We got married!

Posted on May 3, 2016 by livingtheturkishdream

In case you’ve been living in a bubble for the past week and don’t follow me or my blog page on Facebook, you’ll know that last Wednesday, 27th April, we got married!

After all the worrying I did about our two families coming together and how nervous I was about being centre of attention for the day, it turned into the best day ever and I’m very proud to now officially be Mrs Değirmenci!

I spent 10 glorious days in Turkey but 48 hours ago came back down to earth with a massive, painful bump as the time came to board the plane back to the UK. People say that the time I spend in Turkey must go by really fast, but it honestly doesn’t. Each time I return to Turkey it feels like I’m going home, and all my visits blur into one. It feels like I’ve been there forever, which only makes it all the harder when I leave again.

It’s never easy leaving Berkay behind, but instead of getting easier each time, it gets harder, and this time was the worst. We’d been married for 4 days and spent 10 whole days together, waking up together, eating breakfast together, walking hand in hand together, doing the washing together, eating dinner together, sleeping together.. and had just 4 days as husband and wife before I flew back to the UK and all of that became impossible again. 48 hours ago I had a husband next to me, now I find myself back in the daily 9-5 routine of work, living with my family and not feeling like a married couple at all 1000’s of miles apart.

I’m not really sure I can describe it in a way that anyone would understand, unless they’ve already been through it themselves but it’s really emotionally draining and although people mean well with their wishes and comments saying ‘you’ll be together again soon’, ‘now you can start focusing on the visa and getting everything ready to apply’ etc, it doesn’t make it any easier and that’s really not what I want to hear.

The days after your wedding should be happy, you should be putting congratulations cards up in your house and buying toasters and kettles and things for your house together – not sat in an airport departures hall in tears preparing for that one last glance back at each other before you pass through passport control and can’t look them in the eyes or feel their touch again for several months. It should not be that way at all.

I only have 5 days of annual left to take now so won’t be able to visit Berkay again until September as I have to space the time out carefully. I think it’s even harder for us because we once lived together for 3 years straight, with barely any days without seeing each other, and then suddenly the army reared it’s ugly head and separated us for a year, and now that’s over and done with but we’re still unable to be together in the same country.

People ask why I don’t move back to Turkey but the truth is I would in an instant. I LOVE Fethiye and Calis and our life there. Sensibly and practically though, that’s just not an option. Winters out there are very hard, and although the lifestyle is more relaxed, friendlier and less materialistic, the long working hours in summer are tough too. We want to have children and having Berkay working 15 hour days 7 days a week in summer and then finding work in winter and not knowing if he’ll actually get paid that month is just too stressful, plus there’s no time for family time. I lived there for 3 years and only saw him for 3 hours a day. Money isn’t such a problem in summer, but in winter its too hard. We budgeted hard and rationed our electricity and food and while that was fine for us back then, we would never be able to have a family that way or get into debt with Berkay’s employers again through borrowing money to get him through the winter months. As I write this I’m not entirely certain if I’m trying to explain my reasons to you readers, or if I’m just trying to convince myself that it’s the right thing…

Living in the UK would be a real challenge for Berkay, and it would take a lot of adapting and hard work, but at the moment it’s our best option. I have a great job in a good location and I have no doubt he’d find work somewhere too. I earn the income requirement needed to apply for his visa at the moment and it took a lot of time to get to this point, giving it up now would be silly. I’ve saved a few thousand pounds which will be enough for us to apply for his visa and hopefully a deposit to rent somewhere here. We will be applying for his visa around September time, and hopefully have a definite yes or no answer by Christmas. If it’s a yes, we’ll start our life in the UK, and if it’s a no I’m willing to move back there and make sacrifices. We really have one shot at his visa, it costs thousands of pounds and a lot of time and effort so we really will only try once. I suppose the only thing for certain is that by Janaury 2017 we will know where our future is, be that in the UK or Turkey, and we won’t have to spend anymore time apart figuring it out as the decision will be made for us by the UK government. As soon as we hand those papers in in September-time, it’s out of our hands and into the hands of a complete stranger who has never met us and who judges our life by flicking through a pile of paperwork.

We’re married now but things regarding the future are as unstable as ever. Thankfully, we have each other no matter how far apart we are and the long distance aspect of our relationship means we never take each other for granted. Every meal together, every time we open our eyes and wake up next to each other, every time we walk hand in hand is a moment we treasure as it doesn’t happen everyday. I can’t stop looking at our wedding photos they make me smile even if looking back at them is bittersweet…

Brace yourselves for a lot of wedding posts soon!!

Wedding Celebrations – ‘Hen’ Afternoon Tea.

Posted on April 15, 2016 by livingtheturkishdream

Last weekend was the real start of the wedding celebrations as some of my family and friends joined me for a ‘hen-do’.

I know it doesn’t really come accross this way through my posts, but anyone who has met me will tell you I am very shy in person, I hate being the centre of attention and having all eyes on me, people singing happy birthday around a birthday cake is bad enough, so the whole wedding process, including dress fittings and hen-do was always going to make me nervous! Me and mum narrowed down the hen party options to two things, a meal in a Turkish restaurant or afternoon tea, and settled on the latter.

I went to the Orsett Hall over in Essex, joined by mum, aunt, nan, stepmum and three friends. It’s a really nice place and has lovely grounds, it’s quite popular too and whenever I’ve been it’s always busy and booked up in advance, there’s always a lot of baby showers there too!

The tables were nicely decorated and my aunt had bought me along a special balloon as well as the little favours my mum had organised – personalised chocolates and sweet bags. Mum also got me the customary ‘bride to be’ sash with ‘The Future Mrs Degirmenci’ and our wedding date written on it which I loved, it all made everything feel so real!

I’ve been to afternoon tea at the Orsett Hall 3 times before and each time it has been lovely, mostly similar food items but always a slightly different mix. This time we had 4 small finger sandwiches each – smoked salmon, cream cheese and cucumber, ham and mustard and egg and cress, which were nice (apart from the smoked salmon.. yuck) but let’s be honest, the real reason anyone goes to afternoon tea is for the cake, right? We had scones, jam and cream, pistachio cupcakes, macaroons, battenberg cake, chocolate covered strawberries and some kind of lemon and fruit dish in a mini jar which I’ve forgotten the name of! Of course the other main component of afternoon tea is the actual tea, and we had unlimited tea of every variety and flavour, fruit or otherwise, as well as water and coffee. I had strawberry and mango tea, lovely! Mum had booked the champagne afternoon tea so we all got a glass of champagne too which made the afternoon even more of a celebration, and the staff bought out a plate with ‘happy hen’ written on in chocolate for me which was a nice touch.

After the lovely food, I opened a few ‘hen’ presents, including these two bride and groom rubber duckies, my friends know me so well! Everyone that came all signed a special personalised plate that mum had found on the internet. I love this idea, everyone writes a message and then you put it in the oven for half an hour and the writing sets into the porcelain plate and becomes permanent and washproof. Definitely something good to keep and display on a special stand when we ever have our own house.

We spent a couple of hours sat at our table eating and chatting and then when outside into the grounds to take some photos, it was quite cold and it started to rain so we just rushed a few snapshots with everyone.

The funniest thing for me was taking a photo in the throne-like chair inside the Orsett Hall. Back in 2008, I had my senior school prom at this venue and had a photo taken of me sitting in the same exact chair. After a bit of digging through old photos I found that photo, and its quite scary when comparing them side by side, I don’t look too much different (although a bit fatter..). Who would have thought that 8 years later I’d be sitting in that same chair at my hen celebration, eh?

We all (I think..) had a lovely afternoon, and in the words of my friend “it was nice to have afternoon tea for a hen do, something different, everyone else just drinks through penis straws!’ which is totally true. Strippers, straws and cakes shaped like body parts and crude things are just not me, and it was lovely to have a nice quiet celebration with a few of my closest family and friends.

Now I have just 10 days left as a ‘Miss Smith’!!!

Wedding date and 4 busy days..

Posted on March 22, 2016 by livingtheturkishdream

I got back on Sunday evening from 4 lovely days in Turkey. We didn’t have much time to relax as we had a million and one things to do to get organised for our wedding in April, and with only 3 working days to do it!

We were running around like headless chickens in Fethiye all day Wednesday getting paperwork, photocopying it, driving backwards and forwards from marriage offices and council offices to doctor’s surgeries (as part of the marriage requirements Berkay needed a blood test to check for diseases that can be passed onto children etc)! I had had 0 hours sleep the night before as I had been flying all night, and landed at 7am, so I was walking around in a tired, half asleep, half awake state. By some miracle we managed to get everything done in one day, apart from the blood test results, and we were able to book a date for our wedding…

27th April 2016! 5 weeks tomorrow!

After booking the date, we managed to order and pick up wedding rings in the space of a couple of hours, book a hairdresser, photographer and venue, order flowers for me and my little flowergirl sister, buy some items to use as wedding favours, speak to a lovely lady about making our cake and get Berkay’s suit ordered, tailored and picked up. All in just 3 working days! After all the plans were put into action, my family have all been able to book flights and accommodation and apart from my wedding dress fitting next weekend, I think everything is sorted and organised!

Fethiye and Calis are still as lovely as ever, and it was great to catch up with our friends there, and of course spend some time with Berkay, even if it was just a few days. It always amazes me how quickly I adapt back into ‘Turkish Danni’ and whenever I land in the country it’s like I’ve never even been away.

I have lots of photos to share from my visit, and also lots to share from my previous visit last month! It’s all a bit crazy at the moment and I feel like a bit of a jet-setter flying back every month! I really need to catch up with my blogging but with wedding plans, and also trying to gather the hundreds (literally..) of documents and paperwork required for Berkay’s visa application, and working 9-5 weekdays, means I have little time to think of anything else.

I love that I can sit and write on my blog and it’s so funny to see how life has changed since I first started writing it 3 years ago, it started out as a blog about living in Turkey, then moved onto the struggles of army life and separation, and now I’m definitely going to bore you all with wedding and visa updates!

For now, I’ll leave you with some of my favourite photos taken last week.

Back in Turkey & Wedding planning?

Posted on March 15, 2016 by livingtheturkishdream

It seems like I’ve only just got back from Turkey (5 weeks ago) but tomorrow I’m flying back again! It’s only a quick visit this time, I’m going to the airport straight after work tomorrow evening, flying all night via Istanbul, and then landing in Dalaman at 7am! I fly back to the UK on Sunday morning so it’s just 4 days/nights.

I didn’t think I’d be back there again so soon, and the only reason I’m going is to put some of our wedding plans into action. I have completed the relevant paperwork here, had it signed by a solicitor and certified by the foreign office, but now we need to take our paperwork into the registry office in Fethiye, have some blood tests and book a date!

What started out as a small wedding in the registry office followed by dinner in a restaurant in Fethiye has turned more into a ‘proper’ wedding – I went dress shopping a few weeks ago and despite being adamant I would just have a pretty, basic dress from a high street shop, I ended up walking into a ‘Confetti and Lace’ bridal shop, trying on a beautiful, sparkly white wedding dress and the rest is history!!

Since then, we’ve been planning the wedding, I have sorted out favors, a cake, a venue, flights and accomodation, and now all we need to book is an actual date for the wedding in April, a photographer, flowers and wedding rings… It’s going to be a very busy, but exciting 4 days!

Online check in is done, my suitcase is packed full of nandos sauce for Berkay, and I’m nearly all ready to go…
See you tomorrow, Turkiye!

Getting Married!

Posted on February 23, 2016 by livingtheturkishdream

On Sunday I made a rather important announcement on my Facebook blog page, and just incase some of you don’t have access to Facebook I’ll say it here too…

Berkay and I are getting married soon!

We’re planning to get married in Turkey at the end of April, just a small wedding at the registry office in Fethiye. I am hoping to fly out mid March for a few days to complete some paperwork and book a date for the end of April. My family have already arranged time off work to join us on the big day, and Berkay’s family are also planning to make the journey to Fethiye which will be rather interesting as our families have never met each other. There won’t be any big white dress or big party, just signing of the papers and then dinner in a restaurant… although we’re hoping to have a celebration party with the full works (and probably a big fat village wedding too) later on.

The best part is that Berkay and my family will all be in the same room. They haven’t even been in the same country for 2 years! The not so good part is that just days after we’re married I’ll be returning to England alone and that thought is rather depressing.. I suspect that will be the hardest goodbye of all!

A few days ago myself and family went out for dinner to celebrate, bubbles included..The only thing missing was Berkay, and that seems to be the story of our lives at the moment…

Struggling through Army life..

Posted on August 23, 2015 by livingtheturkishdream

“It’s about who you miss at 2pm when you’re busy, not at 2am when you’re lonely” – I saw this quote recently and thought how true it was.

We might be half way through the army but instead of getting easier it only seems to be getting harder, and more stressful.

Its been over 4 months since I last saw Berkay, which is the longest we’ve ever not seen each other since we met – even before I lived in Turkey we saw each other every 3 months. People say to keep busy to take your mind off it, but that doesn’t really work, does it? Out of sight doesn’t mean out of mind, and as the quote above says, it’s not about missing someone at 2am when you’re lonely and bored – it’s about who you’re missing during the day when you’re surrounded by company and are busy. Little things where you think ‘I wish they were here to see this’. I went camping with my mum last week and really enjoyed it but the whole time I was thinking how much Berkay would have loved this or that and wishing he was there..

He was supposed to have holiday booked for the beginning of October, but it’s now not certain whether he’ll get the leave or not due to the rising tensions in Turkey… Some of his fellow national-service men had holiday booked for last week and got called to go back to base early, so it’s really impossible to make any plans or book flights for me to go and visit since the dates are so uncertain. I’m still hoping to go if he can get holiday, but if it’s too short notice I won’t be able to get time off work (if I’m still working there as that too, is uncertain since it was a temporary contract). It’s very frustrating not being able to make solid plans, anyone who knows me knows how much I need plans to stick to, I hate not knowing.

Now is a pretty scary time to be doing national service or serving any kind of time in the army. It’s a fairly safe country, just like any other, but in the last few weeks there have been a few incidents where Turkish soliders have died through terrorist attacks from the PKK, and with the events going on in Syria, the border between that and Turkey is a fairly scary place to be right now too , I expect. A lot of Berkay’s army friends have been sent to ‘bad places’ recently, and although Berkay hasn’t had to move base from Kayseri yet, it is a possibility, one we hope he can avoid. People in the UK who say “bring back National service for the youth of today” need to have a reality check – it’s not just a fun little army training camp, it’s real life, real situations and real people, and that’s scary.

Berkay isn’t enjoying it at all, he’s finding it difficult and struggling more than he lets on, I think. We rarely get a full conversation as the signal is bad or we’re busy. There’s no deep meaningful conversation, just a simple “hi, how are you, what are you doing” – no time for anything else. It makes you feel really distant.

Perhaps the scariest part of it all, is knowing that in five and a half months time it will all be over, and we’ll be free to move on, finally. Although he’s only been in for 6 months, the army has been a huge obstacle for a long time, and once it’s out of the way we’ll be ‘free’. Free to live together without knowing we’ll be separated for a year later on, have a permanent home rather than a temporary one, be able to get married, have a family, etc without the army lingering over us. This is a relief, but also overwhelming, and the future is just so uncertain. I know nobody has a crystal ball, nobody knows what is going to happen tomorrow, a week from now or a year from now, but we can’t even plan which country we’ll live in. I don’t earn enough for Berkay to get a visa to live in the UK, hopefully I will eventually, but what time limit do we put on that? Do we just live apart even after the army has finished in the hope that one day I’ll get a payrise or find a job offering more money? I have to be earning the set amount for 6 months before applying, and we have to be married, so there’s something else to think about. Do I save and go there instead? People keep asking me ‘what’s your plan for once he’s finished?’ – the answer is I don’t know. Neither does he, and we don’t get to speak to each other for long enough to even contemplate or discuss it.

There is so much more to this whole ‘army thing’ than just missing him, it’s a big part of our life, and it really sucks. People say ‘it will go quick, half way has gone already, it will be Christmas soon then it will be really close’ – well, yes, I don’t doubt it, but it doesn’t just end there once he gets his completion papers. A year of our lives will have gone, forever and we’ll probably still be apart for longer.

For now, we’ll keep plodding along. Day after day, putting marble after marble in the ‘days down’ jar, and hoping that everything will eventually come together.

“Everything will be alright in the end, and if it’s not alright, it’s not yet the end”.