Calis is changing!

Posted on January 27, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

Even though I’m no longer living there, I still like to see what’s going on in Calis Beach and Fethiye, so Berkay is keeping me updated with photos.

Last Summer, the area opposite Sevi hotel, next to Nokta market and behind the bus stop, was bare, dusty and covered in litter and general mess. When I left at the end of September, they had just started to tidy up the area and were putting paving stones down. I was intrigued to see what they were doing, and it turns out they were making a little park, complete with play area, mini excerise park, benches and fountains, a much smaller version of the new-ish park in Fethiye along the seafront. Berkay showed me on skype and has sent me photos, I think it’s his new favourite spot to walk the dog! It looks like a lovely place to sit, I do think it’s in a bit of a strange location though. I hope it stays tidy and looking lovely, and I’m sure it will be popular with tourists in summer, if they are staying around that area. It looks a million times better than it did before anyway, it was literally just an area of nothing.

Boncuk seems to be enjoying the new park area! The photo on the right shows the location of the new park, with Grand Vizon hotel in the background.

Another big change to Calis that I’ve been keeping up to date with involves the canal. Diggers turned up one day and started tidying up and breaking down the edges, in order to make it all wider. These photos arent the best (check out the colour of that water, a mixture of heavy rain and all the work theyre doing has turned it brown!!) but you can tell the difference if you know what it used to look like, it certainly is a lot wider now! One side of the bridge near the taxi boats has already been widened and has a wall built up, it appears as if they may be building a walkway down along the canal, which will make a real difference, it used to have thick reeds and trees and dangerous looking steps going down to the sides, I always wondered how people managed to get down there safely to fish!

Can’t wait til I get back there to visit in the summer so I can see it all completed and find out what other changes I’ve been missing out on !

Catching up with Berkay & Boncuk..

Posted on January 26, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

It’s been 3 weeks tomorrow since Berkay went back to Turkey, but it seems like so much longer. The day after he returned he found a job, but quit after a week or so because he was only earning £6.40 a day for 13-15 hours work and he was getting frustrated as the greedy boss was taking all of Berkay’s tips off him. When you’re earning so little, tips make all the difference, it could double his wages.

He’s been walking around all the hotels in Calis and in Fethiye trying to find work, but no luck as of yet, nobody needs staff in winter as most of the hotels are closed, and the ones that remain open are quiet enough that they do not need to employ any new people. All I can say is that it is a good job I’m not there this winter as we wouldn’t survive, no way could we find enough money to even pay rent, without even thinking about bills, food and other costs. Berkay is struggling himself, relying on friends to make him dinner and bring him food as he has zero money himself. It’s difficult for people here to understand, my Dad was moaning because I paid for Berkay’s upcoming flight to the UK in March and he thinks he should be paying for it himself, when that’s not even an option. If I don’t pay, I won’t see him, simple. Sure, at the moment Berkay doesn’t have to pay rent or electric bills, but phone, food and general day to day costs, buses, water, dog food… It all adds up, and earning £6.40 a day for a week hardly gave him an opportunity to save. He is doing his best to find work though, and is waiting for one hotel to call him back, it sounded promising!

I’ve got a feeling this summer will be hard too, with the strength of the lira weakening meaning prices in tourist resorts will increase, while wages most definitely will not.

Anyway, the time off work means Berkay has been spending a lot more time with Boncuk, and has been taking her for nice winter walks along the beach, he managed to get food for her on a ‘pay later’ promise, so she’s well fed and happy. She loves staying in the hotel and being free to roam around while its closed, we are unsure where she will be able to stay in Summer though. She’s due her yearly booster vaccinations now, so Berkay is trying to get that sorted too, luckily he has a friend who knows a vet, so no doubt they’ll be on a ‘pay later’ promise too. Getting into debt for Boncuk is worth it, of course. (:

This dog is Boncuk’s friend. It lives near the hotel and comes to the fence to say hello to her, Berkay let it into the hotel grounds today and let them have a little play off the lead together. Bless.
Berkay has also been spending a lot of time with friends, they often go fishing together hoping to catch some dinner! They are a lovely couple, we often went for BBQ’s together when I lived there, I have done a few posts involving them in the past. Their little boy, Çınar , is over a year old now, bless him. Berkay took this little monster dressing gown back for him from the UK after Christmas. Seeing how big he has got really makes me realise how much things are changing and how long I’ve been away. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday I lived there, sometimes it seems like forever.

Back to the Village..

Posted on January 12, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

Berkay received a call from his brother a few days ago to tell him that his step-mum was ill, so he got on the next coach to his hometown of Beyağaç, Denizli to visit.

Fethiye to Denizli is a 5 hour bus ride, and then it’s a futher 1 and a half hours on a small dolmus from Denizli to the very remote town of Beyağaç, which has a population of less than 7000.

It’s a very traditional Turkish town, it is not at all modernised. Berkay’s family live in a small ground level house, it’s very basic, no luxuries, they don’t even have beds, just floor cushions. They have farmland and own 19 cows, 23 sheep and lots of chickens, which they keep for milk, cheese, eggs and meat. It is a very different way of life to what I am used to.

Some of the youngest cows are only a few days old, so cute. The photo on the left is Berkay’s step-mum, who is thankfully feeling much better now. .I love this photo on the right, who has a baby cow sitting in their garden beside their motorbike? Berkay’s family do 🙂

I have visited the village twice, and absolutely hated it. The main reason is because of just how traditional they are, and how alien I am to them, as a ‘ yabancı’ (foreigner). Both times we visited I wore modest clothes, jeans or a skirt with long leggings, socks, and a top that covered my shoulders, boobs and belly, yet I still looked like an outcast because quite literally every single other person was wearing ‘village pants’ .. the typical flowery type, and headscarves. Whereas people in Fethiye are normally mistaking me for a native Turk due to my skin colour, the people in Beyağaç were staring at me as if I had two heads, and they weren’t shy about it, I felt like I was in a zoo cage with hundreds of people staring and giggling at me. Another thing I found very difficult to cope with was the way the men and women were so segregated. Within the house, the roles of men and women were clearly defined. men outside sitting at tables smoking, women inside preparing food and cay. There was no mixing or conversation between men and women, they weren’t even allowed to sit in the same room. This was really horrible for me, as I couldn’t understand nor speak Turkish, and I was sat in a room full of people who couldn’t communicate with me either, add this to the staring they were doing and I became very paranoid!

Berkay rarely visits his family as he had a tough childhood and as a result, isn’t close to any of them. Berkay’s real mother left him when he was 28days old and moved elsewhere with his dad, temporarily, then they moved back to Denizli and had his brother. His mum then, again, abandoned his brother and left his dad. Berkay was being bought up by his grandparents, whom he adored. When his grandad sadly died, Berkay had to move back to his dad. His dad then remarried and had another son. When Berkay was just 15, his dad sent him away to Fethiye to attend school. He sent him with no food, no money, nothing. Berkay lived on the streets for a while until he met someone who took him in. He attended school and got a job, the money from which was all sent back to his dad. One month Berkay kept the money to pay bills, and his dad made the 6 hour journey to Fethiye to attack him and get the money for himself. Needless to say, their relationship does not exist now. They never speak and only see each other if there is a family death or special occasion. Berkay is quite close to his brothers still, but he is definitely the ‘black sheep’ of the family.

How someone can go through such a tough childhood and still be such a caring, kind, loving person I don’t know.

Anyway, thankfully Berkay’s step-mum is well again, and he is already back in Fethiye now. When he told me he was going to visit, I asked him to take tons of photos, so I could share how different his hometown is, he seems to have only taken photos of the animals, he knows I’m a sucker for animals! (:

2013 – A year in pictures – Part 2.

Posted on January 11, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

To carry on from part one, here are the rest of my favourite ‘moments’ of 2013 captured on camera.

July

July marked our 3 year anniversary, although it feels like we’ve been together so much longer. The first photo was taken on July 8th, our actual anniversary, and the second was taken a few days later when my Mum and aunt came to visit. This is one of my favourite photos of us ever.

The first is a photo of my aunt, me and mum during their holiday. I stayed at their apartment the whole week and it was great to spend time with them. Me and Berkay enjoyed making use of the pool again!

I don’t know why, but I really love this photo of me, I look so happy. This was after a freak summer rain storm and the clouds made for a pretty sunset. The second photo was taken after my family had gone home and me and Berkay had gone to the beach for a picnic. We were surrounded by half dressed tourists sunbathing and we rocked up fully clothed with our pots, pans and plates.

The height of summer was tough for Boncuk too, she was far too hot and enjoyed ice-lollies every once in a while to cool her down, such a spoilt little doggy. The photo on the right was taken during one of our long walks where we let Boncuk run off the lead and have some fun with her ball, she was more interested in giving us hugs though.

August

The little fella on the left was my little buddy. Whenever I was alone in our house at night when Berkay was at work, he’d come out and I’d see him running across the walls, he even slept in my shoe once. He was a little scary, but quite cute, too. The photo on the right is me with our friends little boy who was 10 months old at the time, we quite regularly went on barbeque picnics with them at little bays around Fethiye.

These two photos were taken in Dalyan when me and Berkay had a rare day out. I’d always wanted to go and when we decided I was moving back to the UK, we thought we best make the most of our last few weeks together. The lake was so calm before the rush of tourist boats arrived. It was beautiful. I had some fun in the mud bath, Berkay wasn’t brave enough to cope with the smell and jump in though!

Look how tanned we are in these photos! Both photos taken during one of our daily dog walks. I miss just spending time walking with them both.

Whenever we’d sit down for a rest during the walk, Boncuk would come straight over and jump on us for a cuddle. Soppy little thing ❤

September

September was tough. These photos were all taken before I returned to the UK. We took photos at every opportunity when we realised our time was running out together. They were all taken during our daily walk with Boncuk. We’d go up to the top of the hill and sit down and look over Calis and our house. Boncuk would play with her ball and come and give us hugs and it was so lovely to get away from the busy tourist areas or the noisy roads. It was our special place and it was so peaceful.

Sitting on our balcony playing this game ‘tri-ominos’ was another of our favourite things to do, such a simple thing, but something that I really do miss. The second photo is one of the last photos I have of the 3 of us and I love it to bits. This was a couple of days before I returned to England.

These two photos were taken during our little minibreak to Gumbet, Bodrum. They were the only 2 days Berkay had off during the whole of the summer and we wanted the time away together before I had to return to the UK. It was lovely to get away for a few days and forget that I would be leaving soon. The view from the rooftop terrace of our hotel was beautiful.

This is another of my favourite photos of myself, I was just so happy to be in Fethiye right at that moment. When I realised I was leaving I really did realise how much I took for granted about Fethiye and appreciated it so much more.

The photo on the left shows just how much Berkay and Boncuk love each other, a dog really is man’s best friend. The photo on the right is special too, one of the last walks we went on together and we just sat down on the beach watching the waves, even Boncuk looked like she was looking out to sea with deep thoughts going on in her head.

October

The best thing about coming back to the UK was being reunited with my 2 year old sister, Abbie. She’s just adorable and we’re really close. I love looking after her and we’re like best friends 🙂 The photos on the right are in a frame right above my bed. Dad put the frame there purposely so that all my most favourite memories could be above my head while I’m dreaming. ❤

October meant Halloween, and I spent ages carving this Peppa Pig pumpkin, I told myself it was for my sister but I got a lot of enjoyment out of it, I think it turned out pretty good for a first time effort! The second photo is my mums dog, although he’s not nearly as lovely as my Boncuk, he’s a good second best, and a real funny thing.

November

Only one photo needed for November, after weeks of planning, panicking and worry, Berkay got his visit visa to the UK so that we could spend Christmas together. It was such a relief.. Knowing when I would see him again made being apart just that little bit easier.

December

By far the happiest moment of December was this first photo. This was literally 2 minutes after Berkay had appeared through the Gatwick arrivals door on 16th Decemember, it was the first time I’d seen him since September 26th. The second photo was taken around Christmas.

The last two photos of 2013, taken in London a few days before the end of the year. I love how these photos turned out, how good does Berkay look standing next to Big Ben? Personally I think it’s proof he belongs in England! (;

2013 was a good year, lots of memories, good and bad. Here’s hoping 2014 will be full of the same.
I’ll keep my camera by my side at all times and do my best to capture all those precious moments.

2013 – A year in pictures – Part 1.

Posted on January 11, 2014 by livingtheturkishdream

The start of a new year always has us reminiscing about the previous one doesn’t it? I was looking back over all my Instagram photos of the year, and realised I had captured a lot of special moments. People are always commenting about how ‘snap-happy’ I am and that I take far too many photos of pointless, trivial things…but, if I’ve learnt anything this year it’s that sometimes those pointless trivial things mean the most.
It was hard to narrow it down to just a few photos for each month, but here are my favourite moment-capturing photos of 2013.

January

How cute and smiley does our little Boncuk look here? Such a happy puppy, and she was so tiny back then. I love the photo of us purely because of how cold we look- notice my hoodie and coat.. It was freezing.

Love both of these photos as it reminds me how quiet and peaceful Calis Beach is during winter when no tourists are around..lovely calm seas and beautiful sunsets.

February

Two stunning photos of the beach. The first is my favourite, winter is definitely the best time for beautiful sunsets in Calis.

This was the view from my balcony on a very cold winter morning, just look at that snow on the mountain, when Babadağ gets snowy, you know it really is cold. The photo of Boncuk makes me smile, I love her flappy ears. Can’t believe how much she has grown.

March

The first photo was during a Fethiyespor game, we got free tickets and really enjoyed it, and the team won too! Look at the beautiful backdrop of mountains, it was such a beautiful place to watch a game of football, the first real hot day of the year too, and I got a totally sunburnt face. The second photo was from a really lovely Spring day, we went to the beach and had a little picnic, then went for long walk and on the way back home bumped into these gorgeous baby goats who belonged to my landlord. Being a big animal lover, I couldn’t resist picking one up for a hug!

These last two photos are sad, as they were from one of the last times I saw my rabbit, she died when I was in England in April. Poor little bunny<3

April

We both visited England for a month in April. These two photos were taken on my 21st birthday (as if the hat didn’t give it away), we celebrated with all my family and a few close friends. My cake was lovely and had photos of all my loved ones around the sides.
The first photo makes me laugh so much, me & Berkay took my little brother and sister to London Zoo, and as you can tell, Berkay was less than impressed by the pigs. Classic photo. The other is me and my sister just after her 2nd birthday, no wonder saying bye to her everytime I returned to Turkey was always hard, look how adorable she is!

May

Our two good friends got married in April but had their wedding party in May, it was my first time attending a Turkish wedding, it was interesting to say the least, but the bride looked beautiful. The second photo is one of my favourite photos of us, look at those smiles and happy eyes.

I love how happy Boncuk looks playing with her ball here, bouncing along after a long walk and a swim in the sea.

These photos are what I mean by ‘everyday trivial things’. Both taken on my balcony, the first is the beautiful view I had when I would sit outside at 5am watching the sun rise, the silhouette of the mountain.. just stunning. The second is one of the things I really miss the most, just sitting on the balcony having a barbeque. We used to have at least one a week, often more. Such a simple thing, but something that I really, really miss just doing together with Berkay.

June

Lots of happy moments in June. The first photo is just one of those moments that always makes me smile, it’s my little dog chasing two huge camels.. bless her, she likes to act hard but when the camel turned around to look at her she came running back to us. The second is from a lovely day when we had breakfast along the seafront in Fethiye town. It was an open buffet with everything you could ever want as part of a Turkish breakfast, it was delicious and the glass of cay finished it off nicely. What better place to have breakfast, so close to the sea and beautiful scenery.

These two photos were taken during a Sunday picnic with our friends at a quiet bay in Fethiye. We had a barbeque picnic and a lovely swim..the view on the way back to Fethiye town was stunning.

One of the reasons we have lots of lovely memories from June is because my Nan and Grandad came to visit. I spent a lot of time at their apartment with them and made full use of the pool and aircon, luxuries that we didn’t have at our house. I love the first photo of us all on their last night in one of our favourite restaurants in Calis, look at all those smiling faces.

While my grandparents were here we visited Yakapark (left) and Oludeniz (right). We have some lovely photos there, but these two of me and Berkay are my favourite.

Click here for part 2, July – December.

Good news!

Posted on November 23, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

We got some great news on Thursday…
Berkay got his visit visa!

This means he can come to the UK for Christmas, New Year and back again in March for mum’s wedding. So happy!

It’s only a 6 month visa, and he’s only planning on staying for a total of 6 weeks out of that time, but it’s such hard work to get visas to the UK, as I have mentioned before.

I really didn’t think he’d get the visa this year, so it was a lovely suprise and I’m so glad, this one was more important than the rest as previous years I was living with him, but this year if he didn’t get his visa who know’s when I’d see him again. I have spoken recently about not feeling like I fit in here anymore, so having Berkay with me for Christmas is going to make me feel a lot happier, I can finally start to look forward to the holidays like everybody else! (:

Still yet to book his flights, but hopefully he’s coming mid December for 3 weeks. Our friend will be looking after our lovely Boncuk, if only Berkay could smuggle her in his suitcase! 😦 ❤

If anyone has any questions about visit visas, feel free to ask, always here to help!

xxx

Adapting to life back in the UK- Reverse culture shock.

Posted on November 16, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

I recently read a quote somewhere saying ‘the hardest thing about living abroad is returning home’. There have never been words more true.

I may have been back ‘home’ for over 7 weeks now, but adapting to life back in the UK is not easy. After researching, I found out that what I am experiencing is not just me being silly, it’s something that is real, something that others experience too. Reverse culture shock.

We’ve all heard of culture shock, I sure experienced that too when I first moved to Turkey. Moving thousands of miles away and being thrown in at the deep end, oceans away from all my family and friends and the life I had known for 19 years. No more ready meals, no wearing shoes inside, the fact it’s not uncommon to meet someone in the bus stop, instantly learn where he’s from, how old he is, and be invited to some random family occassion they’re holding soon. Adapting to ‘Turkish time’ and accepting that nothing will ever be done quickly. Learning to sleep through the call to prayer at 5am. The infamous Turkish toilets, and not being able to put paper down the normal toilets. Haggling in every shop you come across. Not being able to walk down the street without being called over by everyone you might have met once upon a time. Not hearing any English conversations… none of these are bad things, just very different. I adapted quickly and ended up living 99% like a local ~~minus the village baggy flowery trousers.~~

Culture shock, you expect. But reverse culture shock is different. On return to your ‘home country’ you don’t expect to feel like a foreigner, which is exactly how I still feel. The two and a half years I lived in Turkey I lost my connections to ‘home’, I felt less and less like an English girl, whilst obviously not being Turkish either. It’s a strange feeling, one that I can’t explain. It hits me at the most random times, sat on a bus and hearing English conversations all around, seeing English sign posts, seeing all the food in the English supermarket, it’s all quite overwhelming.

I suppose one of the main things which is difficult to adapt to is the fact that the lives of the people I love and care about at ‘home’ have moved on. Family and friends have new lives, some have attended and graduated university, others are married and have children, my mum has found a boyfriend and is engaged and my little sister who was a 3 week old baby when I left, is now over two and a half years old. Whilst I was not naive enough to expect everything to remain the same, it’s still hard to cope with things being so different to when I left them. Everyone else has moved on, and I’m back starting from the beginning, having to find a new job, adapting to life back with my family, and trying to find time to see friends who are all busy with their own lives. I don’t feel as close to my friends or family anymore, I left my own ‘family’ back in Turkey. I do feel like a foreigner in my own ‘home’.

Living back with my family is hard, after living alone with Berkay for two years. I miss the peace. Quiet evenings without a moody teenager and excitable toddler running around. Selfishly, I miss not having to worry about anyone else and just doing my own thing, washing up when I want, eating when I want, having control of the tv 😉 I feel less independent. I love my family but it’s still such an odd feeling being back, I feel like I’m intruding, this is their home, and not mine.

Another thing hard to adjust and adapt to is the whole ‘want it-get it’ attitude that is common here (I’m not saying every English person lives this way, please no nasty comments!) If someone wants something, they go out and buy it. Food, clothes, a phone.. whatever. While in Turkey I lived on the bare necessities, I had no luxuries. My dad has been bugging me for weeks to go out and buy a coat, or a pair of tights without a hole in the toe. He took out a new phone contract for me last week, despite me telling him I was happy with my ancient LG phone with a black and white screen and no internet capability that belongs in the stone ages. To me, that’s not the normal thing to do, If I were back in Turkey I’d just deal with it and carry on, make do and focus on the more important things like paying bills. I find that people’s priorities here are so backwards. I am starting to fall into that trap now too, especially where food is concerned!

I’m much more judgmental of the UK now I have lived somewhere else, perhaps wrongly, perhaps not. I have seen a different side of life that some have not, people assume I lived like a tourist, had what I wanted when I wanted it and had a life of luxury and a two year holiday. That’s so wrong.

People can’t understand what’s so difficult about returning to their own culture, customs, and language, they say ‘just move on get over it’. It’s really not that easy. The ‘just move on’ attitude doesn’t help, it only makes me feel more isolated, more like I don’t fit in. People not understanding has led to arguments. I was reluctant to do this post as I know any family reading will still be annoyed and upset about the things I say. Having read fellow ex-expat’s blogs about this subject, I decided to post it anyway, it’s important to know these feelings are real and if just one person reads and feels less alone and isolated, then it’s done it’s job.

Fethiye Fountains..

Posted on November 8, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

Feeling a bit ‘homesick‘ lately, so was looking through some old photos and thought I’d share some from my last night in Fethiye back in September which we spent watching the fountains in Fethiye.

They’ve been here for a year now, but because Berkay works nights we hadn’t had a chance to see them as he was always working.

The fountain show’s happen two times a day and are accompanied by music, very loud music! They are so pretty and I love them, even if they a little cheesy. They’re in the new park built opposite McDonalds in Fethiye town and look fab, brightly coloured and very cheerful. (: What do you think?

A Turkish wedding..

Posted on October 24, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

Turkish weddings are spectacular occasions, I’m pretty certain they invite every person they’ve ever met, literally, hundreds, even a thousand people all gathered together to celebrate, the Turks do know how to throw a party.

The wedding celebrations go on for days, and it’s not unusual for the legal wedding ceremony to take place months before the actual wedding party, the equivalent of what we would call the ‘reception’. This was the case for our friends. They were legally married in April this year, and had a very small family get together in a restaurant. They held the actual wedding party, and everything else that goes with it, a month later at the end of May. I have their permission to share their photos so thought I’d do a post sharing my experience of a Turkish wedding.

The days and weeks leading up to the big wedding party were spent planning, we went to their house often and each time they were doing something wedding-related. On on particular occasion, they came in with a massive box of invitations to send out, ”how many people are they inviting?!” I asked, ‘not too many, just 500”….

500 people, and that is considered a fairly small wedding by Turkish standards! I don’t even know 50 people, let alone 500. The wedding party was taken very seriously, the groom’s father spent an awful lot of money on it, with the help of credit cards!

The night before the wedding, they had a henna night, I’ve heard this is normally a women-only thing, but both bride and groom attended in this case.

The next morning, the day of the wedding party, Berkay headed off to our friends village where they had sacrificed a cow and were serving up traditional Turkish meals to everyone who happened to be passing by. There was a steady flow of hundreds of people throughout the day, all coming to eat the food being offered as part of the celebrations. This carried on until late afternoon when it was time to get ready for the big party..

Typically, wedding parties are held in the late evenings, and can go on until the early hours of the morning. They are often held in large halls, ‘wedding salons’ or school yards. In this case, it was the school yard directly opposite their house. It seems so bizarre to me to hold a party in a school playground, when we think of traditional British wedding receptions, they are held in fancy halls or venues, all beautifully decorated tables and chairs, balloons, seating plans, perhaps a buffet or meal, and plenty of alcohol flowing. This was not the case here at all. Everyone was sitting on plastic garden chairs, hired from the local council, there was no food, no alcohol, not many decorations. It was all very simple, yet completely bonkers at the same time. We arrived at 8 o clock, just in time to see the bride and groom’s extravagant-looking car speeding through the village beeping its horn loudy to let everyone know there’s a wedding going on. The bride and groom’s names were written on the banner draped over the car, and it was covered in streamers and huge ribbons, I wish I had taken a photo!

After greeting the bride and groom’s parents, we found a couple of spare chairs and sat down, completely overwhelmed by the amount of people and the noise of the drums, something that is ever-present at Turkish weddings.

The bride and grooms close family and friends stood up and lit some sparklers, held them in the air and formed a little walkthrough archway with their arms, the bride and groom arrived and walked hand in hand through them, it all looked quite romantic with the sparklers! They walked straight into the middle of the yard and stood opposite each other, the bride had a veil over her head and a red ribbon tied around her waist, this is a ‘maidenhood belt’ or bekaret kuşağı which is tied around her by her family before leaving for the wedding. The groom said a prayer and removed his bride’s veil, revealing her face. Small fireworks were lit in the background and they then had their first dance, a typical slow dance, and then other couples started to join in.

After the first dance, the real party begins. Loud drums, all kinds of musical instruments, live music and singing and A LOT of dancing. The dancing goes on all night and is crazy, traditional Turkish dancing. The wedding we were at had only Turkish music, but many are more modern and include western music, I can’t count the number of times I heard wedding parties in the school yard behind my house playing gangnam style last year!

After a while, it was time to bring out the cake. The cake was HUGE, 7 tiers (yet still nowhere near enough to go around all the guests) and had yet more fireworks lit on top. The bride and groom placed some lira notes on the cake and it was cut up and distributed to guests, we didn’t stay around long enough to get any, unfortunately, as Berkay had to get to work!

Just before we went, the dancing was put on hold for a while and the bride and groom stood at the front of the seating area with ribbons draped around their shoulders. Guests are expected to pin money or gold coins to the ribbon, instead of giving presents. This was one of my favourite parts, I think it’s a good idea and a nice little tradition that looks great on the photos! We were near the front of the queue to pin money on, right after the groom’s family. Each person that pinned money on got a photo taken with the bride and groom and then went back to their dancing.

We had to go home after this as Berkay had work, but I’m certain the wedding carried on until the early hours with plenty more fun and dancing.

It was very different to any wedding I have ever been to before, but it was an experience to say the least. If we ever get married, I’m sure we’ll incorporate elements of both traditional British and Turkish weddings, or maybe we’ll do as many of my friends have and have two, they are very different after all. (:

Celebrating kurban bayram with Berkay..

Posted on October 17, 2013 by livingtheturkishdream

WARNING, THIS POST CONTAINS PHOTOS THAT MAY DISTURB SOME READERS.

Tuesday 15th October marked the first day of the Muslim festival Eid-al-adha (kurban bayram in Turkish). If you aren’t aware of what kurban bayram is, you can check back at my previous post.. ”what is kurban bayram?” which explains all you need to know.

Most people celebrate bayram with their families, but Berkay is not close to his and doesn’t really keep in touch with them. He also has to work all over the holidays as it is the hotel’s busiest time. Last year we celebrated together with a BBQ and a walk along the seafront, but this year he was alone. Luckily, he has a great friend who works with him at the hotel, someone who he has grown really close to and who is like a father to him (his name is Ergun, he’ll probably be mentioned a lot!). They invited him to their village house for the day to celebrate so he didn’t have to be alone.

First he went off to Ergun’s brother’s house for breakfast which was the typical Turkish type, eggs, bread, honey, cucumber, tomato, cheese, olives and of course a glass or two of cay!

They then went around to a few other family members houses. When they got to Ergun’s wife’s family house, they sacrificed their first sheep. This is something that is supposed to be done by professional butchers, in order to minimize stress to the animal and get it done as fast and humanely as possible. I suspect that an awful lot of people do not actually follow these rules, and carry out the sacrifice themselves, which is what Berkay’s friend and all his family do. Obviously though, the rules are there for a reason, and should be stuck to.

After skinning and cleaning up the first animal, they visited Ergun’s brothers house, and performed the sacrifice over again with another animal, this time a goat.

After that, they ate lunch, he didn’t tell me what was on the menu, but I presume it was extremely fresh meat..

After lunch, they returned back to their village house where they sacrificed their own goat.

I asked Berkay to take these photos for me to share on here and give everyone more of an insight into the whole experience, but I do understand they may offend or disturb some readers, hence the warning at the start of the post.

I have seen discussions saying the act of killing so many animals for a religious festival is barbaric and wrong, although the same people complaining are not vegetarians themselves, and enjoy eating meat. The reason we find it so cruel, is that we are too used to having easy access to meat in supermarkets and shops, meat from animals that are already killed, then cut up and neatly packaged. We pick up the meat off the shelves and take it home to cook without a second thought as to where it has really come from, we don’t think about the poor animal it once formed. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.

Personally, as long as the sacrifice is done correctly and the whole process is over quickly with limited suffering to the animal, I see nothing wrong with it. Sure, it’s not pleasant and I would never be able to do it myself, but It’s the circle of life, and an important part of celebrating kurban bayram in Turkish culture.

I hope everyone who celebrates Eid had a wonderful few days, now all the remaining sheep & goats can breathe a sigh of relief, until the next bayram..or wedding.. or funeral.. or birth! The Turks sure do like to celebrate special occasions by killing a sheep or two.