AUGUST PHOTO SERIES – DAY 9 – TURQUOISE OLUDENIZ

img_8523I couldn’t chose between these two photos – so today I’m using both. This is the stunning view from the start of the Lycian Way, a 540km walking trail between Ölüdeniz and Antalya. Quite controversially, I’ve never been a real fan of Ölüdeniz, I have always thought it looks absolutely beautiful from above in people’s paragliding photos, but when you’re standing down on ground level, it’s less impressive, too crowded and I always felt a bit disappointed. These photos though show just how wonderful it really looks from high up in the mountain side. The gorgeous turquoise colour of the sea really stands out, but the boats sailing outside the bay, and the pedalos in the lagoon are also visible, along with a few paragliders if you look carefully! We haven’t been right up to the top of Babadağ mountain yet, but I’m sure that it looks even more stunning from up there on a clear day. Sometimes the hustle and bustle of the resorts make us forget the real beauty we take for granted – but taking a step back (or a few thousand feet up…) makes you appreciate it all a bit more. Nature at it’s finest!

I wrote a blog about the start of the Lycian Way a few years ago, if you want to read more: https://livingtheturkishdream.com/2014/09/23/oludeniz-from-above/
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AUGUST PHOTO SERIES – DAY 4 – Kaputas Beach

In between Kalkan and Kas, along the main coastal road, sits the beautiful hidden gem, Kaputas beach. The sea here is so turquoise and stunning, but does get deep quickly and is very wavy. The beach sits at the foot of a valley, and is only reached by walking down nearly 200 steps, or via boat. Walking down the steps is bearable, but walking back up is a real killer on a hot day! The beach is mostly untouched, aside from a couple of changing cubicles, and the natural beauty is just amazing. Entrance is free, but sunbeds and umbrellas can be rented for a fee. Parking can be difficult, as it gets busy and cars just pull up all along the main road. I climbed over one of the crash barriers along the road to take this photo – even if you can’t face the steps, it’s worth pulling over for a few moments to admire the view from above. The whole coastal road along this route is really beautiful.

Two versions of myself?

Standing at passport control at Gatwick airport having just stepped foot onto British soil once again after 10 wonderful days in Turkey, many thoughts were whirling around my head.

12 hours beforehand I was tucked up in bed with Berkay in the apartment in Calis that we had called ‘home’ for 10 days. It felt like suddenly I was ripped out from that life and plonked down back into my other one again.

It’s very difficult to explain, unless you’ve been in that situation, but I will do my best. I have researched other people’s blogs and articles on the internet and know that it’s normal to feel this torn, like there are two different versions of myself, existing in two different countries, and that the two versions of myself rarely, if ever, cross paths.

I have the life in Turkey, the one I go back to every few months for a week and immediately switch back in to the mindset of ‘less is more’. While I’m there I’m happy to live with bare minimum, wait for hours for the solar panels to heat up the water for a shower, wash up the plates without the help of a dishwasher and walk for miles up and down the market to find a fruit or vegetable a couple of kurus cheaper than another stall. I sit on the floor eating food and drinking cay with our Turkish friends, I eat Turkish food, I embrace the culture and way of life of the Turkish people and slip right back into that mentality easily. I have someone there to wake up with, eat my dinner with, walk hand in hand with, and fall to sleep with. Life is simpler. Here in the UK I’m alone. Although I have friends and live with family, I wake up alone, go to sleep alone and more often than not eat alone due to everyone’s busy schedules. I travel to work alone, walk at lunchtime alone, and my only contact with Berkay is through a facebook message or skype conversation every now and then. I walk into a supermarket and spend £1 on a packet of 6 tomatoes and think nothing of it, if I want something I buy it, and I succumb to the more materialistic way of life. I sit up the dinner table and eat ready meals, I put my plates in the dishwasher and take advatange of the fact I can take a shower at any time of day I want and there will be hot water. It’s a different life, and I am a undoubtedly different person.

My two lives rarely cross paths. Berkay hasn’t visited the UK for 2 years, my family haven’t seen him for 2 years either. Although they’re very supportive and acknowledge him, he’s not a part of my everyday life and to them I’m just ‘Dan’, I’m not ‘Dan and Berkay’ here. Christmas and special occasions are always when I notice it most, when his name is missing off the cards… In the UK I’m basically a single person, in Turkey we exist together.

When I knew Berkays army leaving date and I had booked my flight, I was worried about returning to Turkey, having not been there for nearly 10 months. I’d settled into the UK version of me, the version of me who has money and a job and a fairly solitary life. I was afraid of going back and worried if I’d still appreciate Fethiye as much as before. As soon as I got off the plane and into the car with Berkay it was like I’d never been away. We visited our friends and it was like I’d just seen them last week, not 10 months beforehand. When I arrived back in the UK I sat around a dinner table in a restaurant with my family and it was like a totally different version of myself, not quite 100% present, almost like an out of body experience from the outside looking in. When I got into bed the night I arrived back in the UK I had to seriously lay down and think if the previous 10 days had actually been ‘real life’ or a dream. Looking back at photos I thought to myself ‘was I really there just 24 hours ago, sat on that balcony with Berkay?’ because it felt so surreal once I was sat back in my room in England and existing as the ‘other Danni’ once again.

It’s entirely bizarre, and I’m aware that this post makes me sound slightly crazy – I’m not. I’m sure everyone experiences this on some level when they return from a holiday or travelling, but this is more than that. I had a life in both countries for a long time, and I still do, I spent most of my adult life living in Turkey. I have friends, family and a part of me in both countries. I guess that makes me lucky, although sometimes I really wish it wasn’t the case and that life were simpler. Although physically my body is only in one place at a time, my head is always split between the two countries, and it’s really mentally exhausting.

“You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart always will be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.” ― Miriam Adeney.

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