To all my Turkish, and Muslim, friends, family and readers all over the world, iyi bayramlar/Eid mubarak.
Hope you all have a wonderful few days celebrating with friends and family, I have blog posts coming up about how Berkay spent the holidays in Turkey! (:
xx
Bayram literally means festival, or holiday, and is used to describe national and religious holidays in Turkey. There are two main religious (Islamic) holidays, one being Seker Bayram (celebrated after Ramadan), and the other being Kurban bayram, which is celebrated next week. In the UK this is known as Ed-al-Adha.
Kurban Bayram is the festival of the sacrifice, where millions of people sacrifice an animal to commemorate the Islamic prophet Ibrahim’s willingness to sacrifice his son as an act of obedience to God. Animals such as cows, goats and most often, sheep, are sacrificed. Once sacrificed, the meat is shared out, some is given to the poor, some is kept for the family, and some is given to other relatives, friends and neighbours. Of course Kurban Bayram/Eid isn’t just celebrated in Turkey, it is celebrated by Muslims all over the world.
This year, preparation for Kurban Bayram begins on the eve of the festival, the 14th October. Kurban Bayram will run from and including 15th-18th October and government offices, schools, post offices, banks, and some supermarkets will be closed throughout these days. Turkish people will be busy visiting family and friends, so roads, transport, hotels and restaurants will be very busy and full during the festivities.
What is my experience?
I was living in Turkey last year for Bayram and the atmosphere during this time is very special, it’s even something an outsider who doesn’t celebrate can sense. The only thing I can compare it to is Christmas. All the family comes together and enjoys time off from work and school to celebrate.
Berkay came home from work on the morning of the first day of Bayram and said our landlord had invited us downstairs for Turkish tea and to see the animal they were sacrificing. We stood on our balcony and watched as he tied the sheep up, said a prayer and slit its throat. It was all over very quickly. After he had killed it, he cut it’s head off, hung it up and began to skin it, then he cut its feet off, finished skinning it and cut its organs out. The wool and skin was left out to dry and the blood all washed away. That was it. My landlord is practically a farmer and owns sheep, goats and chickens so he was able to perform the sacrifice on his farm land, however, normally the sacrifice is supposed to be carried out by a professional in designated areas. It is not supposed to be done publicly in parks or playgrounds nowadays.
The sacrifice was over very quickly and it was very humane, it could be very disturbing for some people to watch though. It upset me a little, but it’s good to be reminded where your food comes from. Meat is so readily available in supermarkets these days that we all take it for granted and don’t really stop to think about where it really comes from.
The meat is given out to poor people, friends and neighbours. We got given a whole leg, it was a bit weird seeing it in my freezer.
In the evening we all gathered around for a barbeque downstairs in the garden (we all know how Turks like their bbq’s, don’t we?!) and of course the only thing on the menu was the meat that had formed part of a fluffy white sheep in my garden only a few hours earlier.
I have seen comments from people in the past who say the process of sacrificing millions of sheep over a few days for a religious festival is barbaric and inhumane, however, the meaning behind the tradition and the process of giving meat to those less fortunate people is a good one in my opinion, it is not meaningless killing for the sake of it, it has a purpose. Some people do find this an outdated, old fashioned tradition and some modern families like to donate money to charity instead.
Those normal tourists on holiday are very unlikely to see anything going on, they will probably be blissfully unaware of the sacrificing going on, as I mentioned above, it is often only done in designated areas in main towns. In the days leading up to Kurban Bayram you may see truck loads of sheep and goats being taken to towns, villages and cities. You will know the fate of those livestock on board. You may notice restaurants and hotels more busy than normal so it’s a good idea to book in advance if you plan to visit or go out during the next week. Remember banks will be closed and ATM’s may run out of cash. It is a nice idea to wish people happy holidays by saying ”Iyi Bayramlar”.
Overall, my experience of Kurban Bayram is a good one, It is more than just a bunch of crazy Turk’s cutting sheep’s heads off, in most cases, it is a traditional, civilized, family celebration of a religious festival.
I wish I were there this year!
We spent our last few hours in Bodrum much the same as the previous two days, stuffing our faces with food and taking photos..
Breakfast was as good as ever. P.S, who doesn’t love hotel freebies?
After breakfast we wandered up to the roof terrace of the hotel where we had amazing 360oc panoramic views of Gumbet. The blue sky with a few clouds, boats on the sea and white buildings on the hillside make a great backdrop. It looked like a postcard.
I love how all the buildings in Bodrum and surrounding areas are white. It definitely adds something to the place, it makes it look so traditional and beautiful.
We sat by the pool for 10minutes and had a game of table tennis, then packed up our things and went to Bodrum. We had to check out at 12.00 but our bus back to Fethiye wasn’t til 14.30 so we had 2 hours to kill.
We wandered around Bodrum market, it was a lot bigger than the Fethiye ones. They also had some interesting things for sale… one man was sitting outside with a cage of rabbits, two boxes of baby chicks and several huge chickens/cockerels. So random.
Who wouldn’t be cheered up by a box of fluffy chicks though!? So cute.
Finally it was time to board the bus, it took over 5 and a half hours to get home, the silly old bus broke down for 45 minutes!
Overall, we had a fab time. We weren’t so keen on Gumbet, but the hotel we stayed in was lovely and Bodrum town was beautiful. It made a nice change from Fethiye and it was good to spend 2 days away together. It all seems a million miles away now I’m stuck back in England though. ):
Not so impressed with Gumbet, on Thursday we decided to go to Bodrum town. I absolutely LOVED IT. Perhaps even as much as I love Fethiye!
After the previous nights dinner, expectations were high for breakfast, we weren’t disappointed though. A huge buffet table greeted us, boiled eggs, omelette, tomato, cucumber, cheese, salami, chicken, fruit, honey, jam, biscuits, olives, chips, bread..and of course bottomless glasses of cay/Turkish tea.
After breakfast we got the dolmus to Bodrum and walked through the main town towards the marina. It was beautiful, all undercover and hundreds of little boutiques and shops selling everything from paintings to jewellery, clothes, bags, food.. I found these cute cushions with paintings of Bodrum on, clever.
The harbour/marina was lovely, such a pretty backdrop with the bright blue skies and hundreds of boats. We walked along the harbour and found the castle. So pretty and impressive too, especially at night when it’s all lit up.
We walked along to the castle for a better look, I wanted to go inside but we decided the 20tl each fee was too expensive, instead we walked around the cafe in the castle grounds and found the little photobooth offering photos dressed up as a Sultan. This was great fun and we ended up spending 40tl on photos, we could have just paid the castle entry fee after all. Oh well. It was a lovely place.
While we were having these funny photos taken, I spotted a lady walking around with a coffee cup that looked suspiciously like Starbucks. I made it our mission to find it and had Berkay asking 4 different people for directions. We eventually found the Starbucks and sat in their little garden with our Frappuccinos. Yummy. So refreshing in the heat! We paid 20tl for two though, ouch. We really were living like tourists for these 2 days!
The view from Starbucks was lovely, crystal clear water and a little path at the side where you could walk up to the castle. We followed the path and the views were amazing from the top. We had a little mini photoshoot as always, and made our way back down.
It was 4pm by this point and we really wanted to go back to the hotel for a swim before it got too late, as we knew the pool would be cold again. We got the dolmus back to Gumbet and had a swim and another game of volleyball, we had the pool to ourselves again and had some fun taking some underwater photos with my special iPod case.
So cheesy.
Then it was time to get ready for dinner again, I wore a new dress I bought in Bodrum. I hate clothes shopping, I can never find anything that looks right on me, but I loved this dress.
Dinner was amazing again, this time it was vegetable soup, mized meze, manti, salad, bread, steak with mushrooms and cake for dessert. Mmm.
After dinner we walked all the way to a mini themepark, it was a long walk, 30-40 minutes there and another 30-40minutes back again. It was lovely and cool so it was a nice evening walk. We purchased tickets for 2 rides, a giant pirate ship, which was the scariest, steepest pirate ship ride i’d ever been on, and another ride that span you around.. I thought I might see my dinner again haha!
After the rides, we walked back to Gumbet and met Berkay’s brothers in bar street. We went to a bar and paid 50tl for 4 beers and a vodka and coke, OUCH. Bodrum is not cheap, it’s the most expensive place i’ve visited in Turkey, even in the non touristy parts, water, crisps, bread..everything in the shops is more expensive. I’m glad we don’t live there.
Lot of people have commented and messaged me asking why I’m going back to England, so I thought I’d explain.
The main reason is money. We live off one pretty poor Turkish wage. I cant find work here legally, I don’t have any qualifications or experience in teaching or in the travel/holiday rep area, I can’t speak Turkish and I bring nothing to the country that they don’t already have, businesses generally are not allowed to employ an English person to do a job a Turkish person could do. Living off Berkay’s wage is not so bad in the summer, but in the winter it’s nearly impossible. Each winter we get into debt and spend the summer paying it back, meaning we cant save for the following winter, its a vicious cycle. Coming back to the UK means we can both work and save for the future, albeit in different countries.
If we want to settle together in the UK one day, I need to be settled there with a good job earning £18.600 a year before we even apply for a visa for Berkay. Despite what everyone thinks, the UK makes it very difficult for non-European citizens to come to the UK, the new income requirement is a major set back, it has made things a lot more difficult for us. I’m not sure how many 21 year old’s earn 18.6k a year, but all people keep telling me is if I do not come back to the UK now, I will never earn enough as I will have been out of work for too long.
Berkay also hasn’t done his national service yet. All Turkish men are required by law to serve in the military at some point, Berkay is 22 and has not done it yet as he is studying at university. He hopes by completing his uni he will be able to find a better job later. If we can’t live together in the UK, I will be able to come back here with any money I have saved and live here so long as Berkay has a better job. I don’t know when he will go to the army, should he go now and get it out of the way, or should he wait, finish school and improve his chances of getting a better job later on?
Another question people ask is what is going to happen to our dog? Berkay is keeping her here in Turkey and will look after her, of course we wouldn’t just abandon her. I’m hoping one day to get her to the UK, if that is where we decide to and are able to settle, but it won’t be easy, none of my family want a dog so I will need to be living on my own first, then there is the fee to fly her to England and all the paperwork involved. I cannot see me ever earning enough for Berkay’s visa, saving enough for a place of my own and saving the £700+ to bring her to the UK. But that is all in the future, at least a year or two away, for now Berkay and Boncuk are staying together in Turkey and I’m returning to the UK alone, for how long I have no idea.
Perhaps I will be in England for 2 years saving money and then return to Turkey, perhaps I will find a job earning the required amount to get Berkay a visa and we shall live in the UK, perhaps we shall look into the European route and save to move to Ireland together. Friends and family ask our plans and pull nasty faces when we cannot answer, we do not have a crystal ball, hell I wish we did. There is no solid plan, I can’t say what is going to happen or what we hope to do, it is just impossible to plan ahead when visas are involved, the whole process is very long, very expensive and very uncertain.
All I am sure of right now, is that in less than 24 hours I shall be landing back in the UK. Alone. All I can think is how am I going to walk out of my front door for the last time and not look back knowing I will never step foot inside again? How am I going to say goodbye to my dog not knowing when I’ll see her again? How am I going to walk through security and leave Berkay behind at the airport? How am I going to get on that plane and leave my home, my dog and my boyfriend behind, sit on that plane and watch as I soar 30,000 feet in the air, leaving the past 2.5 years of my life and everything I’ve known down on the ground? How am I going to sit in a room full of people back in the UK, friends and family who are excited to see me, and all the time feel guilty for wishing I was somewhere else? It’s not that I don’t miss them, or that i’m not grateful that I have their support, it’s just that really, England is not my home anymore, it hasn’t been for 2.5 years, that’s a long time for someone who is only 21.
While in Bodrum last week we had some fun at Bodrum Castle, it involved headdresses, funny costumes and dressing up like a Sultan and his wife…
It was such a touristy thing to do.. The amusing thing was, the entrance fee to the actual castle was 20tl each, we decided this was too expensive and just wandered around the grounds instead. While wandering, we found a cute little booth where you could wear traditional clothes and have your photo taken as a Turkish Sultan.. They let you pick your costume then took 30+ photos. It was 10tl for one printed photo, or 40tl for the whole CD. We were sucked in and bought the whole CD.. we could have just entered the castle after all!
Oh well, the photos are amusing, some turned out pretty sweet too. I like them.
Last week we walked the 163 steps up to what is known as ‘hill of the lovers’ (Asiklar Tepesi ) in Fethiye town. There’s no doubt it’s a very romantic place. There are little benches overlapping the edge and one small cafe at the top. The panoramic views there are breathtaking. There isn’t really much more I can say, the photos speak for themselves.
Amazing.
Firstly, I’d like to apologise for not sticking to my promise of ‘blogging everyday’, it’s been nearly a week since my last post. I haven’t fallen of the face of the planet, but I have been really busy and had a lot on my mind.
We spent two days/nights in Bodrum last week, it was a very last minute thing, we booked the hotel on Tuesday and left first thing Wednesday morning. It was Berkays first day off work since April, and we were so grateful for the time together, it was lovely. I’ll do a separate post about it all later on.
The next thing that happened was I booked my flight back to the UK for good. I had been putting it off for as long as possible but the prices were getting more expensive and I couldn’t find anymore excuses not to book. It’s booked for Thursday night. This is the main reason I haven’t posted, I’m not really in the mood to be posting about all the wonderful things about Turkey when I’m about to give it all up. I’ll explain why in another post.
I have also been busy finishing a cross-stitch order, it has to be completed by mid week and I am running out of time!
Today we went for a lovely picnic with our friends, the last one for a long time. I’ve been trying to make the most of my last few days here. It still doesn’t feel real that I’m leaving. It’s not going to sink in til I’m sat on that plane alone, flying up and watching all the things I know and love be left behind on the ground.
I have 3 or 4 posts coming up really soon, but after that I’m not sure what or when I’ll be posting on here, but I will keep it as up to date as possible. Thanks for reading as always.
xx
She is still a pup and full of energy, so she needs to be let off the lead and have a run around everyday. Normally we walk through a field so we can ‘let her loose’ without the danger of cars, but today while chasing her ball she decided to run up a hill and stopped to look back at us as if to say ‘come this way’… Of course we followed her and we weren’t disappointed by the view at the top, Boncuk obviously knows best!
She has two favourite toys, a yellow ball and a rabbit-shaped rope. She decided to chew the latter while laying on my lap at the top of the hill, waiting for the sun to go down. I was covered in dog hairs, slobber and grass afterwards, but who cares, I won’t complain about doggy cuddles!
Berkay & I had some fun with the camera too! Cheese.
We sat at the top of the hill until sunset, it was rather beautiful! This is definitely going to be Boncuk’s new walkies route, it’s right opposite our house and there are no animals, cars or piles of rubbish for her to find, perfect.
We’ve all seen the typical ‘Take a Break’ magazine stories about Turkish men being love rats, cheating on British women, manipulating them for their money or using them for a visa, but are they all like that? The answer is no, they’re not, and some (and only some) holiday romances can go the distance and turn into loving, long lasting relationships and marriages.
A lot of things really depend on what circumstances you met in. If you met him while he was working in a bar one night and the only communication you had was while either one or both of you were drunk, the chances are it’s not going to turn into a real meaningful relationship. Drunken conversation and sex does not make a good foundation. What is more important is spending real quality time together and getting to know each other properly before moving forward, although admittedly that is difficult whilst on a short holiday. The normal rules of dating are put on fast forward, it’s easy to get carried away and fall head over heels when everything is moving quickly, you know your time together is limited and that you’ll soon be returning home so everything is rushed. First date, second date, first kiss,sex…It all happens in a blur and it’s difficult to know what is going to happen next and what it all means.
I suppose it’s important to figure out if it is love, or lust. Is it really possible to fall in love with someone in a country thousands of miles away from home where there are so many obstacles to overcome? The language barrier is an important one. Is it really possible to ‘love’ someone you can hardly communicate with? Communication is key. Getting to know each other from 4000 miles away is never easy, but nowadays with Skype, Facebook, FaceTime, email and text, there really is no excuse not to keep in touch, if that’s what you want.
An important thing to be sure of is that you are both wanting the same thing, are you both looking for a quick fling, or is one of you more serious than the other? While on holiday, a lot of us let our guards down, we are physically and emotionally relaxed and free from all the stresses of home, this makes it oh so easy to get carried away, but in reality, when you’re 4000 miles away back at home and have work to do and bills to pay, are you still going to be as interested in your Turkish ‘lover’? If you are serious about the relationship, be certain he is too. A lot of Turkish men working in resorts see a lot of women come and go, as soon as one flight leaves, another arrives. Some men see women, British in particular, as easy and fun loving. They assume, rightly or wrongly, that these women want nothing more than 2 weeks of fun, and the reality is he probably won’t be interested in keeping in touch until you’re back next year.
Turkish men have a reputation as being love-rats, only interested in money and a visa. Sure, some of these men are really clever, scheming, con artists who cover their tracks well, however, in most circumstances there are some clear signs that your ‘relationship’ is doomed. Don’t ignore the signs and leave your brains at the airport. If you’re old enough to be his grandmother, or great-grandmother, he’s probably not genuine. If he runs to the toilet when his phone rings, he’s probably talking to one of his many other holiday flings, or a Turkish wife. If he tells you he loves you in broken English after having known you 5 mintues, he’s probably not genuine. Once you’re home, is he constantly making excuses and too busy to talk to you? Did you do a bit of Facebook stalking and find out he actually has 5 different profiles with photos of him and a different girl on each one? These are all huge red flags, don’t fall for his charm or excuses, it’s not worth the heartbreak in the end.
A lot of women who have experienced the above sell their stories to magazines or newspapers or create online groups and blogs ‘warning’ everyone about the dangers of Turkish men. There seems to be an assumption that all Turkish men will try their luck and manipulate British women for money. If your fella gives you a list of duty free alcohol, trainers and the latest iPhone he wants you to bring out the next time you visit, realise he is not genuinely in love with you, he is more interested in your bank balance. If every time you speak to him he mentions how his mother, father or sister’s friend’s dog-sitter etc.. is ill and he needs money to pay the hospital bill, end the conversation and delete him from your life. He’s lying.
Turkish men are not all scheming, money grabbing rats, far from it. Generally, Turkish men are very proud; they work to provide for their families and would never ask someone for money, especially a woman. Using my relationship as an example, I don’t have a penny to my name, Berkay works hard everyday to provide for us both. When family come to visit, the most he’s ever asked them for is a bottle of Nando’s sauce.
If people try to tell you that your guy isn’t genuine, that he’s cheating on you or using you for money, most of the time they are probably right. Don’t dismiss their concern as ‘jealousy’. Take their concerns on board and be wary. If the signs are there, pay attention and take notice, if not, stay on guard but don’t turn into a bunny boiling stalker.
Trust is important. When you’re living 4000 miles away from someone, it’s going to be impossible to know what they’re doing and who they are with every minute of the day. Gut instinct will be the key, if you think he doesn’t deserve your trust or he’s acting suspiciously, move on, there is no way a long distance relationship will ever work if you cannot trust each other.
The most important thing for me is can you really make the long distance relationship work? Are you patient enough to understand that while friends and people around you may be settling down and moving on with their lives, you’re going to be back and forth only seeing each other for a limited number of days per year until you come to a decision as to where your future is? You can only visit each other so much as your job, and your bank balance permits. At some point, one of you is going to have to give up your life in your own country and move away from your friends, family , job and everything you’ve ever known, it’s inevitable and is the only way forward, eventually.
This brings us to the issue of visas. Depsite what everyone thinks, visas to the UK are not easy to obtain, if you are unwilling to try to settle in Turkey, be prepared for a long battle to get your Turkish partner to the UK, it’s not something to take lightly, it’s a long, hard process and the stress can be enough to split couples up.
There are also cultural differences, and religion pays a large part in some circumstances too. Is he Muslim? Will he expect you to give up certain things? Will he expect you to be a stay at home mum/housewife? Is he willing to let go of some of his more traditional Turkish cultural values, and are you willing to give up some of yours? Can you come to a compromise?
If both of you are willing to make it work and put in the effort as well as having the patience, trust, understanding and communication, your relationship may well turn into something wonderful. If not, enjoy it for what it is and move on, either way you’ll have great memories.
livingtheturkishdream.com 
