During a relaxing, carefree holiday In Turkey, it’s all so easy to fall in love with a handsome stranger with a sexy accent, romantic walks on the beach, watching sunsets together and a lot of fun in the sun, but what happens when you return home, can the relationship continue or will he forget about you as soon as you board the plane?
We’ve all seen the typical ‘Take a Break’ magazine stories about Turkish men being love rats, cheating on British women, manipulating them for their money or using them for a visa, but are they all like that? The answer is no, they’re not, and some (and only some) holiday romances can go the distance and turn into loving, long lasting relationships and marriages.
A lot of things really depend on what circumstances you met in. If you met him while he was working in a bar one night and the only communication you had was while either one or both of you were drunk, the chances are it’s not going to turn into a real meaningful relationship. Drunken conversation and sex does not make a good foundation. What is more important is spending real quality time together and getting to know each other properly before moving forward, although admittedly that is difficult whilst on a short holiday. The normal rules of dating are put on fast forward, it’s easy to get carried away and fall head over heels when everything is moving quickly, you know your time together is limited and that you’ll soon be returning home so everything is rushed. First date, second date, first kiss,sex…It all happens in a blur and it’s difficult to know what is going to happen next and what it all means.
I suppose it’s important to figure out if it is love, or lust. Is it really possible to fall in love with someone in a country thousands of miles away from home where there are so many obstacles to overcome? The language barrier is an important one. Is it really possible to ‘love’ someone you can hardly communicate with? Communication is key. Getting to know each other from 4000 miles away is never easy, but nowadays with Skype, Facebook, FaceTime, email and text, there really is no excuse not to keep in touch, if that’s what you want.
An important thing to be sure of is that you are both wanting the same thing, are you both looking for a quick fling, or is one of you more serious than the other? While on holiday, a lot of us let our guards down, we are physically and emotionally relaxed and free from all the stresses of home, this makes it oh so easy to get carried away, but in reality, when you’re 4000 miles away back at home and have work to do and bills to pay, are you still going to be as interested in your Turkish ‘lover’? If you are serious about the relationship, be certain he is too. A lot of Turkish men working in resorts see a lot of women come and go, as soon as one flight leaves, another arrives. Some men see women, British in particular, as easy and fun loving. They assume, rightly or wrongly, that these women want nothing more than 2 weeks of fun, and the reality is he probably won’t be interested in keeping in touch until you’re back next year.
Turkish men have a reputation as being love-rats, only interested in money and a visa. Sure, some of these men are really clever, scheming, con artists who cover their tracks well, however, in most circumstances there are some clear signs that your ‘relationship’ is doomed. Don’t ignore the signs and leave your brains at the airport. If you’re old enough to be his grandmother, or great-grandmother, he’s probably not genuine. If he runs to the toilet when his phone rings, he’s probably talking to one of his many other holiday flings, or a Turkish wife. If he tells you he loves you in broken English after having known you 5 mintues, he’s probably not genuine. Once you’re home, is he constantly making excuses and too busy to talk to you? Did you do a bit of Facebook stalking and find out he actually has 5 different profiles with photos of him and a different girl on each one? These are all huge red flags, don’t fall for his charm or excuses, it’s not worth the heartbreak in the end.
A lot of women who have experienced the above sell their stories to magazines or newspapers or create online groups and blogs ‘warning’ everyone about the dangers of Turkish men. There seems to be an assumption that all Turkish men will try their luck and manipulate British women for money. If your fella gives you a list of duty free alcohol, trainers and the latest iPhone he wants you to bring out the next time you visit, realise he is not genuinely in love with you, he is more interested in your bank balance. If every time you speak to him he mentions how his mother, father or sister’s friend’s dog-sitter etc.. is ill and he needs money to pay the hospital bill, end the conversation and delete him from your life. He’s lying.
Turkish men are not all scheming, money grabbing rats, far from it. Generally, Turkish men are very proud; they work to provide for their families and would never ask someone for money, especially a woman. Using my relationship as an example, I don’t have a penny to my name, Berkay works hard everyday to provide for us both. When family come to visit, the most he’s ever asked them for is a bottle of Nando’s sauce.
If people try to tell you that your guy isn’t genuine, that he’s cheating on you or using you for money, most of the time they are probably right. Don’t dismiss their concern as ‘jealousy’. Take their concerns on board and be wary. If the signs are there, pay attention and take notice, if not, stay on guard but don’t turn into a bunny boiling stalker.
Trust is important. When you’re living 4000 miles away from someone, it’s going to be impossible to know what they’re doing and who they are with every minute of the day. Gut instinct will be the key, if you think he doesn’t deserve your trust or he’s acting suspiciously, move on, there is no way a long distance relationship will ever work if you cannot trust each other.
The most important thing for me is can you really make the long distance relationship work? Are you patient enough to understand that while friends and people around you may be settling down and moving on with their lives, you’re going to be back and forth only seeing each other for a limited number of days per year until you come to a decision as to where your future is? You can only visit each other so much as your job, and your bank balance permits. At some point, one of you is going to have to give up your life in your own country and move away from your friends, family , job and everything you’ve ever known, it’s inevitable and is the only way forward, eventually.
This brings us to the issue of visas. Depsite what everyone thinks, visas to the UK are not easy to obtain, if you are unwilling to try to settle in Turkey, be prepared for a long battle to get your Turkish partner to the UK, it’s not something to take lightly, it’s a long, hard process and the stress can be enough to split couples up.
There are also cultural differences, and religion pays a large part in some circumstances too. Is he Muslim? Will he expect you to give up certain things? Will he expect you to be a stay at home mum/housewife? Is he willing to let go of some of his more traditional Turkish cultural values, and are you willing to give up some of yours? Can you come to a compromise?
If both of you are willing to make it work and put in the effort as well as having the patience, trust, understanding and communication, your relationship may well turn into something wonderful. If not, enjoy it for what it is and move on, either way you’ll have great memories.
livingtheturkishdream.com 
Brilliant post Danni…you’ve covered everything xx
Thanks, glad you agree 🙂 x
fantastic Dan………amazing you can write like this xx
Ta, don’t know who I get it from haha. xx
Well said Danni… I couldn’t have put it better myself… You have a gift for writing, keep it up x
Thanks! 🙂 x
I cannot add anything else, a brilliant piece of writing. Well done.
Glad you liked it Fleur, I did waffle on a bit though! xx
soooo true Danni, think you have a great future in journalism,
Lol thanks, who knows, at least this is something I can put on my CV 🙂
Fab post 🙂
Ta 😀 x
I have recently come back from Turkey and met the most amazing guy over there, I went for a week with my friend, the only problem was a week wasn’t long enough and I will be going back. He messages me every day whilst he takes his afternoon break from working as he does very long hours of which i have witnessed. I also know he isnt a womaniser as friends who were there for the week prior and know him from the year before say that they never see him talking to othe women as he is too busy running his bar.
My predicament is that he wants me to go out for the last week of the season which I’m dying to do but my only reservation is going alone, He owns a bar and has a few apartments over there as well which would be free accommodation so i know he isnt after me for money etc as he has plenty of his own and loves Turkey too much to ever leave, do I go with my heart and stay with him for the week on my own or do I keep my wits about me and wait till I go back with friends at the start of the new season???
Well it seems you have a good head on your shoulders, youre definitely looking out for the red flags, which is a good thing! 🙂 I was in the same situation as you when i met my bf, i knew him for a week then decided to go back to Turkey on my own. I stayed in a hotel instead, that way although we were together, we werent in an apartment alone and felt safer. Would that not be an option? xx
So glad you have replied, I have been looking online for some one who has had a similar experience to get some advice from! I think that is going to be my best option, accommodation will be cheaper anyway as its the end of the season so its a small price to pay to be safer and then if we don’t get on I have somewhere to stay and not be stranded! I really hope that things go well and sod it If work will let me have the time off I will be booking my flight in the morning!! xx
Did you decide what to do? xx
Hi Danni, sorry on the late reply!! Yes I have decided what to do and I will be flying back out in two weeks and I can’t wait! We have been talking on Facebook whilst I’m at work in the afternoon for a few hours whilst it is quiet in the bar and then when he finishes work every night and he is back home he skypes me and we talk until the early hours,
I though initially the holiday blues would pass and that I would stop missing him but its just the opposite and I miss him even more!
I have told one of my friends who is kind of understanding the situation but holding back some reservations until I come back, her initial reaction was she said its a younger guy just chasing you (Im 28 by the way) for your money and a visa but she mellowed a bit when I explained that he was older than me (he’s 35) and that he ran his own business’s there and had property etc and never has any intention of living in the Uk.
Im so glad I read your article as it made me think things through properly and I really do hope that I found one of the good guys (like yours) out there!
Louisa xx
Hi Danni,
Just to let you know that I decided to go back and had the most amazing week ever! It confirmed that I did the right thing! I actually nearly threw my passport out of the window on the way back to the airport I was that gutted to leave!
I had already met one of his brothers when I was last over but he has 3 other brothers 2 of who he introduced to me whilst being back (the 3rd owns a restaurant back home) and he Skyped the rest of his family to introduce me to them which was so nice!
We went to so many traditional Turkish places that I hadn’t got to see last time I was there and I loved how sharing people are especially at meal times and the food is just wonderful!
We have spoken in great length and it is looking like I will be going back over in January to his home town to meet his family in person and then he will hopefully get a holiday visa for me to introduce him to mine.
We are still managing to talk for a few hours a day now he is back home, even if it does mean he has to go to the internet cafe to do so until his internet is activated for his house which is making me appreciate the effort he is going to too talk to me everyday!
I can honestly say that I have never met a kinder, sweeter and thoughtful person in all my life, the only down side is the distance!
I cant wait until I am back there again and this time there will be no hesitation about going back on my own and I know when I get there I will be running out of the airport to get to him sooner!
Louisa xx
Hello…I am so happy to hear your story and that not all Turkish men are dogs. I met a nice one the last time I was in Turkey and I am going back next week for a week to see him.I am very nervous,but I am also awake! I hope that it works out like how yours is(:
As long as you stay alert and notice any signs that he’s not genuine, theres no reason why it wont work out if hes as lovely as you say 🙂 xx
I m an Indian gir … In a relationship wid a Turkish guy from Facebook since 2010 in middle of this time he deactivated hus account for a year and I looked for him everywhere on fb but. couldn’t find any account wid his pic… and he’s bck on fb a few weeks bck ….
should I continue wid him … we both love eachothr a lot.
I have been crushed 😦 I met this bloke in turkey
In May. . I have twice to see him
. In fact I just came back after spending a week
With him , what I don’t understand is now he
Has gone back home , not working in the hotels
He has suddenly got a girlfriend. , one minute
He loves me , he can’t wait to see me , next he says it’s over … Help I just can’t get my head around this
Hey,
Just wanted to tell you my experience.
I met my now husband in Marmaris in 2006 and was only 19 (he was also 19) I thought he was a right charmer and to be honest it made me cringe a lot and put me right off him. As it happened my friend that I was with met a man in the same restaurant which meant we had to go back every night. The more I got chatting to my husband I realised he was alright. 🙂
We kept in contact after that and I went on numerals holidays to see him, I always kept my guard up because unfortunately it’s a selected few Turks which give them the bad reputation and I was also very young and just thought it would be a world wind romance.
My husbands so called friends were very jealous of our relationship (as he wasn’t spending as much time with them) and used to tell me all sorts of stuff and lies Ect that apparently he had been up to but I always went with my heart and I always feel that if there’s no trust there’s no relationship and if I was to find any of it was true then it’s my own fault and I learn the hard way. Anyway…thankfully none of it was true.
We eventually got him a marriage visa to come to the uk in 2009 as I didn’t want to get married on Turkey, we have since had our little boy and have never been happier over here.
I just wanted to say that there can be happiness with Turkish Men and yeah there can be bad ones but isn’t that the same everywhere in the world??
Xxx
Aw thanks for the comment and lovely story. Glad you are happily settled in the UK together! 🙂
very, very true x
Hi I’m 36 years old and my turkish husband is only 24 years old. We had gotten married recently and he and his family are amazing , we had a beautiful wedding but after that I returned home to the USA. He is waiting in TURKEY for his spouse visa which he will get his appointment next month but in between waiting I see he’s on Facebook and blocks me from seeing these girls and flips the blame on me that I need to believe him when already he was sex skyping another girl 3 days before we married. I’m so sad because he said he don’t care about money but why is he talking to all these girls and now I see he’s looking up girls in the USA..
.How can I trust him ??? I’m alway in in the hospital from anxiety because he tells me we will be together forever and is very close with my mom but, I’m so confused. He never skype me to see my face. I haven’t seen him in 7 months now and he never invited me to turkey again to see him family. I’m so sad . I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so in love with him but. He don’t stop looking at Spanish girls half dressed and I’m not spanish. Not even close . Please help me before I have a nervous breakdown. I think his family loves me more than he can. Thanks for your time:(
Firstly, if he treats you like that, he doesn’t love you, why did you marry him if he was doing that stuff a few days before your wedding?
How can you not have skyped him in so long?! 😦 He sounds like an ass who only wants a visa, sorry to say 😦 Being married makes it more difficult to leave him and move on, obviously, but I think thats what you need to do!. How long have you been together? x
We been together since 2012. I went to see him at his university in eastern Mediterranean university. I went so far to see him and I thought he really loved me but again , tonight I see he was searching girls on his facebook. I’m so broken hearted but his excuse is. He never make a mistake. How are these not mistakes and when I confront him in the phone he says he has pride and I can’t say these words. I’m wrong if I ask who these girls are 😦 I converted for Allah and my husband. I made so many changes in my life for him. How can he do this to me? I just want a good honest turkish man to love me 😦 why did he marry me
Please help me I’m so depressed
😦 Reading this makes me sad, but like I said, you need to get away from him, I can’t put it any other way than bluntly, he doesn’t love you, how can he? Please move on now before he gets a visa. There will be someone out there for you 🙂 xx
Hi,
I’m an irish woman married to a turkish man who got his visa & is now living in Ireland too. We met when i went on a holiday with my daughter & parents to Bodrum in 2004. I was separated & almost divorced and love was the last thing on my mind. I had seen the charmers/players in the bars, shops & restaurants who kept asking if i wanted a turkish boyfriend for my holiday, at every opportunity. I laughed & declined, not interested. Sure they were nice eye candy but my gut instinct told me, not to be trusted. However, there was this lovely reserved waiter in our hotel with the most gorgeous eyes who kept smling at me & we got talking. I cant explain it but there was just a click, a connection. It turns out that, he later told me, he just knew from the beginning that i was the one for him. We met up a few evenings after he finished work & grew closer. When it was time to go home, he came to say goodbye & i thought that would be it, a simple holiday romance. I had no illusions as i knew the reputation of turkish men and, even though he had been a pure gentleman, i felt sure that he would meet someone else next week when the next bus came carrying foreign tourists. However, when i got home i found 3 text messages on my phone which i had left at home in Ireland during the holiday. He continued to text every day & 3 mths later i booked a return flight, this time to Istanbul. The holiday season had finished and i needed to know if this was the real deal or just a summer fling. I needed to see him when circumstances were more normal, no sun or beaches, winter time in Istanbul – no resorts, just real Turkey. I said goodbye to my parents and daughter at the airport & although afraid, knew that if the attraction wasnt there, we could at least have an amicable holiday as friends so no harm done. When i arrived at the airport though & we saw each other, it was just “Wow” – the chemisty/attraction was so strong, it was like electricity. But it wasnt just sexual, we really clicked & had a great week together. Then we both knew it was the real deal & when i met his family, who are lovely, it was the icing on the cake. We married in Turkey in 2009, without full support from all family/friends but they have since come around & warmed to him as they see we’re happy together. No, its not always easy living with someone of a different culture & there can be misunderstandings but…..nobodys perfect. We are both very stubborn but passionate too & our love is real and deeeep! Turkiye seviyorum ❤
Hi I am from South Africa. I have been to Turkey many times. I am 35 yrs old. I met a younger guy the first time I went but I understood we had a relationship of friends with benefits. He was to jealous and to controlling . He had a good heart but I could see it would go no where. I even went to meet his family in their village. I decided to finally end it as it was unhealthy . I then met the most amazing man. He is three years older than me and amazing!!! He has come to South Africa as I don’t want to live in Turkey. I have kept my religion . I have tested him in many areas but never found reason to doubt him. After reading So many women’s stories it us Sad to see how they are manipulated and taken advantage of. Always use your head and not only your heart when making a decision . I went for Turkish lessons and love the culture. I m not from the UK so I am sure there is no one wanting a visa / passport for South Africa and nor would someone want our currency that has such a terrible exchange rate with the Euro 🙂 good luck to all the women out there. There are many rubbish Turkish men but there are some real genuine gems among them
Does Berkay expect you to be Muslim? Or does he accept you as you are? Do you still eat pork and things like that? x
No, accepts me as I am 🙂 yea I still eat pig, can’t beat a bacon sandwich 😉 xx
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I really liked your story. I have been to Turkey and loved everything about it especially the people.
Hi everybody. I wanna share my bad experience with turkish man.
Tahir Ure – turkish love rat. He is 34, lives in Bodrum.
He is a fraud and liar.
Married with english woman. Has a dauther.
I met him last year in hotel Ambrosia in Bitez.
Now he works in gumbet in Beach House Cafe. He always told me that he is in love with me that will live together all our lifes.
But then he start to ask me for money. First his father passed away, then his brother comes to prison, then he had to pay big borrow to his bank.
Yes i was in love and i was stuped and i belived in all his stories, and gave him money.
After six month of dating i realized that i’m not the only girl whom he talked about his love. He had a lot of girls and he tell to all of them about his love. And i asked him to back me my money.
Tahir Ure told me to get out of his life, he started threaten my family, he told me that he can hurt my mother. Also he asked his friends in my city to threaten me. So i had to ask for help in the hotel where i met this guy.
After it Tahir was fired from Ambrosia hotel.
After all that story he wanted to stay ok with me.
He asked me to marry him, but he told me that he is already married and i have to pay for his devorce paipers. He is hiding that he has a wife and a dauther from his lovers.
When I told him that i lost my job and cant pay for his devorse or give him more money, he finished our relationships.
So be carefull, Tahir Ure is a love rat. He is just turkish gigolo, he pretending love, he tell u sweet words just to get ur money.
And he could be dangerous for u and ur family.
He still working in tourism in the Beach House Cafe Bodrum.
I’m in Turkey right now and I wanted to share my “holiday romance”. I arrived two weeks ago and straight away, this waiter at my hotel caught my eye. Sadly, I’m very shy and only got the courage to speak to him 3 days ago and I’m leaving tomorrow. I’m 16 and he’s 19 and since talking, he has been so kind, funny and charming, he always looks at me during meals and throughout the day and although the hotel does not permit workers to be involved with guests, he does his best 🙂 We talk every day on Whatsapp while he isn’t busy and he has only ever been lovely to me. No mention of any money and even when I originally turned him down because of the distance when I go home, he still spoke to me and told me he truly does like me. When we do manage to spend a little time together when others aren’t around, his phone never goes off so I have no reason to believe he’s talking to anyone else but me. It feels like Ive found a good guy. Sadly, the stereotypes of Turkish men being players is stuck in my head and I cant help but think that when I go home he’ll meet another English girl and romance her the same way he has to me. I feel bad for thinking this as he reassures me that when I leave, he will miss me and will still talk to me everyday. I wish this stereotype didnt exist because not all Turkish men are love rats.
Hi Niamh, sorry it took me so long to reply to this, thanks for spending the time to write it all out! 🙂 I hope it all works out for you, as long as you listen to your instincts. There are a lot of good guys out there! Let me know how it goes! xx
Merhaba Danni!!
I hope all is well! Just a little update from when I first asked some advise last year! Well the great news is me and my wonderful turkish boyfriend are still together and going strong. I was actually lucky enough to get a job and I am currently working over here for a uk company! Only bad thing is we are 180 miles apart but I travel over only time off and we get to spend so much quality time together and it sure beats being 4000 miles apart! I really do love turkey and it had been a dream come true, I just have the added bonus of having someone who truly does care about me not to far away! Not all turkish men are love rats as we have both found 🙂 Louisa xx
I’am a Turkish man, I read your comments and words…
Only way to choose right turkish man is to know his social surrondings and not to go straight to make love…if you straight to make love, they dont trust you, theythşnk you musnt have good mother or dont have ethical prencipals…
Turkish men lıke petted gırls and womans…
And important advice; you should examine whether your fiance is psychologically good condition or not…and get apply on him psychlogic tests via psychologist and psychiatrist
I think tests are taking things a bit too far! But you’re right about the first part 🙂
Hi well reading all ur comments on hear are great but I do have something I need advice with I was in marmais recently with my family in July I’m a shed is girl bye the way I went shopping with my parents before dinner one day and they were in the shop I was standing out side whilst walking up to the shops I got stared at and jumped on bye some real full on turkish goes
But whilst I was at this particular shop the turkish man that owned the shop was assisting my mother with her stuff she wanted but also asked her who I was and if she knew me my mother replied that’s my daughter then the turkish man said to my mother she’s beautiful can I talk to her my mother them said ask her so he dud he came and told me I was the loveliest thing ever and asked me to go to lunch with him the next day me being me I said I was doing something else but ill cone back to ur shop and see you before I go he said u promise I said yes
I went to his shop the next day but he wasn’t there then I had to leave that night I then had his card so I found him on Facebook I added him and explained I had cone to see him he was understanding and replied since this he messages me every day even if it’s just to make sure I’m ok but he always makes conversation I’m returning to marmais in October with my parents I told him thus and he has made it clear that we must spend time together he did ask me to come out like now as he really wants to be with me but I said I can’t as of my job so he said ok ill wait I understand ..He owns his own shop and doesn’t want to come to Britain so I know he’s not using me I’m 28 and he’s 30 but I’m not sure if he’s just after me as I’m swedes or if he really likes me as I have read so much bad stuff about turks but then there not all the same are they ?
Turkish men compromise? lol Get ready to change religion, forget about christening your child, christmas etc etc good luck
Hey, I wouldn’t want to christen my child as I’m not christened myself, not am I Christian 🙂 I’m not religious in any way shape or form, he knows and is fine with it! 🙂
Great blog … 🙂
Thanks Lisa 🙂
Merhaba Danni,
Thank you for this post it’s been very insightful, and I’m so happy you have managed to find genuine love.
I also recently visited Turkey for the first time, and during my stay there was wooed by the lovely Cağrı (25)
He works at the hotel’s Turkish baths.
He came over to my mother and I and gave us a little massage, he convinced us that we should have a full body… so we did.
The following day we went in, my mum was taken to her room me to another, I was meant to be seen by another guy but Cağrı asked me if he could swap so I agreed. He really took his time, asking me questions about me,where I’m from, my hobbies etc, he told me a little about himself- previously training to be a sprinter but giving up after a ankle op and now training to be a vet. I really warmed to him.
Over the following days he kept stopping me for a little chat, and kept asking me out. so I gave in… We went to the beach and walked and talked he told me about his family showed me pictures, we talked about everything, at this point we only held hands… The second date we went for dinner and watched some belly dancers, he later took me back to my hotel and asked for a kiss. So we did, it kind of took me by surprise, he’s very gentle. I felt like I was floating…
Over the following days he came and had lunch with us, during his break- even my mum got on with him; and she likes very few people… Lol!
We have exchanged numbers and have been talking ever since I have come back home but I really miss him. I am planning to return hopefully he’ll show me his home town… Ismer. He claims he doesn’t want to come to England, but would move to either Holland or Germany which is funny as I’m planning to study there next year.
It’s only early days but he is lovely and has been such a gentleman to me, during our dates I never paid a penny despite my offering and he always made sure I got home safe, which is more than I can say about the guys I’ve dated here.
He calls me his chocolate delight, I have wondered how others would react, with us being so racially and culturally different.
But I guess I shouldn’t mind, he’s not a practicing Muslim and he knows I’m not a practicing Christian…
I really do hope it works out but only time will tell…
What a lovely story, I sometimes miss those exciting, ‘dating’ kind of days! He definitely sounds like one of the good ones, anyone training to be a vet is a winner to me, you can tell a lot by a man’s character by how they treat animals!
‘Chocolate delight’ – I like that, how sweet. Others may well react negatively due to your differences, but it really depends a lot on the area he’s from and how traditional his family are, I think. Cultural differences are a big issue and something we still struggle with everyday even after being together for 4 years and living together for 3 of those… it’s tough. Compromise and understanding each other is key, sometimes stubbornness of both parties get in the way. It’s even harder when long distance is involved as you will never truly realise how different your culture and backgrounds are until you live together and they come into your everyday life.
I hope it works out for you, he sounds like a keeper to me! long distance is tough, always here for a chat if you want! 🙂
Good subject Danni.i like it
Thanks 🙂
I met my husband When on holiday in marmaris. It was his first time working there as a barber and he couldn’t speak English (lots of help needed from his friends). I went back again the same year to stay with him for two weeks (at the same time as my auntie and uncle were stopping in icmeler just in case). I was hooked straight away. We kept in contact and his English improved quickly. I then visited his family home in ordu during the winter and they could not have been any more welcoming.2 years after we met I moved over to Turkey and we married. We moved to ordu (where no one spas English so I learned turkish fast) and bought a house. Sadly when the recession hit we both lost our jobs (I was teaching English). This gave us the shove to move to England. To cut a long story short we are sit extremely happy and have just adopted our second child. We own two businesses and own our home thought sheer hard work from both of us. 8 years together with many more to come 🙂 I love going back to Turkey and love the people but I can spot the players straight off. Because I am married to a turkish man I get to listen to all of the conversations that they have and they include me in their circle. The plans that some of them have just show how much they know about reeling women in. However, I must state that this is a minority of turkish men but it just so happens that these ‘types’ head for the busy resorts where they can find their pray 😦 this blog is extremely accurate please listen to it and be aware of the signs and if the signs arnt there then go for it and I hope you are as happy as I am 🙂 xxx
That sounds alot like our story lol, Berkay had to talk to me through his big dictionary and pen and paper haha! It nice you get along with his family, bet that was a good way to learn Turkish! so lucky to have him in England, I can’t see me ever earning the £18,600 needed to get him a visa, its so hard nowadays 😦 Congratulations on the businesses and children, well done! We’ve been together 5 years, once this army is over I’m hoping we can finally move forward with our lives, whichever country that may be in 🙂
Bet you hear some rough stuff from those ‘players’ – awful! x
Can you not move over there hun? If you decided later to get a visa and move to the uk it’s much easier and you can use a family member to sponsor him.
Sadly enough sometimes the players do it out of desperation and to provide for family who are very poor. It’s not right in any way shape or form but who knows what we would all be driven to given different circumstances
and yes these are those that are simply arseholes too lol.
I lived there for 3 years, he’s in the army atm though. They changed the visa rules, family can sponsor him for a 6 month holiday visa, which he’s had 3 times, but now for him to come over here on the spouse visa I need to be earning £18,600 a year, the government set that as the inform requirement in 2012 😦 x
Oh what a nightmare 😦 I’m so glad I’m through all this bit. Good luck with everything and I will keep my fingers crossed for you xxx
Wow I love this! They’s only a few good ones and I have mine ❤️
Glad you liked it Meghan xx
Hi
I’ve just read your story and yes it is very true what you say about some Turkish men I’ve seen it all and watched how they change partners every 2 weeks when 1 returns home and another arrives and it makes me very sad. But hey ho as you say they are not all the same. I met my husband in Turkey whilst I was on holiday with my family and we have been together 6 years now and married for 5 and I don’t know what I would do without him he is my world. Yes the visa system is so so hard as we were refused twice but our third time was lucky and he is now in the UK with me and we couldn’t be happier. And yes iris not easy or cheap as they have to sit an exam now which we had to dispute with the government as they failed him staying it was copied from another person in the exam. We fough and asked for evidence CCTV etc and they could not prove any of it so instead of taking 6 weeks for response it took 4 months after fighting our case they passed him as everything was correct. It is an expensive process also which he worked hard to pay for as we needed to betogether. We visit the family regular I turkey andcouldntbe happier. He is a homely guy and loves to just come in from work and chill together. So yes some are very genuine but again some are only after money and a visa like say I’ve seen it all. Hope others have as happy an ending as we have x
Yea that is sad. Aww always good to hear happy stories 🙂 Oh god, they try to find any excuse to refuse the visas dont they! 😦 Glad he’s with you now. x
Hi My names Deb
I am moving to Turkey in September to be with my Turkish Prince – I met him this year on the last day of a wonderful holiday with my friends – he is a hairdresser and actually was doing my hair!!!!!! ready for my journey home to England.
We connected through humour and given English is not his first language I was so captured by his sense of humour and the ability to make me laugh and feel comfortable in his company – he wasnt trying to sweet talk me in anyway or make vomit provoking gushy comments that you just know in reality just arent true ( I mean I have a mirror girls) !!!!!!!. When I left the salon he came after me and asked for my number which I gave thinking he would not get in touch but it was nice of him to ask a lovely ending to an already lovely time. That yes he would be a good friend to keep in touch with and something was ignited there and then, not based on sex or a holiday romance but a real cooection that neither of us was particulary prepared for.
I went back out to spend two weeks out there not as a tourist but in order to get to know my prince – he introduced me to every one including some of his family – introducing me to them as his princess and his love – which converted me from a mature woman to a shy giggly teenager (please!!!!!! whats that about) – but you know what happend is I became alive again – I began to see my self as a woman, sexy, hot and desirable – wow I have never felt that ever – most of all powerful in the sense of feeling equal in the budding relationship.
I have had a few relationships one producing two wonderful (now grown) children. However I have been ‘single’ for some 16 years now. In all that time I have never been respected more than I was in those few hours on the last day of my holiday. I have spent my life working towards my ‘demise ‘all that I did was going to work to pay for a home, bills and cat food for the cats!!! All so that when I die my children will be ok!! (omg how sad is that – what happend to me the woman – my life!!)
My Turkish Prince has more about him than any other man know the fact he native to Turkey is irrelievent he truely makes me feel like a princess – neither of us have lots of money, he doesnt want to live in England and he gets very upset by the image his very proud people have been given – in the likes of magazines (here in England) who have made a load of money by selling their stories to entertain bored house wives or women who only venture in a small world of gossip, mistrust and oppressive thinking.
I beleive that in any culture, community or society any man or woman can be see as potentially ‘a not nice person’ what I dont like is the generalisation of an individual based on their ethnic heritage or because they happen to be from a certain country of origan.
The media has made a lot of money on the backs of many indiviuals who have been vulnerable and who have sadly made decisions that didnt work out – but we have to stop ‘blaming’ and take responsibility for our own actions – I believe in the spirit of life and humanity that when opportunities arise you have to take the chance (safley of course) is that not we all do in any new relationship?
I am so glad to see a balanced perspective of individual stories that ‘happen’ to be about relationships between individuals from different cultures and back grounds as I feel thats the real matter that has to be worked through.
thanks for listening 🙂
I have never believed in fairy tails and even now I look at myself say ‘are you really doing this’ but my children are fully behind me and so is my Turkish Prince – I truely have found my soul mate so go with your gut – use your own power internally and think positively – life is not a destination but a journey whats a journey without some adventures along the way!!!!!!!!!!! be happy and dont worry
Wow, what a story!!! When are you going back? I hope it works out 🙂 x
I wish I’d read this before I went to Turkey and did exactly what you touched upon in your article! I went for 2 weeks back in May and then returned a week later in June for another week – so it went a month and he told me he loved me (with all the trimmings) and silly me, I fell for it. Now I’m trying hard to let him go after he completely cut me out, totally embarrassing me! Ladies, do not be as naive as I and follow this very clever lady’s advice!
Unlike most of you (not to say all) I am really confused with my story… I had an account in a webpage and he suddenly messaged me,we talked a lot everyday and became great friends then after some time we started a ldr he was really sweet,actually at the start I was a little cold but he made me warmer so yeah everything was beautiful as it seemed but a month ago or so things came crushing down,he was going out a lot,some times with girls who he said were friends,it was ok.But exactly a month ago when I went to Washington,he went to another city of Turkey,Ankara (he is from izmir) and he visited two of his friends but in his photos a girl caught my attention,I asked him but he said nothing was wrong,that nothing happened .then this last weeks he became cold and when I wanted to solve things out because of girls he always said that I was attacking him,etc (that’s when in my mind I was like ‘who do I solve this with then? You are my bf’) so I had thoughts about the girl.Just some days ago we broke up because I found out he had something with that girl.It broke my heart. What I don’t understand is that he talked about marriage some times (which the thought of it actually kinda scares me because I’m too young but well…) he told me he was in love with me and sweet things…why would he “date” another girl if he said he loved me,was in love,etc.
He says he broke up to help me be happy because none of us could afford the plane tickect that fast ($3000) so it was hard and he says he wanted me to be happy and not suffer with this (actually what he has done has made me really sad,not happy) but now that he betrayed me I don’t even know if what he says is true.I literally know nothing about turkish culture but I met him and with time I fell in love and I want to understand because I’m really confused.
Brilliant blog danni love it .very interesting and very well wrote .love the way you take time to answer all .best of luck hun x