We were running around like headless chickens in Fethiye all day Wednesday getting paperwork, photocopying it, driving backwards and forwards from marriage offices and council offices to doctor’s surgeries (as part of the marriage requirements Berkay needed a blood test to check for diseases that can be passed onto children etc)! I had had 0 hours sleep the night before as I had been flying all night, and landed at 7am, so I was walking around in a tired, half asleep, half awake state. By some miracle we managed to get everything done in one day, apart from the blood test results, and we were able to book a date for our wedding…

27th April 2016! 5 weeks tomorrow!

After booking the date, we managed to order and pick up wedding rings in the space of a couple of hours, book a hairdresser, photographer and venue, order flowers for me and my little flowergirl sister, buy some items to use as wedding favours, speak to a lovely lady about making our cake and get Berkay’s suit ordered, tailored and picked up. All in just 3 working days! After all the plans were put into action, my family have all been able to book flights and accommodation and apart from my wedding dress fitting next weekend, I think everything is sorted and organised!

Fethiye and Calis are still as lovely as ever, and it was great to catch up with our friends there, and of course spend some time with Berkay, even if it was just a few days. It always amazes me how quickly I adapt back into ‘Turkish Danni’ and whenever I land in the country it’s like I’ve never even been away.

I have lots of photos to share from my visit, and also lots to share from my previous visit last month! It’s all a bit crazy at the moment and I feel like a bit of a jet-setter flying back every month! I really need to catch up with my blogging but with wedding plans, and also trying to gather the hundreds (literally..) of documents and paperwork required for Berkay’s visa application, and working 9-5 weekdays, means I have little time to think of anything else.

I love that I can sit and write on my blog and it’s so funny to see how life has changed since I first started writing it 3 years ago, it started out as a blog about living in Turkey, then moved onto the struggles of army life and separation, and now I’m definitely going to bore you all with wedding and visa updates!

For now, I’ll leave you with some of my favourite photos taken last week.

Back in Turkey & Wedding planning?

Posted on March 15, 2016 by livingtheturkishdream

It seems like I’ve only just got back from Turkey (5 weeks ago) but tomorrow I’m flying back again! It’s only a quick visit this time, I’m going to the airport straight after work tomorrow evening, flying all night via Istanbul, and then landing in Dalaman at 7am! I fly back to the UK on Sunday morning so it’s just 4 days/nights.

I didn’t think I’d be back there again so soon, and the only reason I’m going is to put some of our wedding plans into action. I have completed the relevant paperwork here, had it signed by a solicitor and certified by the foreign office, but now we need to take our paperwork into the registry office in Fethiye, have some blood tests and book a date!

What started out as a small wedding in the registry office followed by dinner in a restaurant in Fethiye has turned more into a ‘proper’ wedding – I went dress shopping a few weeks ago and despite being adamant I would just have a pretty, basic dress from a high street shop, I ended up walking into a ‘Confetti and Lace’ bridal shop, trying on a beautiful, sparkly white wedding dress and the rest is history!!

Since then, we’ve been planning the wedding, I have sorted out favors, a cake, a venue, flights and accomodation, and now all we need to book is an actual date for the wedding in April, a photographer, flowers and wedding rings… It’s going to be a very busy, but exciting 4 days!

Online check in is done, my suitcase is packed full of nandos sauce for Berkay, and I’m nearly all ready to go…
See you tomorrow, Turkiye!

Turkey Day 1 – The desire for familiarity, Sunsets and BBQ’s.

Posted on March 8, 2016 by livingtheturkishdream

I’ve been back from Turkey a month already, but haven’t yet posted any photos from my trip, so I’m going to do a little mini-series about the 9 days I spent there in January/February, starting now with Day 1!

It’s always weird when I go back to Turkey, especially this time as it had been so long since I last visited. There is always that desire to go and visit all my favourite places immediately, to check that they’re still the same and to reassure me that while our lives are full of uncertainty and obstacles, we have our own ‘happy’ places where things have stayed the same, the beautiful scenery, the promised daily sunrise and sunset, the friends we hadn’t seen for nearly a year… It’s an almost overwhelming urge for familiarity.

This time was no different. After landing late evening the previous night, when I woke up in the apartment the next day I was ready to go and see ‘my’ Fethiye. After a quick breakfast, we headed to the Friday famer’s market to stock up on fruit and vegetables for the apartment for the week, trundling through the market with bags full of fresh produce, eyes stinging from the smoke blowing around the stalls, arms aching from carrying the bags, but the welcome familiarity of the sights and smells.. just like old times. Then to the bank, the exchange office to change some currency, and the old age question of tost or döner for lunch… We settled for the tost.

I love sitting at this little toastie place and watching the world go by, the kids skateboarding in the park, workers rushing around the town, people paying bills.. the hustle and bustle of everyday life for the locals. It’s one of the best spots for people watching, that’s for sure! The added bonus is that the toasties are amazing, definitely the most popular in Fethiye! I had cheese and tomato (I think that’s the English girl in me..) while Berkay had the slightly more traditional karışık tost, cheese, sucuk (spicy sausage) and chilli flakes. The price was perfect for our budget too .. 10.50tltl for two toasties and two drinks (less than £2.60)!

After lunch we headed up to ‘Aşıklar Tepesi’ – lovers hill, which overlooks Fethiye bay. I love parking the car up, sitting on one of the benches and just admiring the beautiful view – it’s a good view all year around, but especially on clear winter days when the skies are blue and the mountains in the distance are covered in snow, it makes it look rather dramatic.

Another thing that always looks better in winter is the Calis Beach sunset. Although also rather spectauclar in summer, in winter the sun sets right on the horizon rather than behind the mountains,making it even more impressive.Watching the sunset from this beach was definitely something I knew I had to witness again on my first day back in the country for 9 months, so after a quick google search for the daily sunset time to make sure I wouldn’t miss it, we headed back to Calis and waited.

The sun set around 17.30 that day, and it didn’t disappoint! Although I love taking sunset photos, and have thousands (literally..) of shots of the exact same thing on my iPhone, iPad and camera, none of them really capture the moment well enough. The sun reflecting off the water, the boat sailing in the distance and that brief moment where the sun is perfectly aligned on the horizon and you don’t want to blink because if you do you’ll miss that last split second of the red glowing sphere before it disappears until morning… sunsets are really just something you have to see in person!

Apart from Berkay, Boncuk and the sunsets, the other thing I really miss about Turkey is the BBQ’s, so it made sense than on my first day back, that was our dinner of choice! BBQ’s are so much a part of our life there that now whenever I see (or smell..) one, the first thing I associate it with is Turkey! They don’t care what season it is, how cold it is or how wet it is, it’s always BBQ weather, even if that means sitting outside on the balcony wearing layers and freezing! There’s something so satisfying about preparing it, cooking it and having a good old chat while it’s grilling away, then sitting down to eat it straight off the coals. Mmm. We love BBQ’s so much that we had 4 in the 9 days I spent there. In fact, I’ve just this minute booked an apartment for us to stay in when I go back to Calis next week, we toyed with the idea of staying in a hotel as we haven’t done that for years, but the number one thing that swayed our decision was the fact we’d have no BBQ facilities, nowhere to store meat, no plates or cutlery etc in a hotel! Turkey just isn’t Turkey without a BBQ.

After washing up (that’s the downside to eating in…) we met our friends for a chat and a coffee at Erasta, and then headed off to our other friends house for Çay and baby cuddles. I’ve shared photos of their twins before, when I first met them in 2014, and even back in 2013 when I posted about our meal with the family celebrating the news that she was pregnant! Now, fast forward to 2016 and the twins are nearly 2.. not only that, but they have another baby who is 9 months old! Realising that our best Turkish friends had ‘grown’ a small human in the amount of time I’d been away from the country made me think about just how long I’d been away..

Getting Married!

Posted on February 23, 2016 by livingtheturkishdream

On Sunday I made a rather important announcement on my Facebook blog page, and just incase some of you don’t have access to Facebook I’ll say it here too…

Berkay and I are getting married soon!

We’re planning to get married in Turkey at the end of April, just a small wedding at the registry office in Fethiye. I am hoping to fly out mid March for a few days to complete some paperwork and book a date for the end of April. My family have already arranged time off work to join us on the big day, and Berkay’s family are also planning to make the journey to Fethiye which will be rather interesting as our families have never met each other. There won’t be any big white dress or big party, just signing of the papers and then dinner in a restaurant… although we’re hoping to have a celebration party with the full works (and probably a big fat village wedding too) later on.

The best part is that Berkay and my family will all be in the same room. They haven’t even been in the same country for 2 years! The not so good part is that just days after we’re married I’ll be returning to England alone and that thought is rather depressing.. I suspect that will be the hardest goodbye of all!

A few days ago myself and family went out for dinner to celebrate, bubbles included..The only thing missing was Berkay, and that seems to be the story of our lives at the moment…

Two versions of myself?

Posted on February 14, 2016 by livingtheturkishdream

Standing at passport control at Gatwick airport having just stepped foot onto British soil once again after 10 wonderful days in Turkey, many thoughts were whirling around my head.

12 hours beforehand I was tucked up in bed with Berkay in the apartment in Calis that we had called ‘home’ for 10 days. It felt like suddenly I was ripped out from that life and plonked down back into my other one again.

It’s very difficult to explain, unless you’ve been in that situation, but I will do my best. I have researched other people’s blogs and articles on the internet and know that it’s normal to feel this torn, like there are two different versions of myself, existing in two different countries, and that the two versions of myself rarely, if ever, cross paths.

I have the life in Turkey, the one I go back to every few months for a week and immediately switch back in to the mindset of ‘less is more’. While I’m there I’m happy to live with bare minimum, wait for hours for the solar panels to heat up the water for a shower, wash up the plates without the help of a dishwasher and walk for miles up and down the market to find a fruit or vegetable a couple of kurus cheaper than another stall. I sit on the floor eating food and drinking cay with our Turkish friends, I eat Turkish food, I embrace the culture and way of life of the Turkish people and slip right back into that mentality easily. I have someone there to wake up with, eat my dinner with, walk hand in hand with, and fall to sleep with. Life is simpler. Here in the UK I’m alone. Although I have friends and live with family, I wake up alone, go to sleep alone and more often than not eat alone due to everyone’s busy schedules. I travel to work alone, walk at lunchtime alone, and my only contact with Berkay is through a facebook message or skype conversation every now and then. I walk into a supermarket and spend £1 on a packet of 6 tomatoes and think nothing of it, if I want something I buy it, and I succumb to the more materialistic way of life. I sit up the dinner table and eat ready meals, I put my plates in the dishwasher and take advatange of the fact I can take a shower at any time of day I want and there will be hot water. It’s a different life, and I am a undoubtedly different person.

My two lives rarely cross paths. Berkay hasn’t visited the UK for 2 years, my family haven’t seen him for 2 years either. Although they’re very supportive and acknowledge him, he’s not a part of my everyday life and to them I’m just ‘Dan’, I’m not ‘Dan and Berkay’ here. Christmas and special occasions are always when I notice it most, when his name is missing off the cards… In the UK I’m basically a single person, in Turkey we exist together.

When I knew Berkays army leaving date and I had booked my flight, I was worried about returning to Turkey, having not been there for nearly 10 months. I’d settled into the UK version of me, the version of me who has money and a job and a fairly solitary life. I was afraid of going back and worried if I’d still appreciate Fethiye as much as before. As soon as I got off the plane and into the car with Berkay it was like I’d never been away. We visited our friends and it was like I’d just seen them last week, not 10 months beforehand. When I arrived back in the UK I sat around a dinner table in a restaurant with my family and it was like a totally different version of myself, not quite 100% present, almost like an out of body experience from the outside looking in. When I got into bed the night I arrived back in the UK I had to seriously lay down and think if the previous 10 days had actually been ‘real life’ or a dream. Looking back at photos I thought to myself ‘was I really there just 24 hours ago, sat on that balcony with Berkay?’ because it felt so surreal once I was sat back in my room in England and existing as the ‘other Danni’ once again.

It’s entirely bizarre, and I’m aware that this post makes me sound slightly crazy – I’m not. I’m sure everyone experiences this on some level when they return from a holiday or travelling, but this is more than that. I had a life in both countries for a long time, and I still do, I spent most of my adult life living in Turkey. I have friends, family and a part of me in both countries. I guess that makes me lucky, although sometimes I really wish it wasn’t the case and that life were simpler. Although physically my body is only in one place at a time, my head is always split between the two countries, and it’s really mentally exhausting.

“You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart always will be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.” ― Miriam Adeney.