Walkies with a difference..

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We take our dog, Boncuk for walkies everyday, usually always in the same, boring place. Yesterday we had a little change up and found a place with a great view.

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She is still a pup and full of energy, so she needs to be let off the lead and have a run around everyday. Normally we walk through a field so we can ‘let her loose’ without the danger of cars, but today while chasing her ball she decided to run up a hill and stopped to look back at us as if to say ‘come this way’… Of course we followed her and we weren’t disappointed by the view at the top, Boncuk obviously knows best!

She has two favourite toys, a yellow ball and a rabbit-shaped rope. She decided to chew the latter while laying on my lap at the top of the hill, waiting for the sun to go down. I was covered in dog hairs, slobber and grass afterwards, but who cares, I won’t complain about doggy cuddles!
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Berkay & I had some fun with the camera too! Cheese.
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We sat at the top of the hill until sunset, it was rather beautiful! This is definitely going to be Boncuk’s new walkies route, it’s right opposite our house and there are no animals, cars or piles of rubbish for her to find, perfect.

Holiday fling or the real thing? Can relationships with Turkish men really last?

During a relaxing, carefree holiday In Turkey, it’s all so easy to fall in love with a handsome stranger with a sexy accent, romantic walks on the beach, watching sunsets together and a lot of fun in the sun, but what happens when you return home, can the relationship continue or will he forget about you as soon as you board the plane?

We’ve all seen the typical ‘Take a Break’ magazine stories about Turkish men being love rats, cheating on British women, manipulating them for their money or using them for a visa, but are they all like that? The answer is no, they’re not, and some (and only someholiday romances can go the distance and turn into loving, long lasting relationships and marriages.

A lot of things really depend on what circumstances you met in. If you met him while he was working in a bar one night and the only communication you had was while either one or both of you were drunk, the chances are it’s not going to turn into a real meaningful relationship. Drunken conversation and sex does not make a good foundation. What is more important is spending real quality time together and getting to know each other properly before moving forward, although admittedly that is difficult whilst on a short holiday. The normal rules of dating are put on fast forward, it’s easy to get carried away and fall head over heels when everything is moving quickly, you know your time together is limited and that you’ll soon be returning home so everything is rushed. First date, second date, first kiss,sex…It all happens in a blur and it’s difficult to know what is going to happen next and what it all means.

I suppose it’s important to figure out if it is love, or lust. Is it really possible to fall in love with someone in a country thousands of miles away from home where there are so many obstacles to overcome? The language barrier  is an important one. Is it really possible to ‘love’ someone you can hardly communicate with? Communication is key. Getting to know each other from 4000 miles away is never easy, but nowadays with Skype, Facebook, FaceTime, email and text, there really is no excuse not to keep in touch, if that’s what you want.

An important thing to be sure of is that you are both wanting the same thing, are you both looking for a quick fling, or is one of you more serious than the other? While on holiday, a lot of us let our guards down, we are physically and emotionally relaxed and free from all the stresses of home, this makes it oh so easy to get carried away, but in reality, when you’re 4000 miles away back at home and have work to do and bills to pay, are you still going to be as interested in your Turkish ‘lover’? If you are serious about the relationship, be certain he is too. A lot of Turkish men working in resorts see a lot of women come and go, as soon as one flight leaves, another arrives. Some men see women, British in particular, as easy and fun loving.  They assume, rightly or wrongly, that these women want nothing more than 2 weeks of fun, and the reality is he probably won’t be interested in keeping in touch until you’re back next year.

Turkish men have a reputation as being love-rats, only interested in money and a visa. Sure, some of these men are really clever, scheming, con artists who cover their tracks well, however, in most circumstances there are some clear signs that your ‘relationship’ is doomed. Don’t ignore the signs and leave your brains at the airport. If you’re old enough to be his grandmother, or great-grandmother, he’s probably not genuine. If he runs to the toilet when his phone rings, he’s probably talking to one of his many other holiday flings, or a Turkish wife. If he tells you he loves you in broken English after having known you 5 mintues, he’s probably not genuine. Once you’re home, is he constantly making excuses and too busy to talk to you? Did you do a bit of Facebook stalking and find out he actually has 5 different profiles with photos of him and a different girl on each one? These are all huge red flags, don’t fall for his charm or excuses, it’s not worth the heartbreak in the end.

A lot of women  who have experienced the above sell their stories to magazines or newspapers or create online groups and blogs ‘warning’ everyone about the dangers of Turkish men. There seems to be an assumption that all Turkish men will try their luck and manipulate British women for money. If your fella gives you a list of duty free alcohol, trainers and the latest iPhone he wants you to bring out the next time you visit, realise he is not genuinely in love with you, he is more interested in your bank balance. If every time you speak to him he mentions how his mother, father or sister’s friend’s dog-sitter etc.. is ill and he needs money to pay the hospital bill,  end the conversation and delete him from your life. He’s lying.

Turkish men are not all scheming, money grabbing rats, far from it. Generally, Turkish men are very proud; they work to provide for their families and would never ask someone for money, especially a woman. Using my relationship as an example, I don’t have a penny to my name, Berkay works hard everyday to provide for us both. When family come to visit, the most he’s ever asked them for is a bottle of Nando’s sauce.

If people try to tell you that your guy isn’t genuine, that he’s cheating on you or using you for money, most of the time they are probably right. Don’t dismiss their concern as ‘jealousy’. Take their concerns on board and be wary. If the signs are there, pay attention and take notice, if not, stay on guard but don’t turn into a bunny boiling stalker.

Trust is important. When you’re living 4000 miles away from someone, it’s going to be impossible to know what they’re doing and who they are with every minute of the day. Gut instinct will be the key, if you think he doesn’t deserve your trust or he’s acting suspiciously, move on, there is no way a long distance relationship will ever work if you cannot trust each other.

The most important thing for me is can you really make the long distance relationship work? Are you patient enough to understand that while friends and people around you may be settling down and moving on with their lives, you’re going to be back and forth only seeing each other for a limited number of days per year until you come to a decision as to where your future is? You can only visit each other so much as your job, and your bank balance permits. At some point, one of you is going to have to give up your life in your own country and move away from your friends, family , job and everything you’ve ever known, it’s inevitable and is the only way forward, eventually.

This brings us to the issue of visas. Depsite what everyone thinks, visas to the UK are not easy to obtain, if you are unwilling to try to settle in Turkey, be prepared for a long battle to get your Turkish partner to the UK, it’s not something to take lightly, it’s a long, hard process and the stress can be enough to split couples up.

There are also cultural differences, and religion pays a large part in some circumstances too.  Is he Muslim? Will he expect you to give up certain things? Will he expect you to be a stay at home mum/housewife? Is he willing to let go of some of his more traditional Turkish cultural values, and are you willing to give up some of yours? Can you come to a compromise?

If both of you are willing to make it work and put in the effort as well as having the patience, trust, understanding and communication, your relationship may well turn into something wonderful. If not, enjoy it for what it is and move on, either way you’ll have great memories.

Just another day in Fethiye..

Off we went to Fethiye again today, Berkay wanted his hair cut and we decided to stop off for chicken doner for lunch too!1238891_10152193543368776_90377668_n

4tl, bargain. Perfect with the chips in too. Probably not too healthy having half  a loaf of bread in one sitting but hey, who can resist when it tastes so good and is just as cheap, if not cheaper than cooking a meal at home?

We went for another walk around our favourite place in Fethiye again too. I love the fountains and the topiary in all shapes and sizes… all very pretty! Of course we had another little mini photo-shoot, I never go anywhere without my iPod camera! I LOVE my iPod.
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I like the clock tower too, it has the names of a few cities and shows the current times in each location, London, Moscow, Berlin and of course Turkey! The temperature read 39 oC , I’m not sure if that was the actual temperature or just in direct sunlight, but it certainly felt like 39 oC was a true representation, it was absolutely boiling! We resorted to walking around Migros for 10 minutes to use the aircon and cool down, that turned out to be a bad idea as we got distracted by the goodies and spent 35tl on some shopping.. Oops.
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The park was nearly empty, which meant we could have some fun taking silly photos without looking stupid.. but it’s sad that more tourists don’t come into the main town of Fethiye and see this place, they’re missing out.
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An afternoon at the beach..

I always used to think how odd it looked when Turkish families rocked up to the beach in the height of summer, fully clothed with rugs, cushions and pots and pans in tow to enjoy a full on family feast. Today I realised I have become one of these people.

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My level of Turkish-ness definitely peaked today. I wanted to for a swim with Berkay and thought it would be nice to take some food along with us, I found myself marinating some chicken breast in Nandos sauce (we’re addicted to it) at 6am this morning, ready to cook in the oven before we went this afternoon. We ended up taking the chicken, some pasta and salad all nicely stored in saucepans and old ice-cream tubs and shoved in my bag… along with towels, a blanket, 2 cushions, plates, cutlery, a bottle of coke and the trusty salt pot.540683_10152190349198776_1918048497_n God knows what the tourists thought, Calis Beach was pretty busy with bikini clad sun worshiping tourists, and there we were, walking along trying to find an empty spot to set up our little feast. We did find a fairly quiet spot luckily.

It was lovely, but by the time we had walked 20 minutes in the 38 degree heat and were sweaty, hot and bothered, we weren’t all that hungry and couldn’t finish it all. Boncuk was grateful for the leftovers for dinner though!
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After a little mini photo-shoot (I am way too snap happy, 7000 photos taken on my iPod in just 5 months..) we had a little swim, the sea is still lovely and warm at this time of year, perfect.
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We had time for a quick walk and hugs with Boncuk before Berkay went to work too, isn’t this photo adorable? True love 🙂
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Yogurt with dinner? ..

Hands up who has a Turkish friend, relative or partner who insists on eating yogurt with main meals? Berkay loves it, the sight and thought of it honestly makes me gag, there is just something about eating plain yogurt with dinner that is wrong to me, yogurt is for dessert! Berkay eats it with fish, chicken, pasta.. you name it. The other day he had a big bowl full with his omlette and chips!
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It’s so funny to me, I just can’t get my head around it.
Do you like it? Did you ever think to try it before?

Apologies for the short post today, was out at a friend’s house til late and I’m so tired. I think a long post is due.. perhaps I’ll write one tomorrow. (:

Winter in Fethiye..

It’s starting to get dark at 7.30pm, it doesn’t get light until gone 6.30am and I no longer need the fan on to sleep at night! Winter is on it’s way.

As I mentioned in my worst things about living in Turkey post, winter is cold. Very cold. It always surprises people when I say that, some people assume the resorts are warm and sunny all year…Wrong! But I do love winter, it’s a totally different atmosphere.

When the scores of tourists have gone home and only the locals stay in resort, Calis Beach is like a ghost town. We get full reign of the beach and can let Boncuk off her lead for a big run around. Everyone wears layers, the rain pours down and its not unusual to be guided to the toilet by candlelight during a storm. These are some photos from last winter.
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My grandparents bought me and Berkay onesies for Christmas, they were well used and well loved throughout January and February, the coldest months here in Fethiye. We often ate dinner inside wearing coats AND our onesies, no insulated walls or double glazing in my house!
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5-6 months of bright, clear blue skies and then this happens.. rain and black clouds. It doesn’t rain here like it rains in England, it never just spits a little, when it rains, it rains, full on thunderstorms that shake the building. I LOVE it!

It gets icy too…
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The weather may be colder, but the views are still as beautiful. I love seeing the snowy mountains in the distance, so pretty. When Babadağ (the mountain on the left, the one closest to Fethiye and where all the paragliders jump off during summer) gets dusted with snow, you know its really cold!
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We drove through the mountains on the right in December to travel to Antalya airport…
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The best thing about winter? The silent, peaceful, tourist free beaches. The perfect spot to watch the sunset. Winter sunsets are the best.
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Cake, wonky buildings & parks..

We went to Fethiye today, mainly to pay the internet, electric and phone bills since it was pay day yesterday, but of course we took a few little detours.

First we went to Mercan Pastanesi, our favourite dessert place. They have amazing cakes, pastries and baklava. Today I went for the strawberry cheesecake and Berkay had baklava and icecream.  So yummy!
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Next, after paying bills, we went for a little wander along Fethiye harbour and through the ‘new’ square and park. It’s a year old now, where did that time go?!

Everytime we walk past, this sight never fails to amaze me. How it is safe or practical to live there I really have no idea, imagine sitting inside with a glass of drink or bowl of soup resting on the table.. it would all tip out, everything must be so crooked inside. The building has become more and more slanted over the years, I think it got significantly worse after last year’s earthquake too. It just sits wedged in by the surrounding apartments now, it’s only a matter of time though, I don’t think it’s safe at all. 
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Then we just carried on walking through the park, but stopped when we got to the playground as we had to catch the last bus that goes past our house at 18.30. It is beautiful with the fountains turned on and is really clean. I love the statues too.
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Sometimes I wish I was a kid again so I could take full advantage !

Boncuk’s new home..

Since it’s getting cooler and winter will soon be on it’s way, we decided to get Boncuk a new kennel today (pay day, woo!) It’s second hand from the vet but looks new and was a good deal! 150 lira, paying in two installments.

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It took us ages to position it right so it would be shaded and secure, it is super heavy! I think we’ll need to cover it with something to make it completely waterproof, we’ll find something.
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Boncuk is a happy doggy, it’s so much more satisfying spending wages on her than ourselves, oops!

Worst things about living in Turkey…

Following on from my best things about living in Turkey post, here are a few of the not-so-good things. Life isn’t all rainbows and butterflies here.

1. Weather.
Sure, 5 months of the summer may be guaranteed sunshine, and we’re all grateful for the rain when it comes in November time, one thing that isn’t really prepared for the cold, wet weather though, is the houses. Turkish houses are designed for the summer, to keep the heat out, the walls are not insulated, the floors are often concrete or tiled, and the windows are not double glazed, it is extremely rare to find central heating too. Our house has real issues dealing with the rain, as you can see from the photo I will post below. When it rains, it really does rain, full of thunderstorms and bucket loads of the wet stuff, I think it’s impossible for it to just drizzle in Fethiye. The rain leaks through our roof and windows, and our windows and doors are all drafty so when it’s deep into winter, in January time, it really is freezing. Last January the thermometer on my balcony read -2 degrees on a few occasions, I remember walking along and finding frozen puddles and my dog’s water bowl iced over. We don’t have heating, some homes have a soba (a wood burner) which is fairly efficient at heating rooms, but all we have is an electric ‘UFO’ heater, this really uses a ton of electricity, so we only turn it on for a few minutes at a time to take the edge off (proud to say our electric bill has never been more than 60tl!) Honestly, I’m not a fan of it anyway, we just wear our coats inside, layers and blankets, it does the job and it feels so cosy. Last year my grandparents bought us a couple of onesies for Christmas, boy did they come in handy! (: It’s currently 01.25 and 29 degrees outside… -2 oC and snuggling up in a onesie sounds like heaven right now.
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2. Electricity, water & plumbing.
This is probably one of the most irritating things about living here, but it has gotten a lot better over the years, at least in this area. There are often power cuts, during the infamous thunderstorms, a drop of rain and the electricity goes out in whole towns, always fun having to use a torch or iPod backlight to see what you’re doing! We learnt our lesson the hard way and always unplug electricals during storms now, once we left the internet modem plugged in and a power surge melted the whole thing. I don’t think electricity is the safest out here either. There are often times throughout both summer and winter where planned power cuts take place, as well as the water supply being turned off for maintenance work or because of reservoir issues. Nothing more irritating than having no water to flush the toilet or have a shower with for hours (or days) on end during the height of summer..stinky. The plumbing isn’t the best and it’s not advised to flush toilet paper as it causes blockages.

3. Not speaking the language.
I can understand a fair amount of Turkish, my issue is not being able to speak or write it. If I hear a word I can often recognise it but won’t be able to relay it back later, I think a lot of it has to do with confidence. My life here would be totally different if i could speak the language, because as I cant, I rely on Berkay for everything. When we’re with friends I’m sure I seem rude as I can’t join in conversation, I also feel isolated and left out when they’re all talking and often feel like I shouldn’t be there. This is my own fault though.

4. Driving.
Anyone who’s visited will know what I mean, no explanation needed. A lot of Turkish people drive like maniacs, even the transfer buses along the edge of huge mountain roads, taxi’s, dolmus drivers. They drive like lunatics, rarely, if ever, wearing seat-belts, and quite often with a cigarette in one hand and a phone in the other. These things are illegal but happen far too much.

5. No concept of health and safety.
Following on from the above… Turkish people seem to have no health and safety concerns, ever. Just a few of the gem’s I’ve seen.. People driving in cars with young babies on their laps, people putting their babies in carseats (rare!) yet not strapping the baby in to the seat, or the seat into the car. A whole 4 person family plus a giant water bottle and a watermelon all sat driving along on a moped, all with no helmets or bike gear on. People building houses with no safety equipment or hardhats. Here is a photo of my neighbour painting his house.. no comment.
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6. Litter.
I don’t know about other areas but in Calis/Fethiye the litter is disgusting. We live on a main road and people must just drive along in their cars and throw rubbish out, cigarette packets, beer bottles, water bottles, food packets, nappies, everything. The bushes near my house are full of other people’s rubbish. It’s disgusting. If we wander down to the beach in winter on a Sunday after all the locals have been out for their weekly BBQ picnic, all we see are coals, bits of chicken bones, packets, smashed beer bottles and other things far too disgusting to mention. Of course my dog finds them all. I don’t know how people pride themselves in keeping their home’s clean yet have no respect for the environment.

7. Animal cruelty.
I don’t know whether it’s because they cannot afford pets, but a lot of Turkish people see dogs and cats as no more than a nuisance. We have a dog, but she isn’t allowed inside because our landlord thinks her fur is unclean…We had a rabbit but that wasn’t allowed inside for the same reasons. In general, a lot of Turkish people don’t respect cats and dogs at all. Often people will take in dogs when they are puppies and dump them back on the streets when they are no longer cute, or when they are no longer of any benefit (restaurants often take in dogs for the summer to attract tourists then ditch them when they close for winter). There are some good animal shelters around but the problem is far too large. I’m a huge animal lover and have bought canned food or given our leftovers to street dogs and cats before, at the beginning of the season we found three kittens, two of which were very poorly and took them to the vet. Sadly, there’s not much we can do, other than take a few into our own homes. I know several fellow expats who have 5+ dogs living in their homes as they just can’t bare to see them on the streets. I have heard far too many times that street dogs, or even people’s pets have been poisoned by pathetic excuses for human beings, who leave poison down. I have also known people, including my neighbour, shoot dogs on their land for fear they were going to eat their chickens. There really is no excuse for it.

8. Smoking.
I’m not against it, each to their own, but so many people smoke here it is impossible to walk down the street without walking into a cloud of smoke somewhere.

9. Running around.
The amount of running around it takes to do simple tasks is a real inconvenience. Doing anything official involves running around to several offices getting tons of papers signed and stamped by tons of people in offices miles apart from each other.. renewing residency, getting a new passport, starting a new job.. even going to the bank takes careful planning as they are only open for a few hours a day (oh how I wish Berkay worked in a bank!) On top of all this, the contradicting information you hear is ridiculous, very often the right hand really doesn’t know what the left is doing.

Reading this, I notice I have a few more negative points about living here than I do good (see best things about living here ) It’s always much easier to find negatives though, isn’t it? We take things for granted. These negative things are more just annoying inconveniences though. None of these things would make me want to move away from the country.. the only thing that is really a huge problem for us is the following:

10. Wages.
I’m sure people don’t realise, but a lot of Turkish people get paid pennies for very long hours at work. In big cities with people working professional jobs, I’m not so sure, but I do know that teachers are not all that well paid either. For those of us who work in, or who have partners who work in tourism, it really sucks. Berkay currently gets paid 1450tl in summer, this is the most he has ever earned (he got a pay rise this year, woo!) This is £483 a month, for 15 hour days, and no days off, roughly £1 an hour. This is ridiculous for the amount of work he does and the cost of living here. Despite what people think, the cost of living is not cheap (a post to come about that soon..) But he is lucky, some people only earn commission. In winter, Berkay does not have a guaranteed job, as most other people in the tourism industry, he has to walk around from door to door in winter asking if they need any new staff, the past two years he has been lucky and found work in hotels, both times only earning 750tl a month. £250. No days off, 18 hour days (how is it possible he works longer in winter than summer, I have no idea, but he does). I can tell you that it is almost impossible to live off £250 a month in Turkey, we don’t have any luxuries, besides internet (that’s where i draw the line!), yet cannot afford to live off that. Last winter his boss didn’t even pay him for two months, so we had nothing to live off, bosses take the p*ss in winter because they know their staff cannot afford to leave jobs that are very hard to find, they also know that as soon as someone walks out of the door, an equally as desperate person will walk straight in.
Last year we got ourselves into debt with friends and owed the local shop money as we bought food on a ‘pay-later’ promise. We spent the first few months of the summer paying back money owed from winter, and as a result have no money saved for this winter either. Vicious circle. Even if I were working here, illegally, for the same wages and same hours, we would never see each other, no days off, no holidays and still only have pennies to spare.

This is the one, big issue for us about living in Turkey, as long as we’re here we will never be able to move forward, never be able to save, marry, have kids. I think people moving here expect it to be like one big holiday , which it really is not. Once you’ve lived here for a few months, you really see the bigger picture and the real life problems that people face.

As always, I can only speak from my experience of living in Fethiye. I hope I don’t come across as too negative, I am just being honest. As mentioned in previous posts, I consider myself lucky to live here, there are many, many positives.

What are the worst things about living in Turkey for you?