Reminiscing – Calis 2010

Posted on October 25, 2015 by livingtheturkishdream

I’ve been looking back at old photos recently and reminiscing on ‘the good old days’. Although my first visit to Calis was only in 2010, a lot has changed in the past 5 years, and yet still so much stays the same.

I was on holiday in Calis staying in a hotel Berkay worked in, and it’s so funny now looking back on photos I took around that time, totally unaware how things would pan out in the future. It was Grand Vizon hotel in Calis where I stayed, and where we met. I remember sitting on the balcony taking photos of our view over the pool just to remember the place by – little did I know I’d end up living around the corner to this hotel for 3 years, or be walking around the hotel grounds in winter playing fetch with our dog, Boncuk, or having weekly winter BBQ’s with Berkay, sat next to the empty pool long after the tourists had gone home and the summer season finished.

It’s also funny to think that one of the other waiters who worked in the hotel when I met Berkay would become one of our best friends and that I’d be sitting in the house of him and his wife every week for tea and biscuits and playing with their baby son!

Whilst some things have changed, some things never do. This photo of me walking down the road leading to the hotel just sums me up perfectly… animal mad, ever so slightly crazy cat lady. This was taken just on a daytime stroll back to the hotel, where I seemed to attract a small army of kittens. 5 years on this still happens – if there’s a stray cat or dog somewhere I’ll normally end up sat on the floor playing with it! I still do this now in England on my way to work, there’s a cat who wanders around the bottom of our road and on my way to the train station everyday if I see him I stop and talk to him (yes, talk) in fact, I even missed my train once because I stopped to stroke this cat…

Calis itself is of course just as beautiful as ever, apart from a lick of paint on the umbrellas which are now multicoloured, the wide uncrowded beach, the gentle waves of the sea and the backdrop of Babadağ mountain remains much the same. Tourists still come and go every summer and thousands of people fall in love with the place every year.

I wonder how many other tourists like me have sat their bottoms on the stoney beach of Calis and not realised how much the place would change their lives? Or not realised that the place they were visiting for a week’s holiday would turn into a place they’d call home? Do you have any stories of how this place changed you forever?

The Frustrating misconceptions about visas.

Posted on October 6, 2015 by livingtheturkishdream

If there’s one thing that gets me most passionate, most vocal, and most annoyed, its the topic of visas.

Visas, ah, bane of my life. Our whole life is determined by visa applications and the result of them, the verdict reached by someone sat a desk in an office making assumptions about our intentions and relationship. I can deal with that, it was a choice we made, a life we chose to follow when we met each other and started our relationship, although recent changes in the law have made things more difficult, it’s still something we just have to accept.

What I do find hard to deal with, and what really frustrates me more than anything is people’s ignorance.

4 years ago, we applied for a visit visa for Berkay to come to the UK for a 3 week visit over Christmas. I was living with him in Turkey, he had a full time job, was a student, had money going in and out of his bank account every month, rented a house, had family ties and we had letters of support and a sponsor (a member of my family) in the UK. The visa was refused, because they didn’t think he’d return, despite the hundreds of pieces of paper we supplied as evidence that he would. We applied again a week later with even more evidence and got the visa granted, and he’s had two more granted since then, but knowing the time, effort and cost of the whole process just for a week’s holiday makes it really hard to accept ignorant comments from people such as:

“Turkish people rip us off paying £13 for the visa”
“This Evisa is so hard, I don’t even have a printer, It’s too much effort to print it”
“England should take a leaf out of Turkey’s book and charge people to visit”
“We have property in Turkey we should be able to visit when we want”

Now, where do I start to address these comments? These people have no idea. To put it into perspective, this is the amount of paperwork my partner had to show in order to convince the entry clearance officer that he was a genuine visitor to the UK…

Just some of the things we had to show to convince them to give Berkay a visa for his 3 week holiday included a 20 page form, list of all his family ties, proof he was a student, proof of address, rent contract, 6 months bank statements, a letter from his boss stating he had a job to return to, insurance papers, police check, a 5 page letter explaining why he wanted to visit, a letter from me, proof I exist, photos of us together, a planned itinerary + expenditure, a letter from one of my family members who would be his sponsor, proof they exist, proof of address, bank statements, job status and a letter stating Berkay could stay with them for the 3 week holiday.

Can you imagine having to show all of the above just for a 2 week holiday to Turkey? If us British people had to show all of that to visit, we’d never bother to leave the country! Doesn’t it put it into perspective, it’s not really that much effort to log on to the evisa website, submit a few details and press print is it? That’s not even considering the fact that that can be done from the comfort of your own home (unless you haven’t got a printer..) To apply for a visa to the UK, Turkish (and most non eu-nationals) have to travel hundreds of miles away to their nearest British visa application centre. For us, it was Izmir, 4 hours away from Fethiye, and 4 hours back again – an 8 hour round trip. Some people even have to travel to different countries to apply. Plus the running around involved in getting all the documents from the many different people and places, and printing, photocopying and translating them all into English. Compare that to the effort it takes to fetch your passport from a hidden drawer somewhere in the house and enter your name, date of birth and verification code on the evisa website…. there really is no comparison, is there?

As for the £13 fee, the fee for Non-eu nationals to visit the UK is £80, plus the bus/train/car journey to the visa application centre, and the fee back again to collect the decision 2-3 weeks later or the fee for the courier to deliver it by special delivery instead. There’s also the fee to print, photocopy and translate the documents… so the £80 fee turns more into a £250 fee. £13 doesn’t look like such a ‘rip off’ afterall, does it?

The last point was something that I saw posted on a Facebook group recently. “We have property in Turkey we should be able to visit when we want without visas” – well, in theory perhaps, but when the situation is turned around and family’s in the UK are separated from their non-eu partner at Christmas because they are unable to get a visit visa for a holiday, people say “you should have thought about that first, you made your bed now lie in it”, does the same principle not apply then? Why buy property in a foreign country and then complain you can’t visit as often as you’d like due to visa restrictions?

A lot of people also seem to assume that the difference in difficulty and price is because of the fact that ‘foreigners visiting the UK get nhs and benefits’ .. really? If it was safe to do so I’d post a copy of Berkay’s visit visa on here which clearly states on it “no recourse to public funds” which means no benefits, and no free healthcare. He had to purchase travel insurance before travelling to the UK, just the same as we purchase travel insurance to cover us for medical issues when abroad.

I think a lot of people truly do not realise just how difficult the process is for non-eu nationals to visit the UK. We are blessed that Berkay has been granted 3 visas, but that doesn’t mean he will be granted future ones, there is always the possibility of refusal and all that wasted time, money and effort. It’s something we, and millions of other people just have to deal with, but please do spare a thought next time you complain about the visa process for visiting Turkey. It’s not a rip off, it’s not a lot of effort and it’s not that the Turkish government has a vendetta against British holiday makers at all.

Instead, be thankful that we have British passports which allow us visa free and/or fairly easy travel to most countries in the world, and be thankful that Turkey doesn’t have a reciprocal agreement and invoke the same requirements for a visa as the UK, because then most of us would probably never have visited the beautiful country in the first place.

❤

Army life – broken foot & time off?

Posted on September 20, 2015 by livingtheturkishdream

Its not unusual for Berkay to call me and tell me he’s been at the hospital all day, as he’s usually driving the ambulance back and forth between the base and the hospital when people get injured during training etc, but yesterday when he called me he told me he’d been in hospital all day, as a patient, after breaking his foot!

Apparently he was doing sport, as they do everyday, and when facing one of the obstacles on the course – jumping down in and out of a ditch – he jumped in and landed on something hard which shouldn’t have been in there, and broke his foot…

Since then he’s been on bed rest, only allowed to get up (with crutches) to use the phone, having all his food bought to his bed. He says his foot hurts a lot and is like a ‘balloon’ (swollen) and he has a cast on it… I hope he’s milking it for all it’s worth!

I’m actually quite pleased he broke it. The world works in mysterious ways, 2 weeks ago he was saying how he wanted to volunteer to go to the border towns to fight against the PKK after the recent trouble there, so having a dodgy foot has definitely ruled him out of that, for the time being!

I’m not sure what it means for his holiday – he wasn’t sure if he was going to get his 10 days leave in October and we’d decided that I’d not visit anyway so we was going to cancel it and finish 10 days early at the end of his service instead, but now he might be forced to take sick leave because of his foot, not much use as an ambulance driver with a plaster cast… He may get a few weeks holiday but it’s doubtful I’ll be able to visit since it will be too late notice to get time off work, and the fact that he doesn’t really have anywhere to go – his village is around 10 hours away from his army base by car, and Fethiye is around 12 hours away, not a nice distance to travel at the best of times let alone with a painful foot in a cast.

So it looks like I won’t be seeing him til February as planned, but at least he’s safe for now, even if a little pained, and less than 4 and a half months to go! (:

Struggling through Army life..

Posted on August 23, 2015 by livingtheturkishdream

“It’s about who you miss at 2pm when you’re busy, not at 2am when you’re lonely” – I saw this quote recently and thought how true it was.

We might be half way through the army but instead of getting easier it only seems to be getting harder, and more stressful.

Its been over 4 months since I last saw Berkay, which is the longest we’ve ever not seen each other since we met – even before I lived in Turkey we saw each other every 3 months. People say to keep busy to take your mind off it, but that doesn’t really work, does it? Out of sight doesn’t mean out of mind, and as the quote above says, it’s not about missing someone at 2am when you’re lonely and bored – it’s about who you’re missing during the day when you’re surrounded by company and are busy. Little things where you think ‘I wish they were here to see this’. I went camping with my mum last week and really enjoyed it but the whole time I was thinking how much Berkay would have loved this or that and wishing he was there..

He was supposed to have holiday booked for the beginning of October, but it’s now not certain whether he’ll get the leave or not due to the rising tensions in Turkey… Some of his fellow national-service men had holiday booked for last week and got called to go back to base early, so it’s really impossible to make any plans or book flights for me to go and visit since the dates are so uncertain. I’m still hoping to go if he can get holiday, but if it’s too short notice I won’t be able to get time off work (if I’m still working there as that too, is uncertain since it was a temporary contract). It’s very frustrating not being able to make solid plans, anyone who knows me knows how much I need plans to stick to, I hate not knowing.

Now is a pretty scary time to be doing national service or serving any kind of time in the army. It’s a fairly safe country, just like any other, but in the last few weeks there have been a few incidents where Turkish soliders have died through terrorist attacks from the PKK, and with the events going on in Syria, the border between that and Turkey is a fairly scary place to be right now too , I expect. A lot of Berkay’s army friends have been sent to ‘bad places’ recently, and although Berkay hasn’t had to move base from Kayseri yet, it is a possibility, one we hope he can avoid. People in the UK who say “bring back National service for the youth of today” need to have a reality check – it’s not just a fun little army training camp, it’s real life, real situations and real people, and that’s scary.

Berkay isn’t enjoying it at all, he’s finding it difficult and struggling more than he lets on, I think. We rarely get a full conversation as the signal is bad or we’re busy. There’s no deep meaningful conversation, just a simple “hi, how are you, what are you doing” – no time for anything else. It makes you feel really distant.

Perhaps the scariest part of it all, is knowing that in five and a half months time it will all be over, and we’ll be free to move on, finally. Although he’s only been in for 6 months, the army has been a huge obstacle for a long time, and once it’s out of the way we’ll be ‘free’. Free to live together without knowing we’ll be separated for a year later on, have a permanent home rather than a temporary one, be able to get married, have a family, etc without the army lingering over us. This is a relief, but also overwhelming, and the future is just so uncertain. I know nobody has a crystal ball, nobody knows what is going to happen tomorrow, a week from now or a year from now, but we can’t even plan which country we’ll live in. I don’t earn enough for Berkay to get a visa to live in the UK, hopefully I will eventually, but what time limit do we put on that? Do we just live apart even after the army has finished in the hope that one day I’ll get a payrise or find a job offering more money? I have to be earning the set amount for 6 months before applying, and we have to be married, so there’s something else to think about. Do I save and go there instead? People keep asking me ‘what’s your plan for once he’s finished?’ – the answer is I don’t know. Neither does he, and we don’t get to speak to each other for long enough to even contemplate or discuss it.

There is so much more to this whole ‘army thing’ than just missing him, it’s a big part of our life, and it really sucks. People say ‘it will go quick, half way has gone already, it will be Christmas soon then it will be really close’ – well, yes, I don’t doubt it, but it doesn’t just end there once he gets his completion papers. A year of our lives will have gone, forever and we’ll probably still be apart for longer.

For now, we’ll keep plodding along. Day after day, putting marble after marble in the ‘days down’ jar, and hoping that everything will eventually come together.

“Everything will be alright in the end, and if it’s not alright, it’s not yet the end”.

The cost of living in Turkey – revisited.

Posted on August 18, 2015 by livingtheturkishdream

Last week I met up with my friend who lives in Turkey. While we were chatting, she said something that I’d been thinking for years, – “I can’t believe how cheap everything is in England now”, she said.

The most popular, most read post ever on my blog is one regarding the ‘cost of living’ that I wrote last August. (click here to read that) I received mixed comments in response to the post, some agreed that living in Turkey isn’t cheap, others said it was if you learn to live like villagers, some people made me feel as if I wasn’t entitled to an opinion, because I didn’t work there and lived purely off Berkay’s wages, which obviously means things are tougher.

As mentioned, my friend lives in Turkey. She has for years. She has children in school there, a husband with his own business and a kimlik and full time job herself – they are just a normal family, and on her visit to the UK if she notices how ‘cheap’ things are in the UK in comparison, surely that must mean something?

Like for like, things may be cheaper in Turkey, but compared to wages, they’re not really. Things take up a bigger proportion of a monthly wage which means they’re not really cheaper at all.

One of the things which prompted the discussion was the price of cinema tickets – I know, going to the cinema is a luxury, but just for comparison – an adult cinema ticket in the UK is around £10, an adult cinema ticket in Turkey is around 20tl (around £4.60 at today’s exchange rate). On first glance it seems cheaper, but when you compare wages, it’s not – minimum wage in Turkey (1000tl a month) would buy 50 cinema tickets. Minimum wage in the UK (£910 a month) would buy 91 cinema tickets – a big difference.

The same goes for a lot of everyday things, for example – 1kg chicken breast in Tesco is roughly £6, in Turkey’s Kipa 1kg of chicken breast is around 11tl, this means on minimum wage in the UK you could buy 151kgs of chicken, in Turkey you could buy just 90kg. In Tesco, 1kg of diced beef is £7.50, in Kipa the same beef is 36tl – which means on minimum wage in the UK you could buy 121 kgs of beef, in Turkey just 27 kgs.

In Tesco, their own brand newborn nappies (pack of 58) is £4, whereas in Turkey, Kipa’s own brand of newborn nappies, back of 60 is 20tl – which means in the UK you could buy 227 packs a month, in Turkey just 50. A huge difference.

In Tesco, a mid range 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner is around £3, in Kipa it’s around 9tl, which means you could afford 303 bottles on minimum wage in the UK and just 111 bottles in Turkey. The same prices apply for a mid-range fabric softener. Big differences, again.

In Tesco, a 1lt bottle of own brand olive oil (which is used ALOT in Turkish cuisine) is £3.45, in Kipa, the same own brand 1lt bottle is 23tl. This means you could afford 263 bottles on minimum wage in the UK, and just 43 bottles in Turkey.

My own experience shows white goods, cars, petrol, household items, pet items and baby items are mostly all most expensive in Turkey than the UK.

I could carry on with the comparisons all day, and most of the time the same result would be seen. Day to day items, and luxuries, are all more expensive in Turkey than the UK in comparison with wages, the everyday necessities take up a larger proportion of the monthly wage in turkey, than in the UK.

Of course, there are cheap alternatives for things, but there are too in the UK. Lidl or Aldi instead of Tesco or Sainsburys, Bim and Sok instead of Kipa and Migros… growing your own fruit and veg instead of buying it, eating pulses and cooking from scratch in big batches instead of store bought things and ready meals, no days out and living on the bare minimum – but that’s not ideal, in either country is it? I believe in the UK there is more of a conscious choice to live a certain way, whereas in Turkey you don’t have that option – if you are trying to live off minimum wage you have no choice but to be frugal.

There are things that are cheaper in Turkey, like fruit and vegetables – there were often times when we’d walk around the market for hours frugally trying to find the cheapest deals, even if it meant saving a few kurus or lira, and I still remember the shock on Berkay’s face when he came to the UK and saw one pepper for 45p.

Rent is also undoubtedly cheaper in Turkey, but then I guess it depends where you live, village or city, and whether you have a mortgage or rent. And then there’s the issue of taxes, which are lower in Turkey. Perhaps, with this considered, the cost of living in both countries does even itself out in the end, then?

One thing is for sure, in my eyes, it’s not cheaper to live in Turkey, at all. When people say how cheap all the supermarkets, clothes and shoes are I have to rub my eyes in disbelief and think ‘really?’, and I’m always very pleasantly surprised when I find people who agree with me, especially those who are in a relatively good position in Turkey and still notice this.

Perhaps the cost of living is no cheaper in Turkey, but the quality of life may be higher? Less materialistic and more family orientated, more freedom for children to remain children for longer?

What do you think?

Army Life – Half way there!

Posted on August 4, 2015 by livingtheturkishdream

This morning I woke up, took a marble from the ‘days to go’ jar, put it in the ‘days down jar’, looked at the calendar and realised that we’d reached the half way point – equal number of marbles in each jar! 4th August, exactly 6 months since Berkay started his national service, which means ‘only’ another 6 to go.

People say it’s gone quick but I’m not so sure, although it is definitely going faster now I’m working and keeping busy. He’s hoping for a 10 day holiday in October so that will break up the time nicely too, although it will be 6 months since I last saw him then, the longest ever!

For now, we make do with our almost-weekly skype sessions and 1 minute daily phonecalls.

At the moment I can’t even imagine life without the dreaded army lingering, even though he’s only been in there for 6 months it was always a worry and a big part of the reasons I moved back to the UK in both 2013 and 2014, so to have it finally out of the way will be a strange, but good feeling. Then it will just be visa issues to tackle instead…

Overall the last 6 months haven’t been too bad… but I still say roll on 2016.

183 days to go.

New job for me, farm life for Boncuk & the army countdown continues..

Posted on July 2, 2015 by livingtheturkishdream

I haven’t posted here for over 6 weeks now, I have a lot I want to post and write about but I just haven’t had time.

The main reason for that is that I FINALLY found a full time job! I started 3 weeks ago and I’m enjoying it. I’d been looking for work since December but had no luck, other than a few days for an agency. I had applied for hundreds of jobs and kept getting knocked back, even after going for interviews etc. Finally my luck changed and an agency put me forward for a 3 month placement for a really interesting company who are based inside Canary Wharf – I went for the interview and got the job. It was overwhelming at first, I’m not a ‘people’, so the first few days of travelling to Canary Wharf in rush hour was a bit of a shock, but not quite as overwhelming as the chaos that is lunchtime inside, and around One Canada Square and Canary Wharf. Thousands of people queuing up, buying, sitting and eating their lunch all at the same time – it was really horrible at first. I’ve found ‘my’ spot now where I sit everyday for lunch and read my book (oh, hello Mr Grey 😉 ) , and even though it’s still busy and overwhelming, the initial shock has worn off! This is the view I face everyday whilst eating my sandwich – isn’t it pretty? I work inside that middle building, on the 30 something floor – eeek. I’m actually enjoying the role and it’s such a relief to be back into a routine and earning money – the last 3 weeks have gone very quickly so keeping busy at work certainly makes the days tick by faster.

Berkay is also being kept busy in the army. He’s finding it a lot harder than he anticipated and he can’t wait to get out and have some freedom. He’s still based in Kayseri, although there was a scary moment where he faced the prospect of being moved to a more dangerous area – thankfully he didn’t have to go. He gets a few hours off most weekends so he can go outside and speak to me on skype and he’s made two good friends there who get the same hours off as him so he wanders around the nearby shopping centres with them for hours. He says they are all the ‘oldies’ and people refer to them as such, because they’re mid twenties and most people doing their national service are a lot younger than that. I’m glad he’s made friends. He’s been in there for 5 months this week – another 7 to go, and he’s counting every single day.

I’m still moving the marbles from my ‘days to go’ jar into my ‘days down’ one, and it’s a relief seeing nearly equal amounts in each! Berkay has a little list of days in the shape of ‘365’ that he’s ticking off one by one – bless him.

One of the things I was most worried about when Berkay went in the army was Boncuk, where she’d go and how safe she’d be. Initially she stayed with our friends for the first 2 months – and when I was there in April we took her to Berkay’s family’s village instead. Berkay’s brother promised me he’d look after her, but I was still worried because although they have farm animals and care for them, a dog is different. Turkish people don’t really like dogs like we do. They have their own dog, used to guard the sheep – they don’t feed it proper food, just bread and the occasional sheep/goat hoof when slaughtering time comes around. Needless to say, when we turned up with Boncuk, her bags of food and asked Berkay’s dad to save her a bit of fish from his dinner plate so that we could get her to take her worming pill, they thought we were nuts. Thankfully, Berkay’s brother is lovely and has been looking after her nicely, sending me photo updates and answering all my ‘Boncuk nasil?’ messages! He says she loves him and jumps up him wagging her tail whenever she sees him. He even takes her for walks, which is unheard of in the village, people look at you like you’ve got two heads if you’ve got a dog on a lead but think nothing of someone walking along with a flock of sheep instead. Last week Berkay’s cousin was visiting the village and sent me some photos – I was sat on the train coming home from work when I got them and it made my whole day, Boncuk just looks so happy doesn’t she? Such a relief.

149 days down, 219 days to go!

P.S I’m off camping this weekend, but I hope to have another post up sometime next week – I still have a lot of lovely photos of Fethiye to share. If you’re interested in more photos, join our Facebook group www.facebook.com/groups/TurkishDreams where me and 3 of my friends post daily photo challenges among other Turkey related things! (:

Aksazlar Koyu – a beautiful BBQ spot

Posted on May 21, 2015 by livingtheturkishdream

Aksazlar koyu (Aksazlar bay) is one of the many calm bays around the Fethiye peninsula.
It’s a beautiful place to sit, relax and look across to Fethiye town. To get to it you drive through the main town centre, past Ece Saray and along past the boatyard, Aksazlar koyu is the first beach, before Letoonia resort and the other bays. To get there by bus, look for the dolmus that goes along the main Fethiye town centre road with the orange front and the words Taşyaka-Karagözler on it.

It’s a private area, you have to pay an fee to enter which curiously varies each time we visit. It’s something like 10tl per car (but don’t quote me on that), but there have been times where we weren’t charged at all! There is a small beach area and a restaurant/bar. We’ve never used the restaurant so I can’t comment on the menu or prices, but I’ve never seen it busy. There are sunbeds available on the beach, along with large beanie cushions, hammocks and the more traditional shady köşks too, all at a price to rent, but again we’ve never used these so I’m not sure of the fee. They also have tents to hire and you can camp overnight in the great outdoors!

We bypass all of the above go to Aksazlar purely for the beautiful surroundings which makes it a perfect BBQ spot. If you drive straight past the restaurant and beach you’re greeted with a forest of tall pine trees providing much needed shaded that is very welcome in the summer months. There are little picnic tables dotted around the area where you can sit and eat, although there aren’t that many and they do get full quickly, especially on a Sunday afternoon when all the locals go for BBQ’s.

It has been a favourite place of ours for years, the first time I went there was over 4 years ago with Berkay and his friends for our first BBQ picnic together back in January 2011! Its so peaceful just sitting watching the food grill, having a chat and listening to water lapping gently onto the shore. I love it. I have lots of photos of good memories made with different family members and friends there.

Good memories in the bay back in 2011 & 2012

There are only two bad things I can think to say about the place, one being the amount of wasps that are around, especially in the height of summer. The other bad thing is the disgusting state of the toilet facilities, nearly every time we’ve been (and we used to go alot) the toilets have been so bad that I walked in busting for a wee and walked straight out determined to hold off til we got home – not pleasant, and I expect clean toilets are something people look for when spending the day somewhere. I have heard that the restaurant is under new management, so perhaps they will improve things!

Aksazlar is a bit of a hidden gem, although it’s become a bit more well known recently with the arrival of the Bubble Sea Park – the loud, big, brightly coloured inflatable slides/play area on the sea. I have mixed feelings about this, no doubt it will bring in money to the restaurant business and hopefully this will enable them to improve the services, however it is a big eye sore and it ruins the atmosphere when you can hear the loud music and screams coming from that direction even from the other side of the bay. Locals in the area will tell you not to swim in the bay at all as it’s so close to the dockyard and the water becomes dirty from the oil and petrol from the boats, but tourists don’t seem to mind. Arguably it’s good for children, as it’s shallow for quite a way out and is very calm, but it’s certainly not the clear blue Mediterranean water that you might expect.

All in all it is a lovely place, we love it, in fact it was the first place we went when me, Berkay and Boncuk were all reunited back in April, yes Boncuk loves it too. It’s the perfect spot for a bbq in summer or winter, and a good place to spend the day and relax with yummy food while enjoying the view across the bay to Fethiye. Definitely worth a visit!

Two Separate lives?

Posted on April 20, 2015 by livingtheturkishdream

Since I’ve been back from Turkey in this last week, it has never been more apparent to me that I am living two separate lives. One life here, one life there in Turkey, and the two rarely, if ever, cross over. It’s quite an unsettling feeling, being pulled in both directions, feeling ties to both countries and never really feeling at peace or at home. This is my favourite quote and one that I feel will stick with me for a long time.

“You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart always will be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.” ― Miriam Adeney.

It’s 100% true and goes a little way to describing how I feel on a daily basis. Not only are me and Berkay currently living very separate, polar opposite lives, which thankfully is only temporary, but I’m also having an internal battle within myself, one that I think shall go on forever, whichever country we end up settling in.

I have friends and family in the UK, and friends and family in Turkey. The two have never met. My family has never met Berkay’s family and I doubt they ever will because neither really has the desire to meet the other, and even if they did, communication would be non-existant. This is always going to be awkward, because neither really has any idea how the other lives, and their lives are so totally different that any reunion would end up being like a terrible version of “meet the Fockers” or that Turkish film ‘ay lav yu’ (watch it, it’s hilarious).

The lifestyles I myself live in both countries is so different, it’s like I have two different lives, two different personalities, two different homes. In Turkey I rely on Berkay for a lot of things, he pays the bills, we do the shopping together, we visited friends together, got on the bus together… in fact when I lived there there were times where I’d go days or weeks without having a conversation with another person face to face (apart from Berkay, of course). This didn’t bother me, at all. We done everything together, I hardly ever went out alone, and I liked that. Here in the UK its the total opposite. I have to do things for myself, I’m always alone, travelling on the train, bus, going to the shop, buying things, I’m in a house surrounded by people but outside these 4 walls I’m alone, and that takes some getting used to after so long.

The whole mentality of people here in the UK is different – want something, buy it. Throughout my time living in Turkey I learnt not to be this way, I wasn’t fussed about the latest gadget, I wasn’t the slightest bit ‘into’ fashion and I really never bought things to treat myself, I don’t need to, nor want to. Being back in the UK though, I can sometimes feel the urge to splurge and waste money on stupid things, I find myself falling back into this habit, one I didn’t have for so long. For example, the other day I spent £9.50 on 3 bottles of fancy shampoo. At Today’s exchange rate this is nearly 40tl. When we were in Turkey, we’d walk to the furthest, cheapest supermarket and search the shelf for the cheapest bottle. Here I went online, ordered a ridiculously expensive one and had it delivered. A moment of madness, although my hair is thanking me because it smells amazing.

The most difficult thing I’ve faced since coming back, is learning how to fit in again, and it’s really not very easy at all. I spent 19 years of my life here, It should feel like home, right? It doesn’t. You see, I’ve spent such a long time away from home, from family, from friends, that when it comes to sitting around a dinner table with them it feels weird, like I’m an outsider looking in, that’s the best way I can explain it. I’ve been back in the UK for over 4 months and that hasn’t really changed. These people, friends and family, who were once all I knew, are now so distant from me because they can’t comprehend the life I had in Turkey, for them it was all one big holiday, they only saw my life through the photos I posted online and the things I told them, last year none of my family visited me in Turkey, and my friends never have, they never saw my house there, the things I saw and walked past everyday, the places I went, the things that were a part of my everyday life, and somehow that makes me feel very distant from them.

In Turkey, everyone sees us as ‘Dan & Berkay’ – we lived together, had a life together. The last time Berkay was in the UK was April last year, 2014. That was the last time he saw any of my family, so I guess for them instead of ‘Dan & Berkay’ they simply see me as just ‘Dan’, this was particularly evident at Christmas when I got cards addressed just to me. “Why don’t they write Berkay too?” I kept asking myself, it’s not their fault though, it’s a habit. He’s not here, not a part of my life in the UK so why would they include him?

Everything is different, from the places I go, to the people I see and even the food I eat. Walking in supermarkets is always a weird one for me. I remember moving back here from Turkey and going to Asda with my mum, I was totally overwhelmed by everything on the shevles that I hadn’t seen for months, years. Cadburys chocolate, British brands, salad pre washed, cut and in a packet. The same thing happened this time when I went back to Turkey and walked around Migros. Things that you’d never consider have a way of making you reminisce. “Aww, we used to use that washing powder. Oooo look, remember this drink? Oh, we used to buy that rice.” Really, really weird things that just jump out at you and say “this was your life once”.

When I got off that plane at Dalaman 2 weeks ago and walked out through the exit doors, I immediately became ‘Turkey Danni’ again, rather than ‘England Danni’, I once again had Berkay by my side doing the daily chores, going shopping together and walking hand in hand. I once again saw all the familiar places and faces I once saw everyday, and it was like I’d never been away. We went to friend’s houses for tea and they welcomed us with open arms and full glasses. We visited places we used to go to every week, the market, the beach, Fethiye. Then, a week later, I got back on the plane, landed, turned the key in the front door, walked upstairs to my bedroom, unpacked and became ‘England Danni’ again. It’s truely bizarre, and really quite sad.

It’s something that will never really go away, I’ll always have ties to both the UK, and Turkey. Berkay will too. At one point in the future, one of us is going to have to ‘give up’ one of our countries, and both of us will no doubt miss something from whichever country we’re not in. Any future children we have will also be torn between the two countries, both sets of grandparents, families, lifestyles. As the quote above says, this is the price we pay.

Would I change it though? No way.

300,000 views & a thank you giveaway..

Posted on March 11, 2015 by livingtheturkishdream

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I recently hit 300,000 views on my blog, a massive milestone and something I can’t really comprehend! 300,000 times someone has clicked onto my website to read what I have to say!

I have made great friendships through sharing my experiences on here, and can’t count the number of times I’ve received emails or messages from readers telling me they can relate to certain aspects of my ‘story’ or providing advice and reassuring me that everything will work out in the end. It’s a great support network and whether you read my blog because you can relate, because you’re just curious about the topics I discuss and story I share, or to just see some photos of the places we all know and love, I’m grateful for everyone who clicks onto http://www.livingtheturkishdream.com and interacts with me.

As a teeny, tiny thanks, I’m doing a giveaway. The prizes aren’t anything too exciting, just small token thank you’s.

There are 3 main prizes, to signify each 100,000 views. Since the majority of people who read my blog presumably have an interest in Turkey, all the prizes are Turkish/holiday themed.

The first prize is these 3 necklaces with a Turkish ‘evil eye’ or ‘nazar boncuğu’ theme – one is a small gemstone, the other is a Hamsa (also known as the Hand of Fatima) which is thought to provide protection from the evil eye, and the third in the shape of an eye with the famous blue bead in the middle, also thought to protect the holder from evil. These are really dainty and cute and a definite reminder of good old Turkey, you can’t go anywhere without seeing the nazar there, people hang them in houses, lay them into pavements, pin them on their children’s clothes, on cars… everywhere. I love these necklaces so much I think I’ll have to go and buy some for myself!

The 2nd prize is another with a nazar theme, one of the many blue glass stones, you can never have too many of these in your house! A pair of sparkly earrings with a nazar design, and a bracelet to match.

The 3rd prize is one of the below, the winner can chose which they prefer and I’ll make it to suit them. Either a mounted, glittery map of Turkey, with small gems stuck onto whichever resorts or cities of the country that mean something to you. Mine has a heart over Fethiye, since that is my favourite place in the world. Perhaps you had a special holiday in a particular area, perhaps Istanbul holds your heart or you have a long distance relationship with someone in another part of the country? It’s a good piece to display on the wall and a constant reminder of Turkey and just where those special memories were made.

The other choice is a mounted, personalised word cloud, it will be totally unique to you with family names, hotel names or words that remind you of your holidays. Shapes, colours, words and fonts can all be edited to suit you and the things that are important to you. Another lovely piece to display on the wall and remind you of your holidays.

There will also be 5 photo key rings sent out as mini-prizes.

To enter, all you have to do is comment on this blog post – it has to be on here directly (scroll down and click leave comment). I’ll choose the winners at random using a random number/name generator. Winners will be chosen after 8pm on Sunday 15th March and will be announced on here via a new post. I know there are people who read my blog from all over the world, but the giveaway will only be open to UK & Ireland residents due to postage costs overseas.

A little disclaimer, I paid for these prizes with my own money, they were not given to me. There is no fee to enter and winners will be chosen entirely at random, it is not a competition, just a lucky draw.

Thank you all so much once again, and good luck.