Saying goodbye to Turkey and hello to England..

On Sunday I packed up my life into a suitcase once again, boarded the plane alone and arrived back in the UK, this time for longer.

I’d been putting it off for weeks, but a month ago I booked my flight and tried to make the most of everyday I had left there in Turkey. Each day was marred by the constant thought of ‘this is the last time I’ll do this’ or ‘this is the last time I’ll eat this’, ‘this is the last time I’ll go here’. Those thoughts filled my head and everything just felt different, I could no longer enjoy my time there, once I’d booked my flight the countdown began and it was awful.

While everyone else was excitedly opening their advent calendars and counting down the days til Christmas, I was wishing time to go slower, hoping that by some miracle the 14th December would never arrive. Inevitably it did, of course.

Berkay had been able to get the day off work so we could spend the day together, we done a lot of our favourite things, had a lovely Turkish breakfast outside on the balcony, played backgammon with a cup of coffee, walked Boncuk along the seafront and had a gorgeous BBQ outside. The hours ticked by and once I was all packed and ready we went to the beach to watch one ‘last’ sunset. (See what I mean? Always ‘lasts’ on my mind!) It reached 5.30 pm, I took my case and walked out of my front door for the ‘last’ time (again…). “Bye house”.

We went and waited in the hotel garden for Berkay’s friend to arrive, he was taking us to the airport in his car. I played with Boncuk and explained to her what was going on, although of course she’s clueless and is probably still waiting for me to go back and play ball with her and wondering where I am now. We saw our friends car drive around the corner and then it hit me, it was time to go.

Berkay took my suitcase to the car and I sat on the steps cuddling Boncuk, telling her to be good and that I’d see her again soon. I gave her a little treat and she ran off with it, bouncing around all happy and none-the-wiser. She was so happy with her little treat that when I climbed over the fence and walked away she didn’t even come to say bye. She usually stands with her paws up on the fence, crying or howling as we walk away, but not this time. At least one of us wasn’t!

A 45 minute minute car journey later and we were in Dalaman. Our friend hadn’t had dinner so we stopped at a Çiğ köfte place to kill some time and eat and then carried on to the airport.

My flight was the only one flying out that evening so the airport wasn’t very busy but the queues to check in were very long as the flight was one of the last ones direct from Dalaman before Christmas and it was full of expats flying back to the UK for the holidays. We queued for around an hour, but I didn’t mind as that meant delaying the ‘goodbye’ further. Eventually the inevitable happened, I got to the front of the queue and after trying to reduce the weight of my case from 25kg down to just 20, I was all checked in and ready to go.

After a tearful goodbye and a cuddle, I walked through security and passport control where they stamped my passport with an exit date stamp, that was it, the point of no return. I looked back and waved at Berkay and he blew me a kiss, cheesy! Then that was that, I walked around the corner and found my gate, which was full of people already waiting. I spotted a Facebook friend who had previously told me she was on the same flight with her husband and daughter, she too has a Turkish husband and has faced the same teary goodbyes. I went over to her and she asked if I was ok and gave me a big hug, at which point I burst into tears. Poor woman! Still, I felt better after that and I didn’t have to wait very long until we started boarding the plane. The plane was full of young children and before take off there were alot of screaming babies, they looked exactly how I felt on the inside!

On take off I said ‘bye Turkey, bye Berkay, bye Boncuk’ and had one last look out of the window, I even gave a little wave.

Before I knew it, the plane was landing back in Gatwick. “Welcome home” the pilot said. Not really home for me though. I got through passport control quickly and retrieved my baggage. I saw my friend again and apologised for crying on her, “it’s ok I know how it feels” she said, which was reassuring.  Then I walked out through the doors and saw my mum and dad waiting for me with more hugs, along with a cheddar cheese and HP sauce sandwich and packets of pickled onion monster munch, yum!

I can’t tell you how strange it is to be back here. The moment I walked into my room again it just hit me, but it was like nothing at all had changed. My calendar is still stuck on the page of June, the month I left. Everything is the same here, yet different. It really does feel like I’ve never been away, like the past 6 months were all just a dream, like I wasn’t really there. I have to keep looking at photos of our house to remind myself that it wasn’t all a dream.

It upsets me that I’ll probably never step foot in my house again, a week ago I was there, sleeping next to Berkay, waking up next to him, eating breakfast together on the balcony, making dinner in the kitchen, watching films in the living room… now all traces of us are removed from that house, and someone else is living there.

Berkay is now living under the hotel (which is still closed for the winter) in a concrete room which is used for staff accomodation during the summer. Boncuk is staying there with him for now and will go somewhere else once he’s in the army, we’ll get her back again once he’s finished in February 2016, which seems like a lifetime away.

Forget about the arrival of 2015 in 2 weeks time, roll on 2016 when we can finally settle and live together without the worry of these goodbyes again, that’s what I say!

See you soon, Fethiye. ❤

20 thoughts on “Saying goodbye to Turkey and hello to England..

  1. I really feel for you it made me cry reading this my husband works away all week I only see him at weekends when he comes home I hate it when he leaves we have put our house up for sale and hope it sell in the new year if it does we are going to move to Turkey and make the rest of our life’s there at least then we will be together all the time huge hugs to you hope the goes fast for you xxxxxxxx

  2. Oh how sad. I really feel for you. Fill your days with happy positive thoughts and memories and imagine the day you meet again. Wishing you a peaceful Christmas and a speedy 2015 x

  3. Oh Dannie I was in tears myself reading that so I can’t begin to imagine how you feel. What are your plans in England? Do you have a job or do you now have to start looking for work? What can I say I do hope the time passes quickly for you although you must feel it’s a lifetime away. Good luck xx

  4. Oh Danni I really feel for you,I hope you will soon settle and while your waiting you can look forward to spending the rest of your life together,time soon passes hope to see you at mums charity do, take care and have a lovely christmas lots of love.

  5. Realization – you have a husband and a hairy baby that adore you. I had to be in the city for an exam this week, and the number of homeless is crazy. I did my best for one guy and his Staffy but still felt bad about being home with my cosseted lot, but if you persist you will be together, and it will be all the more sweet because it came with a struggle. Strength to you all x

  6. That must be the hardest thing you have ever written! I was in tears reading it myself…. I hope you get sorted whilst in the UK. I watched Sophie over this last 2 years going through what you are now and hopefully that light at the end of the tunnel will be shining for you sooner than you think! Good luck In finding a job take care xxx

  7. I just cried !! Bigggggg hugssss beautiful you ! Sharing your life ! Wish you all the very best for Xmas and in the new year ! Hugssss again may your dreams come true

  8. Danni you know what,you have some beautiful memories to look back on,it won’t stop you missing Berkay but the things you have shared with us will keep you strong,the next year may seem like a lifetime away but just think how fab it will be when Berkay has done his service and you will be back together. Use the time apart to work hard n save hard,maybe go to college part time and get some qualifications that you could possibly use in turkey or here in the uk.
    Try not to be sad,you have a family who love you and want the best for you. Never give up.
    Love Morgan x x x

  9. {{hugs}} Roll on 2016, as you said – hope 2015 is full of planning and preparing for 2016 that makes the time go faster for you! Glad you’ve got someone to take care of Boncuk 🙂
    I was just reading about J.R.R. Tolkien’s parents, who got engaged back in the 1880s – and then had to wait to get married until the man was “in a position to support a wife and children” – he went off to work in a bank in South Africa and she stayed in England. Imagine? No emails or telephones, only letters! They had to wait three years! I can’t believe people used to think that was a good/proper thing to do – nowadays she’d have gone out there with him. Who cares if you have to eat bread and cheese (or whatever) as long as you’re with the one you love!
    I hope Berkay gets some leave soon and you two can meet up somewhere!

  10. I know what you are feeling to an extent, my partner is currently in the army too but he doesn’t have to do the long term service so I can’t imagine how hard waiting that long is. Just know though that thanks to technology phone calls are possible so it helps a bit! I hope time passes quickly for you and that you will see each other again 🙂

  11. I really feel for you. I know it’s easier said then done but try to stay positive and focused. Just think everyday is one step closer to you being reunited and continuing your life together. I love your blog and look forward to reading your progress and following your story. Take care and Merry Christmas x

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