Jobs are like buses..

Posted on February 7, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

You wait around ages for one then 3 come along at once … quite literally!!

Berkay quit his job mid January, and was struggling to find work with hotels not wanting anyone outside of the tourist season.. His luck changed last week when a hotel in Fethiye called him asking him to start the next day, he said yes, but just before he was due to start, the restuarant he was at before Christmas called him wanting him back, pay was less but they provided his transport so it worked out around the same.. he took that job and was there for 3 days when his summer boss called and asked him to start working in their sister hotel, which is open all year around. Berkay couldn’t believe his luck! He knows this boss well and works with him every summer so he knows he is guaranteed to be paid unlike last winter when he worked for 2 months without a penny being handed over..

So now Berkay is working in Vizon hotel in Fethiye’s main town centre. It’s a very Turkish hotel, it’s rare any other nationalities visit, it’s not touristy at all. He’s happy there and gets along well with the other staff who he’s known for over 7 years. I’m so pleased he finally has a job so he can start earning and saving, the best part is they’re letting him have 3 weeks holiday to come back to the UK in March/April so he has a guaranteed job when he returns too. Phew.

It’s not just Berkay that’s been having luck on the job front, I finally have a start date for the job I’ve been promised since the beginning of January, I’m starting on Monday and pleased that this is the first step of a very, very long journey towards getting Berkay here for good ~~hopefully.~~

In other news… My little doggy Boncuk has a boyfriend! His name is Maxi and he lives near where Berkay stays. Maxi and Boncuk used to ‘talk’ to each other through the gate, and when Berkay opened it to let him in the other day, they shared a little kiss 😉

Look how happy my fur baby looks ❤

I’m missing Turkey a lot lately, but Berkay is keeping me updated with photos.
7 weeks time and he will be back here! Can’t wait.

and the winner is…

Posted on February 1, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

The winner of the little giveaway is….

Pauline!

Congratulations Pauline (no last name provided!) I have sent an email to the email address given when you commented 🙂 Please reply with your address so I can get it sent out to you on Monday.

All 51 names were entered into this random name picker, so it was all decided fairly.

Sorry to everyone else, but thanks for entering and reading! 🙂 If you’re interested, I found the book on amazon here for cheaper than I actually paid for this one… I have ordered one for myself, it’s fab! 🙂

Looking to do another giveaway once I reach 100,000 views, I have a few ideas! 😉

xxx

A little thankyou giveaway..

Posted on January 29, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

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As a little token of my appreciation, I have decided to do a little giveaway to celebrate hitting 70,000 views..

Don’t get too excited, it’s nothing amazing like a free flight to Turkey…. I wish!! While out shopping today I bought this little Turkish phrase book & audio CD. It’s worth £7.99, and one of you can win it totally for free. Great for learning phrases to impress friends, family or even just to make the locals smile when you surprise them with your Turkish while on your holidays. It is brand new, CD still sealed inside. I have only opened it to take photos, and am now actually wishing I got one for myself too!

All you need to do to be entered is comment on this blog post, by just scrolling down and clicking ”leave a reply’. Only people who comment on THIS post directly, and not via Facebook or anywhere else, will be entered. The giveaway will end on Saturday 1st February and a winner chosen using a random number generator. It’s only open to people in the UK and Ireland unfortunately, as postage costs would be too high with no guarantee of it reaching safely elsewhere, sorry.

A little disclaimer too, I paid for this with my own money, it was not given to me. I also earn no money at all from my blog, I do not get paid per view or receive any income from adverts, I blog entirely for fun, and just wanted to do a tiny giveaway to say a huge thanks for helping me reach 70,000 views, something I am very proud of.

Good luck and thank you all once again.
❤ ❤ ❤

70,000 views!

Posted on January 29, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

Yesterday this blog hit 70,000 views, I’m sure there are blogs out there that achieve this in days, or hours, but for little old me to get 70,000 views it is a big achievement.

I’m amazed that so many people are interested in what I have to say. Anyone who knows me knows I am a very shy person, and I rarely express my true feelings or emotions, even around friends and family. Creating this blog provided the perfect opportunity for me to get my thoughts down in words, to express myself in another way.

I started the blog to show people how I found life as an expat in Turkey, I’m well aware of the opinions people have of girls who live in Turkey, I’ve had comments made to me, from strangers, friends and family, about it being one big holiday, and I was determined to show that this is not the case at all. I wanted to show real life and real struggles, I wanted to prove my life wasn’t one big holiday paid for my mum and dad, it was a day to day struggle but also a wonderful, life changing experience. When I moved back to the UK, the purpose of my blog changed slightly, and it was more a personal diary, a way of expressing my feelings and a way to deal with the separation of being away from Berkay. I want my blog to continue to show my journey, my thoughts, feeling and opinions, for it to be somewhere I am free to say simply what I am thinking.

I have had so, so much support from people I don’t even know, strangers have commented that my blog posts have made them cry, made them smile, the amount of comments I got when me and Berkay were reunited in December, and equally the amount of comments I got when he returned home again, were amazing. People have commented that they feel they are on a journey with me, they feel they know me even though we have never met, nor even spoken. I am so thankful for the words of support I have had from strangers, I am truely amazed that so many people care about what I have to say, since I am a girl of few words in ‘real life’.

Thank you all so much for reading, liking, sharing and commenting.
❤

Calis is changing!

Posted on January 27, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

Even though I’m no longer living there, I still like to see what’s going on in Calis Beach and Fethiye, so Berkay is keeping me updated with photos.

Last Summer, the area opposite Sevi hotel, next to Nokta market and behind the bus stop, was bare, dusty and covered in litter and general mess. When I left at the end of September, they had just started to tidy up the area and were putting paving stones down. I was intrigued to see what they were doing, and it turns out they were making a little park, complete with play area, mini excerise park, benches and fountains, a much smaller version of the new-ish park in Fethiye along the seafront. Berkay showed me on skype and has sent me photos, I think it’s his new favourite spot to walk the dog! It looks like a lovely place to sit, I do think it’s in a bit of a strange location though. I hope it stays tidy and looking lovely, and I’m sure it will be popular with tourists in summer, if they are staying around that area. It looks a million times better than it did before anyway, it was literally just an area of nothing.

Boncuk seems to be enjoying the new park area! The photo on the right shows the location of the new park, with Grand Vizon hotel in the background.

Another big change to Calis that I’ve been keeping up to date with involves the canal. Diggers turned up one day and started tidying up and breaking down the edges, in order to make it all wider. These photos arent the best (check out the colour of that water, a mixture of heavy rain and all the work theyre doing has turned it brown!!) but you can tell the difference if you know what it used to look like, it certainly is a lot wider now! One side of the bridge near the taxi boats has already been widened and has a wall built up, it appears as if they may be building a walkway down along the canal, which will make a real difference, it used to have thick reeds and trees and dangerous looking steps going down to the sides, I always wondered how people managed to get down there safely to fish!

Can’t wait til I get back there to visit in the summer so I can see it all completed and find out what other changes I’ve been missing out on !

Catching up with Berkay & Boncuk..

Posted on January 26, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

It’s been 3 weeks tomorrow since Berkay went back to Turkey, but it seems like so much longer. The day after he returned he found a job, but quit after a week or so because he was only earning £6.40 a day for 13-15 hours work and he was getting frustrated as the greedy boss was taking all of Berkay’s tips off him. When you’re earning so little, tips make all the difference, it could double his wages.

He’s been walking around all the hotels in Calis and in Fethiye trying to find work, but no luck as of yet, nobody needs staff in winter as most of the hotels are closed, and the ones that remain open are quiet enough that they do not need to employ any new people. All I can say is that it is a good job I’m not there this winter as we wouldn’t survive, no way could we find enough money to even pay rent, without even thinking about bills, food and other costs. Berkay is struggling himself, relying on friends to make him dinner and bring him food as he has zero money himself. It’s difficult for people here to understand, my Dad was moaning because I paid for Berkay’s upcoming flight to the UK in March and he thinks he should be paying for it himself, when that’s not even an option. If I don’t pay, I won’t see him, simple. Sure, at the moment Berkay doesn’t have to pay rent or electric bills, but phone, food and general day to day costs, buses, water, dog food… It all adds up, and earning £6.40 a day for a week hardly gave him an opportunity to save. He is doing his best to find work though, and is waiting for one hotel to call him back, it sounded promising!

I’ve got a feeling this summer will be hard too, with the strength of the lira weakening meaning prices in tourist resorts will increase, while wages most definitely will not.

Anyway, the time off work means Berkay has been spending a lot more time with Boncuk, and has been taking her for nice winter walks along the beach, he managed to get food for her on a ‘pay later’ promise, so she’s well fed and happy. She loves staying in the hotel and being free to roam around while its closed, we are unsure where she will be able to stay in Summer though. She’s due her yearly booster vaccinations now, so Berkay is trying to get that sorted too, luckily he has a friend who knows a vet, so no doubt they’ll be on a ‘pay later’ promise too. Getting into debt for Boncuk is worth it, of course. (:

This dog is Boncuk’s friend. It lives near the hotel and comes to the fence to say hello to her, Berkay let it into the hotel grounds today and let them have a little play off the lead together. Bless.
Berkay has also been spending a lot of time with friends, they often go fishing together hoping to catch some dinner! They are a lovely couple, we often went for BBQ’s together when I lived there, I have done a few posts involving them in the past. Their little boy, Çınar , is over a year old now, bless him. Berkay took this little monster dressing gown back for him from the UK after Christmas. Seeing how big he has got really makes me realise how much things are changing and how long I’ve been away. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday I lived there, sometimes it seems like forever.

Back to the Village..

Posted on January 12, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

Berkay received a call from his brother a few days ago to tell him that his step-mum was ill, so he got on the next coach to his hometown of Beyağaç, Denizli to visit.

Fethiye to Denizli is a 5 hour bus ride, and then it’s a futher 1 and a half hours on a small dolmus from Denizli to the very remote town of Beyağaç, which has a population of less than 7000.

It’s a very traditional Turkish town, it is not at all modernised. Berkay’s family live in a small ground level house, it’s very basic, no luxuries, they don’t even have beds, just floor cushions. They have farmland and own 19 cows, 23 sheep and lots of chickens, which they keep for milk, cheese, eggs and meat. It is a very different way of life to what I am used to.

Some of the youngest cows are only a few days old, so cute. The photo on the left is Berkay’s step-mum, who is thankfully feeling much better now. .I love this photo on the right, who has a baby cow sitting in their garden beside their motorbike? Berkay’s family do 🙂

I have visited the village twice, and absolutely hated it. The main reason is because of just how traditional they are, and how alien I am to them, as a ‘ yabancı’ (foreigner). Both times we visited I wore modest clothes, jeans or a skirt with long leggings, socks, and a top that covered my shoulders, boobs and belly, yet I still looked like an outcast because quite literally every single other person was wearing ‘village pants’ .. the typical flowery type, and headscarves. Whereas people in Fethiye are normally mistaking me for a native Turk due to my skin colour, the people in Beyağaç were staring at me as if I had two heads, and they weren’t shy about it, I felt like I was in a zoo cage with hundreds of people staring and giggling at me. Another thing I found very difficult to cope with was the way the men and women were so segregated. Within the house, the roles of men and women were clearly defined. men outside sitting at tables smoking, women inside preparing food and cay. There was no mixing or conversation between men and women, they weren’t even allowed to sit in the same room. This was really horrible for me, as I couldn’t understand nor speak Turkish, and I was sat in a room full of people who couldn’t communicate with me either, add this to the staring they were doing and I became very paranoid!

Berkay rarely visits his family as he had a tough childhood and as a result, isn’t close to any of them. Berkay’s real mother left him when he was 28days old and moved elsewhere with his dad, temporarily, then they moved back to Denizli and had his brother. His mum then, again, abandoned his brother and left his dad. Berkay was being bought up by his grandparents, whom he adored. When his grandad sadly died, Berkay had to move back to his dad. His dad then remarried and had another son. When Berkay was just 15, his dad sent him away to Fethiye to attend school. He sent him with no food, no money, nothing. Berkay lived on the streets for a while until he met someone who took him in. He attended school and got a job, the money from which was all sent back to his dad. One month Berkay kept the money to pay bills, and his dad made the 6 hour journey to Fethiye to attack him and get the money for himself. Needless to say, their relationship does not exist now. They never speak and only see each other if there is a family death or special occasion. Berkay is quite close to his brothers still, but he is definitely the ‘black sheep’ of the family.

How someone can go through such a tough childhood and still be such a caring, kind, loving person I don’t know.

Anyway, thankfully Berkay’s step-mum is well again, and he is already back in Fethiye now. When he told me he was going to visit, I asked him to take tons of photos, so I could share how different his hometown is, he seems to have only taken photos of the animals, he knows I’m a sucker for animals! (:

2013 – A year in pictures – Part 2.

Posted on January 11, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

To carry on from part one, here are the rest of my favourite ‘moments’ of 2013 captured on camera.

July

July marked our 3 year anniversary, although it feels like we’ve been together so much longer. The first photo was taken on July 8th, our actual anniversary, and the second was taken a few days later when my Mum and aunt came to visit. This is one of my favourite photos of us ever.

The first is a photo of my aunt, me and mum during their holiday. I stayed at their apartment the whole week and it was great to spend time with them. Me and Berkay enjoyed making use of the pool again!

I don’t know why, but I really love this photo of me, I look so happy. This was after a freak summer rain storm and the clouds made for a pretty sunset. The second photo was taken after my family had gone home and me and Berkay had gone to the beach for a picnic. We were surrounded by half dressed tourists sunbathing and we rocked up fully clothed with our pots, pans and plates.

The height of summer was tough for Boncuk too, she was far too hot and enjoyed ice-lollies every once in a while to cool her down, such a spoilt little doggy. The photo on the right was taken during one of our long walks where we let Boncuk run off the lead and have some fun with her ball, she was more interested in giving us hugs though.

August

The little fella on the left was my little buddy. Whenever I was alone in our house at night when Berkay was at work, he’d come out and I’d see him running across the walls, he even slept in my shoe once. He was a little scary, but quite cute, too. The photo on the right is me with our friends little boy who was 10 months old at the time, we quite regularly went on barbeque picnics with them at little bays around Fethiye.

These two photos were taken in Dalyan when me and Berkay had a rare day out. I’d always wanted to go and when we decided I was moving back to the UK, we thought we best make the most of our last few weeks together. The lake was so calm before the rush of tourist boats arrived. It was beautiful. I had some fun in the mud bath, Berkay wasn’t brave enough to cope with the smell and jump in though!

Look how tanned we are in these photos! Both photos taken during one of our daily dog walks. I miss just spending time walking with them both.

Whenever we’d sit down for a rest during the walk, Boncuk would come straight over and jump on us for a cuddle. Soppy little thing ❤

September

September was tough. These photos were all taken before I returned to the UK. We took photos at every opportunity when we realised our time was running out together. They were all taken during our daily walk with Boncuk. We’d go up to the top of the hill and sit down and look over Calis and our house. Boncuk would play with her ball and come and give us hugs and it was so lovely to get away from the busy tourist areas or the noisy roads. It was our special place and it was so peaceful.

Sitting on our balcony playing this game ‘tri-ominos’ was another of our favourite things to do, such a simple thing, but something that I really do miss. The second photo is one of the last photos I have of the 3 of us and I love it to bits. This was a couple of days before I returned to England.

These two photos were taken during our little minibreak to Gumbet, Bodrum. They were the only 2 days Berkay had off during the whole of the summer and we wanted the time away together before I had to return to the UK. It was lovely to get away for a few days and forget that I would be leaving soon. The view from the rooftop terrace of our hotel was beautiful.

This is another of my favourite photos of myself, I was just so happy to be in Fethiye right at that moment. When I realised I was leaving I really did realise how much I took for granted about Fethiye and appreciated it so much more.

The photo on the left shows just how much Berkay and Boncuk love each other, a dog really is man’s best friend. The photo on the right is special too, one of the last walks we went on together and we just sat down on the beach watching the waves, even Boncuk looked like she was looking out to sea with deep thoughts going on in her head.

October

The best thing about coming back to the UK was being reunited with my 2 year old sister, Abbie. She’s just adorable and we’re really close. I love looking after her and we’re like best friends 🙂 The photos on the right are in a frame right above my bed. Dad put the frame there purposely so that all my most favourite memories could be above my head while I’m dreaming. ❤

October meant Halloween, and I spent ages carving this Peppa Pig pumpkin, I told myself it was for my sister but I got a lot of enjoyment out of it, I think it turned out pretty good for a first time effort! The second photo is my mums dog, although he’s not nearly as lovely as my Boncuk, he’s a good second best, and a real funny thing.

November

Only one photo needed for November, after weeks of planning, panicking and worry, Berkay got his visit visa to the UK so that we could spend Christmas together. It was such a relief.. Knowing when I would see him again made being apart just that little bit easier.

December

By far the happiest moment of December was this first photo. This was literally 2 minutes after Berkay had appeared through the Gatwick arrivals door on 16th Decemember, it was the first time I’d seen him since September 26th. The second photo was taken around Christmas.

The last two photos of 2013, taken in London a few days before the end of the year. I love how these photos turned out, how good does Berkay look standing next to Big Ben? Personally I think it’s proof he belongs in England! (;

2013 was a good year, lots of memories, good and bad. Here’s hoping 2014 will be full of the same.
I’ll keep my camera by my side at all times and do my best to capture all those precious moments.

2013 – A year in pictures – Part 1.

Posted on January 11, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

The start of a new year always has us reminiscing about the previous one doesn’t it? I was looking back over all my Instagram photos of the year, and realised I had captured a lot of special moments. People are always commenting about how ‘snap-happy’ I am and that I take far too many photos of pointless, trivial things…but, if I’ve learnt anything this year it’s that sometimes those pointless trivial things mean the most.
It was hard to narrow it down to just a few photos for each month, but here are my favourite moment-capturing photos of 2013.

January

How cute and smiley does our little Boncuk look here? Such a happy puppy, and she was so tiny back then. I love the photo of us purely because of how cold we look- notice my hoodie and coat.. It was freezing.

Love both of these photos as it reminds me how quiet and peaceful Calis Beach is during winter when no tourists are around..lovely calm seas and beautiful sunsets.

February

Two stunning photos of the beach. The first is my favourite, winter is definitely the best time for beautiful sunsets in Calis.

This was the view from my balcony on a very cold winter morning, just look at that snow on the mountain, when Babadağ gets snowy, you know it really is cold. The photo of Boncuk makes me smile, I love her flappy ears. Can’t believe how much she has grown.

March

The first photo was during a Fethiyespor game, we got free tickets and really enjoyed it, and the team won too! Look at the beautiful backdrop of mountains, it was such a beautiful place to watch a game of football, the first real hot day of the year too, and I got a totally sunburnt face. The second photo was from a really lovely Spring day, we went to the beach and had a little picnic, then went for long walk and on the way back home bumped into these gorgeous baby goats who belonged to my landlord. Being a big animal lover, I couldn’t resist picking one up for a hug!

These last two photos are sad, as they were from one of the last times I saw my rabbit, she died when I was in England in April. Poor little bunny<3

April

We both visited England for a month in April. These two photos were taken on my 21st birthday (as if the hat didn’t give it away), we celebrated with all my family and a few close friends. My cake was lovely and had photos of all my loved ones around the sides.
The first photo makes me laugh so much, me & Berkay took my little brother and sister to London Zoo, and as you can tell, Berkay was less than impressed by the pigs. Classic photo. The other is me and my sister just after her 2nd birthday, no wonder saying bye to her everytime I returned to Turkey was always hard, look how adorable she is!

May

Our two good friends got married in April but had their wedding party in May, it was my first time attending a Turkish wedding, it was interesting to say the least, but the bride looked beautiful. The second photo is one of my favourite photos of us, look at those smiles and happy eyes.

I love how happy Boncuk looks playing with her ball here, bouncing along after a long walk and a swim in the sea.

These photos are what I mean by ‘everyday trivial things’. Both taken on my balcony, the first is the beautiful view I had when I would sit outside at 5am watching the sun rise, the silhouette of the mountain.. just stunning. The second is one of the things I really miss the most, just sitting on the balcony having a barbeque. We used to have at least one a week, often more. Such a simple thing, but something that I really, really miss just doing together with Berkay.

June

Lots of happy moments in June. The first photo is just one of those moments that always makes me smile, it’s my little dog chasing two huge camels.. bless her, she likes to act hard but when the camel turned around to look at her she came running back to us. The second is from a lovely day when we had breakfast along the seafront in Fethiye town. It was an open buffet with everything you could ever want as part of a Turkish breakfast, it was delicious and the glass of cay finished it off nicely. What better place to have breakfast, so close to the sea and beautiful scenery.

These two photos were taken during a Sunday picnic with our friends at a quiet bay in Fethiye. We had a barbeque picnic and a lovely swim..the view on the way back to Fethiye town was stunning.

One of the reasons we have lots of lovely memories from June is because my Nan and Grandad came to visit. I spent a lot of time at their apartment with them and made full use of the pool and aircon, luxuries that we didn’t have at our house. I love the first photo of us all on their last night in one of our favourite restaurants in Calis, look at all those smiling faces.

While my grandparents were here we visited Yakapark (left) and Oludeniz (right). We have some lovely photos there, but these two of me and Berkay are my favourite.

Click here for part 2, July – December.

Saying Goodbye..

Posted on January 6, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

Yesterday was the day I’ve been dreading since he arrived, we had to take Berkay to the airport and wave him off on his flight back to Turkey.

We woke up early, had breakfast and got ready, then Berkay went into my little sister’s room to kiss her goodbye. She really loves having him here and he loves her too, so that was sad. He said bye to my stepmum, then me, Berkay, my dad and brother got in the car ready to go.

That 50 minute journey to the airport was the longest. It’s a horrible feeling knowing you’re time together is running out, and theres nothing you can do to stop it. I felt so out of control.

We got to the airport, checked him in and went upstairs for a hot chocolate in the coffee shop. At this point, as awful as it sounds, I just wanted it to be over, I wanted him to go through departures and be on the other side of the airport, so that I could stop thinking about the goodbye we’d be facing, so that I could stop the urge to burst into tears and the aching in my stomach.

At about 10.40 we got up and took the short walk to the security gates, he had to scan his boarding pass to be let through. He shook Dad and Toby’s hand first, then gave them a hug, then it was my turn. We had a cuddle and shed a tear, and then he went, he blew me a kiss from the other side of the gate and then went around the corner. That was it, the point of no return.

When I moved back from living in Turkey, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I had to physically walk through those airport security gates, I had to physically stand up and walk away from Berkay and my life there, this time it was his turn, once he went through to security, there was no way I could get to him and drag him back for another hug, it was over and done with, he’d gone and there was nothing I could do about it, in a weird way that made it easier… for me at least.

I’ve never been on the other side of those gates at Gatwick before, it’s usually always me going off to Turkey and leaving my parents standing crying at the other side. It’s a horrible feeling. I should be used to goodbye’s by now, the past 3 years has been full of them. Saying goodbye to my family when I first moved to Turkey was hard, then having to say goodbye all over again everytime they came to visit. It was easier as I had Berkay with me to reassure me and make me feel better. This time I felt alone, even though I had family with me, I don’t like to really show my emotions around them.

When we came back home yesterday, I hardly spoke to anyone, I spent the whole day and night in my room, only coming out for dinner. That’s not helping, I know, but I don’t know what else to do, I don’t want to sit in a room full of people. I’m grateful I have family here, of course, but it’s just not the same without Berkay. I live in a house full of people, but I feel alone.

I was talking to friends yesterday and said I felt like someone had died, that’s all I can describe it as. ‘How do you know, what do you have to compare it to?’ They said. I don’t (Thank God), but that’s what I imagine it feels like. Sure, I can still get hold of him via text, facebook or skype pretty much whenever I want, but the physical presence isn’t here anymore. 48 hours ago he was sitting next to me in bed watching a film, now there’s an empty space. His side of the bed is empty, he has clothes left in the wardrobe, slippers by the door that belong to him, yet he’s not here to wear them, one less place at the dinner table. I miss the small things, having someone for company on the train, having someone next to me on the bus, having someone with me at the shops, helping me chose what to buy, waiting for me when I come home from work. When Berkay was here, he used to give me his loose change for my coffee on the way to work, it’s the small, cute things like that that I miss. I miss being able to escape to my room and still have someone here for company, to watch a film with, to listen to music with, to talk to. It really is like half of me is missing.

Berkay is coming back in 11 weeks time, just in time for mums wedding and my birthday. Sure, it’s something to look forward to, but it seems so far away. Im dreading going to bed everynight alone, waking up to realise im still alone and having to face another whole day the same way. I guess it will be easier once I’m back at work and have other things to keep me occupied. I know I’m lucky that Berkay’s visa was granted, I know many who have children and young babies who haven’t seen their dad’s for months, or years, because visa’s were not issued. I’m very grateful that he has been to England 5 times now, I know we are very lucky and have great photos and memories of all his times here, but that still doesn’t make it any easier.

Berkay landed back safely in Antalya last night, after taking off an hour late, and got the late bus back to Fethiye. It was a long journey but he had a lovely welcome by our dog, Boncuk, when he got there. At least someone is happy to see him back!

I’m sick of the ‘goodbyes’ and ‘see you laters’, always having to say bye to somebody, always missing somebody, always having to chose between being with family or Berkay, having to chose between what my head says (stay here, earn money and work towards a better life) or what my heart says (sod it all and move back to Berkay). I dream of the day we can all be in the same place long term and not have to spend our days dreading the next one. I suppose I just want my ‘happily ever after’.

“Even when someone is miles away, always remember that we are under the same sky, looking at the same sun, moon, and stars”